I stood up the moment I saw her make her way to the patio. I hurried to the entrance before realizing there was nowhere to hide except for inside the herb's garden. I was still trying to decide when our eyes met.
"Caitlin?" She was caught off guard too but the bizarre thing was that she sounded and looked worried. She hurried over to my side before I could even blink and grabbed my shoulders. I already went stiff before I realized how gentle her touch was.
Seeing my reaction to her touch, she quickly dropped her hands to her side and cleared her throat.
"What are you doing outside? How do you feel?"
I have never been more perplexed in my life. Why was she all cozy and mummy-like? How was I supposed to react to that?
It was then I realized that everyone in the house was behaving strangely since that night. Daniel was the first then Dad was almost back to his old, henpecked father he used to be before his lover's death.
Now mum? The most unlikely person I could have expected to care seemed to want to fawn over me.
"Why don't you go inside so you don't catch a cold? The air will soon get chilly." She gently said to me,
"Erm.. the house is stuffy." I managed to stutter then looked around me, fidgety for no apparent reason.
"Okay. Why don't you sit down then?" She gestured towards the lounge chairs on the patio.
"Yes, yes, yes!" I nodded slightly, panicking. The moment I was dreading had suddenly arrived and I wasn't ready. I decided right there that the best thing was to let her rant. No matter how harsh her words get, I was determined not to give a single retort till she had her fill.
I allowed her to guide me to the chairs and sat down in one. She instantly sat beside me, staring worriedly at me.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.
I was confused by the tone and the question. Where was the reprimand and why was the voice kind and gentle?
"Tell you what?
"That Ron did that to you."
"Oh! That! I didn't think you would care.' I shrugged off before I realized how I sounded.
Mum paused and I saw the hurt in her eyes. I didn't mean to come off as sarcastic but I wasn't going to apologize either. So I looked away, promising myself that I wouldn't open my mouth again.
"How will I not care, Caitlin? I am your mother."
It was really difficult to keep quiet in the face of falsehood but I did it while I retorted in my heart.
Like, woman, you didn't even carry my pregnancy. You used already extracted sperm and hired a womb. How are you, my mother?
"Nobody harms my child like that. Nobody! If you had told me that such a thing happened, things would have been different." She continued.
"How?" I had to ask. "What about the problems you said the family would get into if I don't marry Riley? Dad said you could go to prison."
Deep down, I always knew telling them would cause a lot of problems for Uncle Ron. But the main reason why I didn't say anything was because I knew he was drunk. Very drunk. One of my resentments was never about getting raped. The problem was that he was Riley's father and sleeping with my Mum. In fact, If not for that, I dont mind him raping me over and over. I can't count how many times I have imagined his face while masturbating since the rape happened. He was so good and filled me up like no other penis. Thanks to him, I now know the reason why girls say size matters. It fucking does. But the guilt I felt each time I desired him in secret can not also be ignored. I was disgusted with myself.
My greatest resentment came from having no choice. If I could reject that marriage, all these wouldn't have happened. What has happened was even beyond what I feared would happen. I have imagined Uncle Ron's death in my father's hands and I have always con lied that Mum wouldn't let Dad kill him. Worst that would happen was that we would cut off ties with him. What I never saw coming was how Riley got mixed up in the whole issue.
Mum grabbed my hands and squeezed them affectionately.
"You don't have to worry about such things. I will take care of everything. Nobody will go to prison. I promise you."
"Okay." I nodded and stood up. I suddenly wanted to cry but not In Front of her. "I will go up now."
"She stood up too and suddenly hugged me. I was unprepared and just stood in her arms like a ruler, waiting for her next move.
"I am so sorry Caitlin. I am so sorry. Please forgive me."
What was I supposed to say to that? Well I didn't know what to say so I just kept standing in her arms until it was hard to breathe.
"I can't breathe Mum."
"Oh sorry. I… hurry go in before you catch a cold.." she started stuttering after awkwardly releasing me.
With the way she sounded, I knew she would be red in the face but I couldn't dare to let her see my face. My eyes were brimming with tears that could drop at any time. I needed to get away from her as so many emotions collided in my head, making my chest tight and painful. I dashed across the compound and didn't stop until I was in my room with my door secured. I crashed on the bed as I allowed my emotions to take over.
I must have wept for a long time because by the time I woke up, it was the next morning and someone was knocking on my door. I stood up feeling weak and grumpy.
"Who is it?" I asked before opening the door. It was Uncle Liam with a tray of food. He walked past me without a word and placed the food on my bedside table.
"Stop locking your door." He said to me without looking at me.
"Why can't I lock my door? I am not a kid."
"It's Master Woods' order." He replied.
"Why?"
Uncle Liam just shrugged.
"There will be dinner at 2pm" was all the reply I got after which he turned around and left.
I was puzzled. Why would dad say something like that? It sounded like something Mum would say. What drama was about to brew again?
He was gone before I remembered that I was yet to get my phone back so I quickly ate the food, took the medication that came with it and hurried to find him. But he told me that my phone was with Dad. When I asked after Dad, I was told he went to the farm. Since I had to wait and had nothing to do, I went back to my room to play with myself.
For the first time in several days, I woke up feeling horny but when I was ready to masturbate, I remembered that my toy was also in that room. I quickly hurried there to find it clean. All the furniture was resealed to prevent dust and moisture. Not knowing how to go about finding my vibrator, I went back to my room, located my plastic pestle and did things the old way. It was never as good as using the toy but at least, I came.
Dinner at 2pm was a large affair. A whole seven meal course. I was sure we were not celebrating anything so I was puzzled. Knowing that I would get no explanation until after the meal, I dug into it and ate to my fill.
Everything on the table was my favorite.