Carter's POV
I spent the rest of the week at Uncle Ray's. I couldn't be in that house anymore. Around a bunch of people who didn't even care I was upset and I was hurting.
Who refused to see it?
They just assumed I was acting out for attention. Even while I was gone, not a single person tried to reach out to me other than Ezra and UK. They seem to be the only people in this world that give two shits about me. Not even my own family... They stopped caring a long time ago. They looked at my silence as a way of throwing a fit.
That's not the case. At least it wasn't this time.
No, this time my mate basically gave me a giant "fuck you". He didn't want me. That's cool. I understand that. I've been a dick to him for years. But it was still strange to hear...I never thought Sloan would reject me. I thought that maybe out of everyone he would be able to look past my bullshit and see what's real.
Nothing will happen.
Those three words kept ringing in my fucking ear. I shouldn't even care. I don't know why I did. But it hurt like shit. And yeah, I know I have a lot to handle. I'm loud and sarcastic, and I say things I shouldn't. I've fucked every woman under the sun just to feel something. Who would want that as a mate?
I wouldn't.
Z seemed perfect for him. He was nice. Sweet. Quiet. And the whole family loved him. He can take my place as the token black of the family. I'm sure they wouldn't care or even notice if they replaced me. They'd prefer it. Maybe I'll suggest that the next time I visit UK.
The ride back with Addi and Sean was quiet. I didn't say anything. Not much in the mood to talk anymore. Feeling extremely annoyed with the sound of my voice these days. I hate myself even more. Wondering why I was put on this godforsaken earth just to suffer.
Addi maybe looked back a few times at me with a worried look on her face. But that was about it. She never asked, and Sean yeah he didn't care. Never had never will.
We got home a few hours ago, and I was already outside training. Sparing with the other wolves. And of course, Sean decided to follow my lead. He never has his own original thoughts. Pops was out here and I wanted to show him that even though I might have been shitty this week, I'm more than ready to lead the pack.
Even though my relationship with my parents was an ass, I still knew what being the oldest entails. I was going to be the alpha and I was over the moon. It was the one good thing I have to look forward to, and I'm not going to lose this. Ruin this. Nope. No way. I needed one good thing. One.
I know everything there is to know about leading a pack. I was born of alpha blood and I was made for this. It was my fucking destiny to lead and to guide. To be a protector of hundreds. And I'm going to do my hardest to make sure I succeed in that so I can finally get a 'well done'.
I knew Pops was watching. He always did. But the thing was I never knew what he thought. In all my years of training he never once told me he was proud of me, or that I was doing good. And Dad didn't like violence so he never watched. Or so he says. Though on occasion I catch him out here with pops and watching him spare.
I try not to take it personally, but how else am I supposed to take it?
I trained every day. And I fought harder and got stronger to prove to him I was worthy of his praise. But no matter how hard I tried it was never enough. Here I was winning another match. And my pops face held nothing. Never did.
I went and got a drink of water. I was sweating like crazy, my naked chest glistening in the sunlight. It made my brown skin glow. On days like these, I loved being black. I shined in the sun and the moonlight. A fucking superpower if you ask me. I couldn't bask in it for too long, because from the corner of my eye, I saw Sean sauntering over and I immediately got annoyed.
"You call that fighting?"
Just ignore him, Carter. Just fucking ignore him.
"Oh right. I forgot you don't talk anymore." Tatty growled and he was pushing his way to the front. But I held him back. I took a deep breath and turned to face away from him. Looking at his ugly face was too tempting. He looked to punchable. I clenched and unclenched my fist to try and calm myself.
Sean gasped all dramatically and let out a snarky chuckle. "Did Carter turn over a new leaf? Finally learning how to shut the fuck up?"
This motherfucker.
My breathing was picking up and my temper was getting worse. Anger was slowly seeping into my bloodstream. Which is not good. It's never good. Usually have more control over myself to stop. But after everything that happened this week, my self-control was thin and wavering at the moment.
"I think it's a little too late for that. Dads are already disappointed in you. Bet you didn't know they were planning on shipping you off to a boot camp."
I was hanging on by a thread. I can literally feel them snapping, one by one. My resolve was almost gone...
"Oh wait, maybe I shouldn't even call them your dads, seeing as they aren't." I went stiff at his words, I was confused by what he meant. "That's right you don't know...well. Dad, or should I say my dad, Crispin, isn't yours. He's been lying to you this whole time. Dirty little family secret." The laugh Sean let out was sick and it scraped against my bare bones. He was getting off on this.
'Carter,'
'Yeah Tatty?'
'Fuck him up.'
'Gladly.'
I turned around so quickly and my fist connected with my jaw with a loud crack. It knocked him right on his back. But he made a quick recovery and was up and throwing a punch right into my still bruised stomach.
That made me see fucking red.
All I knew one minute his face was intact. And the next I was straddling him, using my Lycan strength and throwing punch after punch into his face. I heard muffled shouting, the sound of my fists breaking bone, and someone yelling my name but the world was silent.
It was quiet.
Finally.
Relief flooded me and I felt at peace, but it was all ripped away too soon.
I was being pulled off and dragged off of Sean. Who was now bloody in the face and groaning on the floor. My back was thrown into the tree trunk roughy and I was pulled to my feet, and then everything came rushing back. I was able to focus on the face in front of me and my hearing finally returned to my ears.
"The fuck is wrong with you!?" Pops screamed in my face and I stared blankly at him. He was running his hand down his face but I looked behind him. Addi had run over to Sean and I saw my dad run out but he didn't even spare me a glance and went right to Sean.
"You broke the rule, Carter! You know better!" Pops yelled again and I turned my eyes back to his. Reality kicked in and I was finally able to think and realize what I had just done.
I broke the rule.
My one rule.
If I were to spare I can't use my Lycan strength.
I always thought it unfair. But Pops gave it to me when he realized that I kept leaving wolves bruised and beaten for days. He said the next time I did it, I'd be punished...
"He deserved it!" I yelled pointing at Sean as he was now getting helped up by the pack doctor. Now who is dramatic? He was going to heal and be fine in a few hours.
"Carter—no. You're out of control." Pops seethed through his teeth and took a deep breath. His scar looked ever so menacingly in the sunlight.
"Out of control? You heard what he said to me? He said you and Dad were disappointed in me, and that you wanted to get rid of me! To a fucking boot camp." I was panting with anger as I stared at my pops. But he stayed silent, which angered me. He wasn't denying...was it the truth? "He said that Dad wasn't my dad!?" I groaned in frustration, and my eyes met him as the words left my mouth.
But his face fell and I looked into his eyes and there was... remorse? But it was only for a second, He quickly looked away and I felt my heart stop and my chest get tight.
"Oh," I breathed out softly. Which was the opposite of what I was feeling. "He was right?" I asked, my voice as tight as my body.
"Doesn't matter what he said, you know the rules." He sighed and from behind I saw Dad walking up to join Pops.
"That true? You're not my dad?" I asked him as he walked forward. His face went pale and he looked at me in a way that he hadn't looked at me in years. He looked saddened by my reaction...by my question. His eyes were wide with guilt, and tears brimming his eyes.
That's all I needed to know.
I felt my world collapse around me. It felt like I was dying. My insides were being plucked out of me one by one. Tatty, whimpered and howled in pain as it happened. My head thrumming and aching from the new information I just received, and how they are ignoring it. As if their son finding this out isn't as big as it is. Did they truly not give a fuck about me?
No...they didn't.
"Carter..." Dad began to speak but Pops chimed in cutting him off. Though I'm glad. He would have just found a way to lie anyway.
"You know the rules. Two days in the cell." Pops couldn't even meet my eyes as he said it.
Was he about to throw me in the cells with all the fucking rogues? Was he going to ignore the questions at hand? Did I mean nothing to him? Was I not my dad's son?
"You can't be serious? You heard what he said to me? It's fucking justified!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs. The pack watching the scene unfold, I should be embarrassed because of my behavior but I'm not. Years of hurt and pain were leaking out of me now and I couldn't stop it.
"You know the rules." He repeated, his voice low, eyes low, but face cold. The reality of my life closed in as the seconds went on.
They don't care about me.
"Stop saying that! And fucking look at me! You're gonna put your son in the cell for being himself?!" I was panting at this point, my eyes burning from holding back my tears. "Oh wait never mind, I guess I'm not your son." They both stayed silent. And still had yet to look at me. I scoffed and took a step back from my so-called 'parents'.
They don't care about me.
I shook my head, even though it was pounding from how loud I was yelling. "No. No. Fuck that!"
"Carter, you know the—"
"DON'T FUCKING SAY IT AGAIN!" My alpha voice slipped out and I saw the rest of the pack flinch at the cadence. My dad's face went pale, but of course, pops showed nothing.
It's because I meant nothing.
I meant fucking nothing to them.
I turned the tree trunk I was standing beside and started pummeling into it with a scream. So much so that I heard the bones in my hand crack and my hands bleeding from the splinters. The tree trunk now has a very defined chunk missing. As well as the skin that covers my knuckles.
That caught my father's attention as they finally looked at me. Once I stopped I turned around and faced them. My hands were on fire, pain shooting through my arms and my stomach. However, that wasn't enough to get the anger out. To ease the pain that I was feeling.
"Fuck you." My throat was raw with emotion. And tears were now falling down my face. I didn't care. Why should I?
I meant fucking nothing to them.
So they meant nothing to me.
Or at least they would.
"Fuck you." I lifted my broken, bloody finger and pointed it at my dad. His eyes were turning red from tears and my harsh words but I don't care. I meant them.
"And fuck you, Dieter."
And for once. For the first time in a very long time I saw emotion on this man's face...and it was towards me. It caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting it now, out of all the things I've done and said, THIS is what finally gets through to him? His eyes went glassy but I backed away before I got too caught up in it. I ran toward the pack house faster than I have ever run in my life.
Once in my room I pulled out a suitcase and started packing my shit. All of it. Or at least what could fit.
I still remember the first time I called Dieter my dad. I was four. And it was Christmas and I wanted that to be my present for him. He smiled so big and he was so happy. That was the last time he smiled at me.
I don't know what happened...I don't know what I did for him to dislike me so much. But now I'm regretting letting him take that space in my heart in the first place.
And now I'm being plagued with the information that Crispin wasn't my dad? That made no sense. We looked exactly alike. He was all I had known, he was my dad. But then why can't I shake the feeling that what Sean said was true? Everything is fucked. My life is fucked.
I'm fucked.
I didn't even try to fold my clothes I just shoved all I had in the suitcases. My books, my comfort blanket, and my music. I grabbed my car keys and wallet which sat right next to my phone sitting on the charger. My now healed hand hovered over it. But I didn't grab it. Who would call me anyway?
They weren't going to care I was gone.
No one would.
Shit, they'd probably throw a party. So I left it. Once everything was packed, I threw in on a sweatshirt and I snuck out through the pack house to the garage. I jumped in my truck and threw my suitcases in the back seat. And within minutes I was driving.
My fingers were still stained red with blood and were already getting dry and crusty but I didn't care to stop and clean off. I needed to get away. Get away from the people who were supposed to love me, but don't. Who were supposed to accept me, but didn't. And who was supposed to be there for me but isn't?
"FUUUUCKKK!!" I screamed as I hit the gas and made my way to the highway.
My face was damp with tears. My throat burning and it felt hard to breathe. I only knew one place to go. One place that felt like home.
A feeling I haven't had in a long time.