Carters POV
It's night like these when I realize how much I'm hated.
I spent the whole night in my room and not a single soul came to look for me. Or even send me a text. Not even UK. And I think that's what hurts the most. And since I was in the room by myself I let myself shed a few tears, but not too many or I'd get carried away. Then I sent a text to my Aunt Rena and she helped me feel better just a little bit.
I miss her every day.
Facetime, text, and calls aren't enough.
I haven't seen her or my aunt in years...maybe since Addi's baby shower. All I know is that Aunt Rena and my dad no longer got along. She only ever talks to me, and Aunt Danielle calls pops every once in a while but that's it. I try not to take it personally because it's obvious they have their shit going on.
But I remember one time when I was on the floor bawling my eyes out over some stupid shit Sean had said to me. The shit that damaged our relationship for good. And I thought to finally ask for some help...
I called Aunt Rena. And I begged her to come get me. To fucking save me from this family and she didn't. She said she wished she could but she couldn't...after I fucking pleaded like an idiot. She still said no.
That was the last time I had asked for anything.
Now I deal with my shit alone.
Because you are alone. No one is going to save you.
I didn't go out with Ezra last night. I felt like shit. Probably because I realize how much of an asshole I am, and secondly while we were getting ready I got a searing pain in my stomach. Thankfully Ezra was long gone before the pain got worse. But it was so strong and it was bleeding into my every nerve. It was gut-wrenching. I limped to the bathroom and I lifted my shirt, and my goddess what I saw in the mirror was horrid. My stomach was black...like bruised and it hurt to touch.
I have no idea where it came from or how to get rid of it but it's pissing me off. And making my already sour mood even worse.
I threw in the biggest sweater and sweats I could so nothing was rubbing against it. And I winced at every step I took as I walked downstairs to join everyone. However, I don't expect anyone to talk to me, especially with how I acted last night. And I treated their beloved Sloan. I kept my durag on and my hood up, not feeling like leaving the house today. Couldn't even if I tried. I was in too much pain.
I walked to the kitchen and found Uncle Tino making breakfast and UK sitting at the table watching his mate. No one else was around, was I the first to wake up?
"Oh fuckity fuck!" Uncle Tino screamed as he turned around and saw me standing. A small smile came on my face at the reaction. He let out a soft pant and calmed himself down. "It's a little early for you isn't it?" Uncle Tino asked as I looked at the time.
It was 8 am. It was early as fuck. I just shrugged not really having an explanation. Or one that I would give anyway.
"Have a seat with Koa. I'm almost done."
I went to join UK at the table. But I sat down as slowly as I could. The stinging pain came back with every movement.
UK put his book down as he watched me and curiosity burned in his eyes. "You don't look very good." He said as he sipped his coffee.
"And here I was about to tell you how extraordinarily black you look today, UK." He doesn't, but humor helps make situations better.
"Don't deflect, kid." I groaned and let out a deep breath letting my body relax.
"Alright, alright. Last night this happened." I lifted my shirt and showed him my stomach. "I was fine and then the next second I was in searing pain and now I'm covered in deep bruises. And shit won't heal." I put my shirt down and UK looked over to Uncle T and he had a knowing look on his face. But they didn't say anything to me.
Nope. Instead, Uncle T put a plate of food in front of me. UK went back to his book completely ignoring what I said. I guess the conversation is over then.
"Have you met your mate?" The question was random and it surprised me. It made me wonder if he knew. But how could he? I never gave it away....or did I?
"Why?" Idiot. You should have said no.
"I see. Who is it?"
I went stiff at the question. I mean I love UK I do, but there's no way he'd be okay with Sloan and me together. Though we aren't together. We aren't anything. But just as I was about to think of a lie. His scent flooded in the room and I went stiff.
I tore my eyes from UK and started eating my food. Sloan went to Uncle T and gave him a hug and a kiss from what I hear. Uncle T muttered a quick 'morning dolcezza' and handed him a plate.
He walked to the table and sat right by UK. I saw his eyes flickered to me for a moment with an unknown feeling in them.
"Morning." He muttered before eating.
"Morning," UK said with a smile.
"Yeah, morning," I said which caught me a lot of stares. Sloan looked surprised that I said that. His eyes were wide as I forced myself to meet them. I looked at UK and he had the same look on his face too. "What?"
"You said morning. You never say that." UK squinted his eyes at me and flickered between me and Sloan. If that was true, that I never say good morning, then it's not something I've noticed.
"Maybe it's because I'm never awake when it is morning."
'Nice save' Tatty spoke, but I knew it was sarcastic.
"Right." UK squinted his eyes at me but I ignored him and continued to eat the rest of my breakfast in silence.
But UK kept flickering his eyes between me and Sloan and it was annoying as hell.
"Oh, my goddess. What? What's the problem now?" I asked him with my mouth full of eggs.
"I don't know. This is the longest you and Sloan have ever been in a room together without it ending up in a loud fight. This is uncharted territory." I groaned and rolled my head back and squeezed the fork.
"I can be nice. I just choose not to be."
'You're really killing it.' Tatty scoffed and I wanted to strangle him.
"Would you rather me run my mouth?" I asked quickly easing my eyebrow at UK.
"Nope. Nope. This is nice that's all."
Yeah, it's nice when Carter isn't talking and being a dick.
Maybe you should just shut up altogether?
I could feel unwanted emotions wanting to make an appearance, but I pushed them as deep down as possible. It's too early for this. I just wanted to eat my breakfast in peace. It's really good.
"Good to know my silence is nice." I shouldn't have said that. Fuck. I should not have said that. Like I said before, somehow my insecurities always leak out of me.
"Kid, you know that's not what I mean." UK had an apologetic look on his face, and I felt like shit for saying it. He didn't do anything wrong. He never means to, and when he does make a mistake I hyper-focus on it. That's not his fault though. It's my bullshit to deal with.
"I'm just teasing UK. Just being a dick as usual." I shrugged and shoveled more food into my mouth. I hate myself even more than I already do.
"So..." I clear my throat and flick my eyes to Sloan. "Z enjoying his stay?"
I don't know why I asked that. I don't give a fuck. And the idea of Z makes me want to throw up and kill at the same time. I also don't know why I was talking to Sloan. I don't usually. I blame the stupid mate bond.
'Yeah, blame the mate bond and not the fact you've had a boy crush on him for years.'
'SHUT UP TATTY!'
Sloan's brown eyes went wide in surprise. Probably because this was the first time I had spoken to him as a person.
"Oh—yeah. Yeah, he likes it here." He shrugged and his face went bright red. Like he was embarrassed to tell me that. He fucking should be. Prancing his boyfriend around like I'm not his mate. Which he still has yet to acknowledge.
And I don't care that he hasn't but still. At least something. Like a look of disgust or I don't even know. I just want to know that he knows. Or is he really that dissatisfied and hates me that much?
I shouldn't even care. Truly. And I don't. It's just...I'm curious.
"Cool. Very cool."
No, it's not fucking cool. It makes me want to rip the skin off his muscles strip by strip. But I can't say that. Nope cause if I do, I'm the fucking bad guy. But I always am. Might as well get used to it.
"Well—how—did—-umm—" Sloan muttered off a bunch of gibberish and didn't get a sentence out.
It seemed to me he was searching for something nice to say to me. But I guess he gave up.
Yeah. I have nothing nice to say to me either.
"Cat got your tongue? Oh...wait." I couldn't help myself sometimes. But that got a small chuckle from UK.
It was the most perfect timing I couldn't pass it up. Plus it's better if I try to make light of it and not dwell on the very bad feelings and the very bad thoughts that are trying to make an entrance in my mind. Not today.
I finished my plate and Uncle T grabbed it for me. I offered an appreciative smile as I fought myself not to stretch.
"You think you wanna head over with me to see Raymond?" UK asked me and my attitude immediately got better.
I loved Raymond and I loved Chris. Those were UK's uncles but I like to think of them as my own too.
"Fuck yeah. I could use a lineup." I slowly stood up and winced as the pain flooded back. Sloan looked at me and there was concern in his eyes and something else...guilt? What did he have to be guilty of?
"Are you good?" He asked nonchalantly but there was a strange edge to it that I caught. His voice made me melt in ways it hadn't before. Also, that fact he asked me a question about myself. Something he hadn't really done before. Or maybe he had and I'm just now noticing it.
"Yeah. Just got a little banged up last night no biggie." I told him and I stood from the table and waited for UK.
"Let's go." I followed UK instantly but not before turning and looking at Sloan one last time.
"See you later alli-tiger." I watched Sloan roll his eyes and groan.
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Yeah well, neither does you not having a mom." UK and Uncle T chuckled lightly at my joke and I inwardly gave myself a high five. I was on a roll today.
"You know, I think I'll come. I could use a freshen-up." I groaned out so loudly that it shook the house.
At the fact that he was coming but also at the fact he called it a freshen-up. Of COURSE, he wants to come. But I can't be too mad, it's his family at the end of the day.
Not mine.