Arken Zaviere
"Ano'ng tinutunganga mo?! Magtrabaho ka!"
I just nodded and started packing again. I'm not foolish, I know all of these are illegal drugs, I'm just a kid, 15 years old but I know this kind of things for I am delivering this shits to my father's powerful clients for how many years now... My father made me do all kinds of stuff. He made me stop going to school this year even though I was the first honor in our class last year, he noticed that I'm good at fighting, solving problems and how to get away from different kinds of trouble...so he made me do this.
Arnold Zaviere is the only family I had, I didn't get to know my mother because he never mentioned it to me. But he went bankrupt last month and he sold me to a drug lord, Franko Manuel, and he's a worthless piece of fuck.
Hindi ako galit sa tatay ko, I never give a fuck about him anyway. He never treated me like his son, as a family, that's why I became like this...an emotionless fuck who doesn't give a shit about his own life.
"Putangina ka! Napaka-tanga mo! Paano kung nahuli ka ng mga pulis ha?!"
Napadaing ako nang maramdaman ko ang paghagupit ng latigo sa likuran ko. Damn this asshole. It was his fault why I'm almost busted anyway.
I just endured an hour of torture from him. I'm kinda used to it anyway. But I'm not numb, it fucking hurts like hell I just wanna die. Good thing he didn't do worse than whipping, sometimes he does something worse than that.
"You should learn how to use a gun. Malapit ka ng mag-eighteen, hanggang ngayon ay hindi ka pa rin--"
Agad kong pinaputok ang baril upang putulin ang sasabihin ni Franko. His mouth agape when I hit the most middle part of the shooting target, the hardest to shoot. He gulped and patted my back, still dazed.
I always stole my father's gun since I was twelve and practiced using it alone. Good thing I did that, but it wasn't easy at first because guns are too heavy for me back then.
"Hey, pretty man, aren't you tired of doing this? Why don't you come with me."
Elisa is one of our biggest clients, she's hot and mature with big boobs and a curvy body, but she's also a bitch who shows interest to a seventeen-year-old boy.
"I don't do old women," I said in a cold tone. I'm not that desperate to come with her and become her boy toy or sex slave. Damn her.
Her cheeks heated because her friends laughed at my remark. She stood up and slapped me, she's a little bit taller than me, and I can't hurt her even though I want to because Franko will surely beat the shit out of me. I'm so done with the torture.
"Do you see this, Arken?" Franko asked with a triumphant smile on his face.
Of course, idiot. I have eyes.
This is his secret room located at the secret door in his office. There are tons of money, gold, and jewelry in this place. Nakakabulag ang liwanag sa silid na 'to. Napakarami niyang kayamanan.
"Lahat magagawa mo kapag may kapangyarihan ka. With power and influence, you can do anything. Hindi ka mamumuhay nang ganiyan, na parang tuta na inuutus-utusan at pinaglalaruan. But of course, you won't be able to experience this kind of life, this doesn't suit you, pretty boy," Franko said while smirking.
I don't know why he's showing me all of this, this is the first time he showed all of this to someone. Kahit sekretarya niya hindi niya pinapasok dito.
"And because of this power, I enjoyed your mother's taste. Alam mo bang binenta lang din ng tatay mo ang nanay mo sa 'kin? Pagkatapos kong pagsawaan ang nanay mo... Pinatay ko siya, nang walang kalaban-laban."
My chest tightened at his remark, my breathing became heavy, my vision became dark. Anger, fury, and wrath blinded me. So that's what happened... He's the one who killed my mother. He fucking killed my mother.
Franko was shocked when I pushed him. Napahiga siya sa sahig dahil sa gulat, agad akong pumaibabaw sa kanya. Kinuha ko ang kutsilyo sa bulsa ko at agad na sinaksak ang tiyan niya. He shouted because of pain, I stabbed him again, tumalsik ang dugo niya sa mukha ko.
He did his best to push me away and he succeeded. He keeps on shouting while trying to stop his blood from coming out of his stomach. I smirked in triumph. Fuck him, serves him right.
"Y-you! How dare you do this to me?!"
Kinuha niya ang baril mula sa bulsa niya at pinaputok sa direksyon ko, agad naman akong nakaiwas. I ran to his direction and punched his wounded stomach. He shouted in sheer pain and let go of the gun. I immediately took it and pointed it at him.
"A-Arken, don't do this, I-I'm just kidding, I didn't kill your mother. Kid, come on, I'll treat you better after this. P-para na 'kong tatay mo diba?" he asked, pleading for his life.
I didn't feel anything at all... Mercy, affection, concern... I can't feel anything at all. I just want to kill him, and see his thick blood on the floor. I'm not stupid, I'm sure he will kill me if I let him live.
"Goodbye, asshole. Don't worry because we'll meet in hell anyway," I said coldly and fired the gun. Tumama 'yon sa dibdib niya dahilan para tuluyan siyang mamatay. Pinahid ko ang maruming dugo niya sa mukha ko.
Oddly, I didn't feel any remorse. It feels like I did the right thing. I'd been dying to kill him anyway, I want to do this ever since, and I finally did.
This is the first time I killed someone, and it feels right, so fucking right.
"Woah! That was fucking great!"
I was taken aback when two men entered Franko's secret room. They look like the same age as mine, what are they doing here?
"Damn, dude! I saw that! You're fucking good, you stabbed him two times and punched his wound and then you shot him. Fuck, your talented!" the other boy said with a huge smile on his face.
He's a creep, why is he smiling at me like that?
"Wow, dude. You really earned my fucking respect. Ano'ng pangalan mo? Ako si Cadence Lettiere," he said and took my hand to shake hands with me. My forehead furrows, what the fuck is wrong with this crazy asshole?
I looked at the blue-eyed man who's busy checking the room. He took one gold and examined it.
"This man is loaded with fucking riches, good thing he's dead," Cadence said and took a diamond necklace and wore it.
I'm confused, what are they doing here? They seem to be intruders, but how did they manage to get inside? No one has ever done that before. Maybe they are no ordinary young boys.
"I'm Zakarius Cavalcante, who are you?"
The man with blue eyes spoke while looking at me with no emotions in his eyes.
"Arken... Arken Zaviere," I answered with equal coldness as his.
"You are now the owner of these riches since you killed the boss," he said and throw the gold bar at me.
"Wait, bro. Akala ko ba nanakawan natin 'to? Bakit mo binibigay sa kanya?" Cadence asked, confused.
"He's the one who killed the boss, not us. By the way, Arken Zaviere, are you interested in power, influence, lots of money? Do you want that?" Zakarius asked while looking intensely at me.
For the first time in my life, I wanted something. I want power, I want influence, I want to control people, I want to be powerful and make everyone shake in fear because of me.
I joined Club dei Gentiluomini Feroci, a secret organization led by Zakarius' father, Zachariah Cavacante.
"What is this group all about?" I asked, I think I have the right to know what kind of organization I will be joining.
"Ako na ang magpapaliwanag sa 'yo, dude." Inakbayan ako ni Cadence at tinapik ang balikat ko. "This organization is for those who want power, for those who are willing to kill, who are willing to be greedy... Para sa mga lalaking walang pakialam kundi ang apakan ang mga tao. We're cruel, but we deserve it, Arken. Why? Because we're powerful. This organization may sound pointless and nonsensical to you but it's not. Lahat kami may pinagdaanan tulad mo, that driven us to want power, to seek for it. That's the number one goal of all the twenty members here. Don't you know that government officials are scared of Zachariah? That is power, Arken, that feels good, right? To be feared. Lahat kami rito makasarili, gusto namin ng kapangyarihan para sa pansariling interes namin. But of course, you have to have a strong will. Dapat masikmura mo ang pumatay, magnakaw... Siyempre, hindi tayo nagmamahal, that will be a hindrance for our goal," Cadence explained with hand gestures.
That sounds good, I want that. I want power, I want to be powerful.
"Arken, bawal na bawal may makaalam ng organisasyon na 'to. Kailangan maging maingat ka, kapag may nakaalam, patayin mo agad. Gano'n lang," Cadence added and moved away from me.
"What will be your facade? I mean, Zak will be a movie director, Pirius will be a seaman, Cadence will be a hotelier... Other members have their own facade or disguise in doing dirty works. How about you, Arken?" Zachariah asked while puffing on his cigarette.
I don't know, I haven't thought of this before. I just told him what comes into my mind first.
"I will be a politician."
They became quiet, even Zachariah seemed stunned with my answer, but he smirked afterwards and nodded.
"That's risky, but a good choice," he said and puffed on his cigarette again.
Zachariah taught us how to fight, how to use guns, properly, how to control our emotions, how to pretend in front of everyone.
I grew up together with them with one goal set in mind, to gain power.
I met Adham who's a young man just like me. He was abandoned and abused, I didn't pity him, hindi ako nakakaramdam no'n, but I showed him mercy and kept him because I need a loyal servant beside me. But of course, I don't trust him that much, unless he dies for my sake. I know he's more loyal to Zak because Zakarius found him first.
I'm already 26 when I finished law school, I immediately enrolled in law school after I graduated in college, the same day Zachariah died.
Zakarius became our new leader after his father died. He's good and smart too, just like his father. But he's more emotionless and heartless than Zachariah. He can kill someone without any emotion in his eyes. He made the organization more powerful and unbeatable.
Maraming taon ang lumipas, I became a lawyer first, and of course, I'm doing dirty deeds behind that. I gained popularity because of my good deeds. Many people wanted me to run as a politician, I realized that disguising is really important if you want to gain power.
I did gain the power that I wanted, my riches are more than you could ever imagine. It feels good.
I met Vierra De Guzman, she knows about the organization. I don't know why she's still alive, it's maybe because Cadence, and Zakarius fuck her too.
She became my fuck buddy too, she came every time I needed someone to fuck or every time she wants someone to fuck. We're both consenting adult with open minds so we're cool with it.
But she got pregnant and left her daughter to me. Pinagdudahan ko kung anak ko ba talaga si Arkia noong una, but it turns out that Arkia is really my child.
Zakarius was furious at first, but he just let it pass and told me to make sure that my daughter won't be a hindrance to our organization and goal.
I know I'm not a good father to Arkia. I just provided her with everything she needs but I never gave what she wanted. It felt like I don't want to show my emotions even to my daughter... But I love her, I sincerely love Arkia but chose not to show it to her.
"Damn, bro! You won! You're the new mayor of Caloocan City!" Cadence announced.
I don't know what to feel, it feels good, but not good enough to fill the gaps in me. I couldn't explain, but it somewhat feels good.
My first speech as the mayor came. I know that starting today, I need to be extra careful of my actions because I'm a government official now, doing dirty deeds will be extra difficult.
I was stunned when I saw a fair and petite woman in front who's staring dreamily at me. She's smiling as if she's hoping that I will be the new hope of Caloocan City.
"I-I... I promise to..."
I bit my lower lip, why am I suddenly distracted? She's just staring and smiling at me? Bakit nanghihina ako? This never happened before. My heart is thumping fast as if it wants to go out of my ribcage.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I don't know what gotten into my mind, I did everything to be the best mayor. Isinaksak ko sa isip ko na ginagawa ko lang 'to para sa pagpapanggap ko.
But I have weird feelings I couldn't explain, I want to impress her... That woman, I like it when she smiles from the crowd while staring at me every time I'm announcing something as if she's proud of me.
"Nagbabagong buhay ka na ba, Arken?" Cadence asked while drinking his favorite alcohol.
My forehead creased with his remark.
"What the fuck are you saying?" I asked, annoyed.
"Nothing, masyado ka lang mabait sa mga tao. Ang dami mo ng nagawa para sa Caloocan, alam ko naman na parte 'yan ng pagpapanggap mo, pero parang sobra naman yata," Cadence said suspiciously with a serious look in his eyes.
Cadence seems to be an idiot and crazy, but he's smart and clever. He knows there's something wrong with me. I should be careful, I shouldn't be swayed by that woman again.
"Ayen! Halika rito, sabihin mo kay mayor ang thoughts mo sa kanya! Bilis!"
My heart skipped a beat when I saw her being pulled by her friend. Her name's Ayen, she's Ayen.
"M-mayor, ano po... T-the best ka, pagbutihan niyo pa po," she said shyly. Her cheeks are crimson red and she couldn't look directly at my eyes.
Damn, heavenly.
She's so beautiful... Her skin is white and pale, her almond-shaped eyes are captivating, her small but pointed nose matched with her heart-shaped face... And her lips, I will risk everything just to have a taste of those luscious lips. I couldn't take my eyes off her, but damn, I need to act normal, even though I want to take her... I want her mine.
That woman... Ayen, never let me sleep peacefully for how many years, I can't get her off my mind. I never wanted someone like this before, she's making me crazy.
"Clear, Sir, I made sure no one followed us here," Adham said and get inside the car.
"What's his name again?" I asked Adham while holding my silver gun, my favorite gun.
"Fernan Reyes, sinabi niya sa black bullet ang tungkol sa feroci," Adham said. I just nodded.
Black bullet, just a shitty organization. Susugurin ni Zakarius ang grupong 'yon ngayon para ubusin ang miyembro.
Fernan Reyes, we will kill that motherfucker tonight. I want to kill him personally. Kinakalawang na 'ko, ang tagal na noong huling beses na pumatay ako... Dahil kay Ayen. I couldn't let this happen, Zakarius is now suspicious of my actions.
"W-wala na kayong kawala, Arken Zaviere! Malalaman ng buong mundo ang tungkol sa grupo niyo at babagsak kayong lahat!" Fernan shouted, his face is now severely wounded because of Adham.
Nangangati ang kamay kong patayin siya. Sa ilang taon ko ng pumapatay, naging parte na siguro 'yon ng pagkatao ko.
"Let's do this fast," I murmured while looking coldly at Fernan who's lying on the floor in this dark alley.
I turned my gun's silencer on and pointed it at him. I was about to pull the trigger but she invaded my mind again. I licked my lower lip and gave the gun to Adham.
"Kill him, I'm not in the mood," I murmured and gave him the gun.
"H-hayop ka, mayor!" Fernan screamed when Adham pointed the gun at him.
"Should I kill him now, mayor?" Adham asked.
"Do it quietly, make him disappear without anyone knowing. You know what to do, right?" I asked coldly while staring at Fernan.
"Napakahayop mo! Sisiguraduhin kong malalaman ng mga tao kung gaano ka ka-demonyong hayop ka! Napakawalang--"
I didn't let him finish and kicked his face, he spits blood and coughed. I don't have time with his shitty remarks.
Natigilan ako nang makarinig ako ng kaluskos. Agad akong napatingin sa malaking poste sa kanto ng eskinita.
It's a woman.
"It seems like we have an audience," I muttered and walked in her direction.
She immediately ran away, but I'm faster than her and immediately grabbed her arm and pulled her close to me.
I was stunned when she looked at me, fear is visible in her eyes.
Ayen...
I punched her on her stomach and carried her when she collapsed. I know, I'm an asshole. But I have to show Adham that this woman means nothing to me. I can't let Zakarius or other feroci member know that I suddenly became soft just because of a woman... and besides, rules are rules. Pinapatay agad ang sino mang makakaalam sa grupo namin. Kapag nalaman ni Zakarius na hinayaan kong mabuhay ang babaeng 'to, magdududa na talaga siya at baka siya na mismo ang pumatay kay Ayen.
I can't let that happen.
"Sir, I think we should kill her," Adham said while driving the car.
I stared at her face and caressed her soft cheek. Her head is on my lap right now, she's still unconscious.
"We don't have to kill her. I'll make her Arkia's pretend mother. She just came at the perfect time. Arkia's looking for her mother. Ayokong kilalanin niyang nanay si Vierra," pagdadahilan ko na lang.
Wala na akong maisip na pwedeng idahilan kundi iyon... but it's true that Arkia is looking for her mother. So this is really a perfect timing. I can't let Ayen be killed by Adham or any feroci member... I will kill them too if that happens.
Adham looked at me suspiciously through the rearview mirror. I just cleared my throat and avoided his gaze.
"Sir, I think that doesn't make sense," Adham said.
Damn it. Should I just kill Adham then?
"That woman should be killed. That's the number one feroci rule, Sir."
"I need her to be Arkia's pretend mother, Adham. I can't kill her yet," I said and looked at Ayen peacefully sleeping on my lap.
I will never kill this woman. I can kill Adham for her... for her to stay alive.
For the first time in my life, I felt excited about going home because she's there. I was kind of worried, she's still not waking up, did I punched her too hard? Or maybe she was so frightened that she doesn't want me to see her awake.
"You'll be the mother of my daughter from now on," I said while looking straightly at her eyes.
Seriously, Arken? What kind of fucking excuse is that? I didn't know I'll go this far just to make her stay here.
Saglit lang naman, just for a month or two. I just want to feel her presence even just for a short time...
I tried my best to push through with my cold facade towards her. Ginawa ko ang lahat para matakot siya sa 'kin at isipin niya na masama ako.
I smiled a little while staring at her innocent face. She's sleeping on the couch earlier but I carried her to my bed and let her sleep beside me.
"You're driving me insane, Jonalyn," I murmured while caressing her soft cheek. I can stare at this beauty forever, I will never get tired of it.
"Hmm," she moaned softly.
I groaned and immediately stood up when my dick reacted to her innocent but seductive moan.
"Fuck."
I immediately go to the bathroom and released my heat and desire for her alone. I need to restrain myself, I'm not a sex-addicted man, I don't know why my body is reacting like this just because of her moan.
Jonalyn... Jonalyn keeps showing me her sunshine even though I did my best to show her that I'm not a good man. Damn, her presence is enough to make my feelings and mood much lighter. She made me do things I never did before, she made me feel something I never felt before... Lumalambot ako sa kanya.
"My, my, Arken... You love that woman already, aren't you?" Vierra asked while shaking her head.
I didn't answer her question, I remained quiet... I don't know... Do I love her?
"Hindi mo dapat hayaan na magtagal 'yan, Arken. Look at her, she has a simple life, she's beautiful, she's living peacefully before you appear in her life... Are you planning to confess to her and put her into your messy life? You're a feroci member, Arken. Magulo ang buhay mo at walang kaligtasan, gusto mo bang isama ang babaeng 'yon sa kaguluhan ng buhay mo? Paano kung mapahamak... Or worse, mamatay siya ng dahil sa 'yo? Think clearly, Arken. That woman doesn't deserve to get into your troubling life. Guguluhin mo lang ang maayos niyang buhay."
Vierra's words bugged my mind for days. I don't want her to be in trouble because of me, I don't want her to be in danger because of me... I don't want her to die because of me. I want her to live peacefully again without me. I don't deserve her anyway... I don't deserve to be happy after all the things that I've done in my life.
"M-mayor, mahal kita. M-mahal na mahal kita. W-wala akong pakialam kung nakita ko man kayo ni Vierra sa gano'ng posisyon, handa akong kalimutan 'yon, mayor. P-pakiusap, tanggapin mo 'ko, mahal na mahal kita," Jonalyn said while crying.
I did my best to restrain myself from crying. My hands are shaking as I pointed my gun at her. Seeing her cry like that... Realizing that I'm the one who made her cry like that... Yes, I'm indeed ruthless and a heartless asshole. I want to make her hate me, loathe me, forget about me, and live peacefully.
My hands were shaking while holding the gun. I did everything to make her hate me... I know I won't be able to live the way I used to after this, I know I'll become worse after this... but she's too good for me. She doesn't deserve a chaotic life with me.
I'm hoping that in another life... I will be able to love her freely. That's all I want.
I watched her as she ran away from me... Away from my shitty life, and my tears are already running through my cheeks. My knees weakened, and my heart was about to explode because of unbearable pain.
"I-I love her too, Vierra. I love her so much, I love her more than my life. I-I love her, I'm so damn much in love with her, i-it's too much to bear. My heart feels heavy."
Vierra just looked at me with pity, probably because this is the first time I cried. She finally saw my weakness, and that is Jonalyn.
For the first time in my life, I wanted something more than power and influence... I want to have a simple life, I want to be with her, and love her without restrictions.
Many years passed, I tried to forget about her. Adham didn't update me about her whereabouts, I tried to stop thinking about her and focus on my goals... But I failed.
I started contemplating all my past actions and my goals. What is my goal anyway? Why do I have to choose my goal over everything that makes me happy?
Yeah, right. I suddenly remember that this is my way of torturing and punishing myself for all the horrendous crimes that I did. I don't deserve to be happy... a heartless killer like me doesn't deserve a heavenly love and peaceful life with Jonalyn.
"What's happening to you, Zaviere? You're not yourself for the past years," Zakarius said while looking at me with his cold eyes.
"He's pussy-whipped, obviously. Ilang taon ka ng hindi napasok sa pulitika, ano na ba'ng balak mo, Arken? Saka bakit sa Sorsogon ka na naka-reside? Pabalik-balik ka yata masyado ro'n for the past two years?" Cadence asked with serious eyes.
I just cleared my throat and avoided his gaze. Cadence is one of the most observant member of feroci. Para lang siyang gago, pero marami siyang napapansin sa paligid n'ya.
I know that Jonalyn is in Sorsogon, that's the only information I know about her because I chose not to dig more information.
"Hindi mo ba hahanapin si Ayen dito sa Sorsogon, Sir?"
Natigilan ako sa tanong ni Adham.
"I won't," I answered shortly. Adham looked at me suspiciously.
"Then why are you here, Sir? Why are you staying here in Sorsogon for two years? You even changed your residency. May balak ka bang tumakbo rito sa Sorsogon?" tanong pa ni Adham.
I don't know why I'm doing this. For the past two years, I'm hoping that Jonalyn and I will cross paths here in Sorsogon even though the public doesn't know I reside here now... but I somewhat wants to run as a politician here in Sorsogon because I want her to know about me. I want her to reach me, I want her to know what I'm doing, and I want her to know that I'm here for her... even though she doesn't love me anymore.
But I discovered that she's living with Vaughn Regnier, Sorsogon City's mayor, for how many years now... my mind went blank, anger and jealousy rushed in my veins... I made decisions hastily without thinking thoroughly which is unusual.
I decided to run as a governor in Sorsogon to compete with Vaughn Regnier who's also running for the position. Adham and my lawyer had a hard time processing that because I'm a former politician in Caloocan... but I don't care. I want to beat the shit out of Vaughn Regnier.
I can't let Jonalyn be with him any longer. Katulad ko lang din si Vaughn, he's a heartless jerk who only cares about money and power. He kills people too. I know that. I don't want Jonalyn to end up with a man like me and Vaughn is just like me.
Vaughn Regnier was furious when he found out that I'll be competing with him for governor's position. I can't blame him, my name alone screams competence and threat.
I have to deal with him seriously, I have to make him give up on Jonalyn... Baka kung ano pa'ng gawin n'ya. I don't know what I'll be able to do if that happens.
"Sir, Vaughn Regnier wants to meet you," Adham said.
Pumayag ako na makipagkita kay Regnier dito sa pribadong lupa na pag-aari niya. Adham is not with me because I ordered him to do something else.
"Go back where you fucking came from, Zaviere! Why do you have to compete with me?! Huh?"
My jaw clenched while looking at Vaughn, I want to kill him right now and take Jonalyn away from him.
"I won't. If you're really confident, fight me fair and square, Regnier. Am I a threat to you?" I asked, mocking him.
I want to talk to him about Jonalyn in a peaceful way possible, but here I am, mocking him. I just can't stand this man. Nakikita ko pa lang siya, naiisip ko pa lang na matagal siyang nakasama ni Jonalyn... para na 'kong sasabog sa galit kahit wala akong karapatan.
His face reddened, he immediately gets his gun from his coat and shot me with it. I groaned a little when it hit me on my stomach. Damn him.
I pulled my gun and tried to shoot him, nakaiwas siya kaagad. I have no time for this, I need to find where's Jonalyn and take her away from Regnier.
Sumakay ako sa kotse ko at agad na pinaandar 'yon. I grimaced while driving, I'm getting dizzy, I'm used to gunshots like this for this is not the first time but I'm a human too.
Lumabas ako ng kotse nang makalayo na ako sa kanila. I can't manage to drive anymore. I just walked and walked until I reached the road. I'll just call Adham and wait for him there.
In that place and time, I saw Jonalyn again... I tried to stop myself from loving her, I tried to push her away again and tried to make her hate me... But then I realized that I'm already hopeless. I can't unlove her anymore. I promised to myself that I won't let her go again, I'll do my best to deserve her this time. Fuck my goals, fuck power, fuck feroci, fuck self-punishment and torture, fuck everything... She's the only one I need, just her, Arkia, and our son, Vander.