Samantha
After opening the gifts that each of us had brought, this time more informed about the use of each of the things, I had won, I decided to step away from the guests for a bit, stepping through one of the glass doors that led out onto a balcony overlooking the snow"capped mountains of Colorado. I hugged myself as the chilly breeze hit me, I shouldn't be out there without a coat in the middle of winter, but somehow, it helped me clear my mind a little. I walked over to the guardrail, watching the entrance to the house quietly.
A few moments later I heard footsteps approaching, but I didn't bother turning around to find out who was there, it must have been my mom bringing me my coat, or crazy Delphine trying to convince me to eat something, but when the person stopped beside me, I didn't know what to do.
Harper leaned over beside me, watching the scenery as I did. I bit my lower lip, feeling my heart race at her presence. Why was she there? What did she want with me? I mentally rehearsed a few times a way to bring up a subject and satisfy my curiosity, but nothing seemed to be enough.
" Thanks for the gift, the jacket you bought for Henry is beautiful," I commented, finally looking in her direction.
" I bought it a while ago," she smiled, "Theon was with me, and he made sure you liked it."
" Oh. " I looked away at the mention of my son's father's name, feeling guilt begin to consume me.
The silence reigned between us again, and this time I gave up trying to break it.
" When your mother invited me, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to come," she began after a few moments, "I commented to Callie that maybe the situation would get awkward if I came, you know, with everything that's happened."
I kept silent, feeling my heart racing. I didn't want to look in her direction, I didn't know what to expect next.
" I was with Theon yesterday and it sort of forced my decision," she continued, "I hadn't been with him since we broke up and we talked yesterday, and…"
" I'm sorry about everything," I let out, turning toward her, "Harper, I never meant to get in the way of your relationship."
She stared at me in surprise, before taking a deep breath.
" Sam."
" Really," I interrupted her, but she didn't allow me to continue.
" Can you let me talk? " she took another deep breath.
" Sure," I looked down at the floor, feeling a sadness and embarrassment wash over me.
I didn't want this to happen, I just wanted to go on with my life and pretend that everything was fine, even though I knew that deep down I was broken.
" Look, I can't say that my breakup with Theon was easy. Actually It was terrible, I really liked him and I felt betrayed. " she began.
" Nothing ever happened between us," I widened my eyes, "he was faithful, really."
" You really need to let me talk," she forced a smile.
" I'm sorry," I murmured, "you can talk."
" I won't say that I'm not hurt by what happened, you have to understand, I love Theon and that won't change," she began, making my heart squeeze, "he and I have a long history, long before you ever met, our friendship has always been sincere and full of feelings."
My heart was beating hard in my chest, my desire was to get out of there and leave her behind. I didn't want to hear another word about it, I didn't need anything else for that feeling of guilt to grow in me.
" Harper…"
" I always did everything for him, Sam. And when we finally got together, I was so happy," she continued as if I hadn't said anything, "it was that feeling for him that made me insist on this relationship when you came along."
She paused, looking away with a sigh as she surveyed the landscape that opened up in front of us.
" But in the end, it wasn't meant to be. And that's why I swallowed my pride and came here. I think we should work things out."
" I don't understand," I frowned.
What does she want? To get satisfaction from me for screwing up her relationship?
" I talked to Theon yesterday, and he told me how things were between the two of you."
" Harper, I promised you"
" Sam, you promised you wouldn't fight for Theon, and you kept your word. Our breakup involved much more than you," she was emphatic.
" What are you saying? " I looked at her suspiciously.
" I know you didn't mean it, Sam. But one thing I have learned is that feelings appear when we least expect them. It's not something we can control," she assured him, "and if that's what's happening, you shouldn't stop being happy because of me."
Did I understand her correctly? Did she really say that?
" Why are you doing this? " I stammered.
" I told you"
" You told me you love him," I pointed out.
" Yes, and that's why I wish him to be happy," she explained, "and I hope that one day I will find someone who feels the same way about me."
She turned away from me, heading for the door that would take her back into the house.
" Bye Sam, I hope you'll be okay," she assured me, leaving me behind in a daze.
I could feel my heart racing faster and faster, that conversation with Harper had really taken me by surprise.
I couldn't explain what was happening inside me, all my reasons and certainties had been shaken at that moment, and still, I couldn't understand what my problem was.
How could I go back after all I had said to Theon? And how could I deal with Mike? How could I have this baby when I can't even solve my love life? I leaned over my bodyguard, feeling my eyes fill with tears at the thought of Theon. If we had been together from the beginning, what would it have been like?
Would I have known him as I do now? Would the feeling have been the same?
" Sam, what are you doing there? " my father approached, taking off his coat and putting it on my shoulders "you're going to freeze."
I remained silent, still thinking about what had happened. Henry moved inside me, giving me some comfort. My father stood beside me in silence, just standing there until I was ready to speak up.
" Dad, am I a disappointment? " I sighed.
" Why would you be a disappointment, Sam? " he asked nonchalantly without looking directly at me.
" Look at everything I've gotten myself into: I got pregnant by a stranger, moved to another city, am stuck in this confusing situation, in a relationship of convenience, and I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to feel! " I just let it all out at once, without even a pause for breath.
My father took a deep breath and turned toward me.
" Sam, in a perfect situation would you be pregnant without being in a relationship, and would you have left your whole life behind in order to live the unknown like this? No!"
I looked down at the floor, feeling even more melancholy.
" But you're not perfect, and I'm glad you're not," he rested his index finger on my chin, forcing me to look in his direction. "Adamos is a good man and will be a good father, you can get along well, and I'm sure you'll be great raising this child."
I blinked in an attempt to keep the tears away, but they finally came streaming down my face.
" And if you're in this relationship with the vet for convenience, you always have the alternative of ending it. So the answer is no, I'm not disappointed in you. But I will be if you sacrifice your happiness just to live for appearances."
He dried the tears that streaked my cheeks before he put his arm around my shoulder.
" Let's go inside, what we don't need right now is for you to catch a cold."
I walked beside him, absorbing everything that had happened in the last hour. My father was right, I needed to do something about it. I don't know what to do about Theon, after everything that's happened he certainly doesn't want to even look at me, but about Mike I can do something about it. I can no longer sustain that situation for a second. It's not fair to him.