I was still lying in bed and had no intention of getting up while wondering if I would come to meet Jr. or not. I wondered what our conversation would be. I want to message Marla to let Jr. know that I'm not coming because I have a sudden walk. But I can't do it either because I think maybe it's time to face him.
I am confused and I didn’t know what was right or what to do. I don't know what to react and what I will do once I face him. A lot of scenarios plays on my mind. We did not meet and talk for several years. There was no communication and no news whatsoever. Then today we will talk without me being prepared. What questions did he prepare and what questions I would ask?
I wondered how I would deal with him and how I would answer his questions. Dylan was right, he said goodbye but I am the one who lost. So I am the one who had a lot to explain to him. I owe a lot of explanation to him. That is the reason why I don't want to meet him. Because I don't know what to say and how to explain my side. How to start, and I am afraid how we ended.
One of them is that I have another loved one. I promised him that I for will wait. I told him that I loved him, but here I am now, I am with someone else, and forget him. Forget everything what we talked before he leave.
I looked at the clock and it was eight o'clock. It's a good thing I didn't give time so even if I arrived there at eleven o'clock it was ok. But I was shocked when Marla texted me and said Jr. was there waiting for me. I asked her if he was looking for me. But she said that Jr. just said he was there because we will meet. So she volunteered to message me to let me know that Jr. was there.
I could do nothing but get up and leave the room. Dylan is right, we have a lot to talk about. It looks like we need to finish whatever we talked about before. Maybe he hoped I was really waiting so I had to face him so we could both let go of each other. I am with someone else, and I am happy with him. I am happy with what we have. Our relationship is not perfect but I can't neglect all the efforts and love that he gives me.
Now is the right time for us to finish what should not have been finished before.
When I came down I saw mama and papa watching tv. Janel was not there because she was in pain because of cramps. Every time she had period she is suffering from pain.
"I'm just going to the shop," I said.
"Eat first," mama said while massaging papa's foot.
"I'm full." I didn't wait for her to answer and I left.
When I arrived at the bubble tea shop I saw Jr inside sitting. Even though he was a little older, he became even more elegant. I took a deep breath and then calmed myself. I need to be firm. Because it's not just about which man I'm talking to now. But the man I first loved still has a place in my heart.
I knew that if I became weak there would be only two outcomes of our conversation. I cried in front of him or I went back to him. And either of those two results is unlikely to happen. So I have to be tough now. I had to present to him the new Mia, not the Mia he left behind. Not the Mia's who is always crying every time there is a problem.
Before entering the shop I first sent a message to Dylan and said that Jr. and I were going to talk. He answered me Good luck and be strong. After reading Dylan's reply I entered the shop and then approached him.
"Sorry to keep you waiting." I said but did not sit down.
"I just can't come either," he replied with a forced smile. "Sit down." He offers.
“Is it okay if we talk outside? I can't do it here.” I show him the cigarette I am holding. I needed a sedative so I wouldn't be nervous and this is the only one I know that could calm me down.
"Sure." He nodded at me. I didn't wait for him to stand up because I go out first.
I sat most sideways. There is an extension table outside Mama's shop because the others prefer it outside because it's windy. When I sat down, I immediately took a cigarette and lit it while waiting for him to sit down. I sigh and sigh before he come, and when he is in front of me I tried to keep calm.
"Is it OK?" I asked him for permission because I knew he didn't smoke.
"It's okay," he replied then sat down.
"Oh!" I offered him but he refused.
"I do not smoke." I just nodded. I know he doesn't smoke. But maybe like me, he also changes. Everything changes unexpectedly.
"Start asking questions or talking if you want to say something," I said then sniffed.
"What happened, Mia?" very simple question, and for others very easy to answer. But why do I have the earache to hear, the weight to feel, and feel so hard to answer?
"A lot has happened," I replied simply and then smiled bitterly. I knew even if he didn’t say it he already knew what I was doing. "But you don't know because you are not here." I look at him.
I’m not saying it’s his fault. I want to say that a lot happened to me while he was away.
"Do you really have to go that far?" I smiled at him and settled down to sit closer to him. We sat opposite each other with a table in front.