My mother said she was worried about me because it wasn't healthy. I just smiled and blurted. I really wasn't interested in getting involved with anyone at the time, not even casually and my friendships boiled down to the Alcântara family, however, Ricardo was always traveling and Nicolas was now married. I didn't want to go out with Henrique, because he was the so-called catcher and I wasn't in the mood to be with any woman.
Now I was in a restaurant, having lunch with Luana, because we had met by chance when she went to present a business proposal to Mendes, on behalf of the company in which she worked and I attended the meeting, replacing my father, who had accompanied my mother in a routine consultation.
We had exchanged our contacts the other time we bumped into each other, but this time she pulled subject matter with me by message. At first, I believed that there was some sexual or love interest on her part, but she soon told me that she was looking for another job because she was not satisfied with the current company.
We had arranged a meeting that morning, but as I could not attend to her due to an unforeseen event in my schedule, I then scheduled that lunch, because in the afternoon I would be in a meeting and did not want to postpone it to the next day, since she seemed to me very anxious for an opportunity.
We chose that restaurant randomly and by total coincidence, I ended up finding Viviane and my brother having lunch there and seeing them holding hands, the affectionate look they exchanged, something I did not want to accept, but that was really bothering me, a terrible feeling came with full force in my chest: jealousy.
The jealousy I felt at seeing the two of them together was eating away at me from the inside, but as strange as it might seem, inside the mansion, in this more than a month that I was sharing the same residence with them, I had never seen them as a couple really, as they maintained pretty much the same kind of relationship as when they were "just friends." at least as far as we all knew.
But there in the restaurant, there seemed to be a connection between them.
"I see your brother is at the other table with his wife."
I was uncomfortable with the comment, as always happened when someone talked about the fact that they were a couple, expressing something that it seemed until I didn't want to accept.
" Yes " Although it wasn't a question, I felt the need to say something.
" Very beautiful, Viviane " As I continued with my head down, pretending to be interested in the dish in front of me, I did not notice the evaluative look that Luana was casting toward me.
" It's " Before she could say anything else, I raised my head and decided to talk about the subject that had led us there. " So, why do you want to leave the company you're currently working for? "I was direct.
She then explained to me that she wasn't feeling happy in her current job, recalling the episode with Otávio, the ex-boyfriend she was having dinner with when she asked me for help getting rid of his harassment, and I ended up helping her. She explained that he had recently been hired and would be her boss and that she didn't want to continue in the company for that reason, which I had to agree would be a very unpleasant thing since I remembered what had already happened between them.
As she spoke, I couldn't help but look toward the table my brother and Viviane were at and think it was all wrong. I could no longer deny that truth to myself. I messed up with Vivi too much. I lost the woman I always wanted with me, but who I always pretended not to want and now we were each going their own way.
Seeing Luana's problem with her ex-boyfriend, how much she really didn't like him, the fact that she wanted to be as far away as possible, and that even working close to him was unsustainable to the point that she left a company she liked to work for due to her presence, I realized that I really never wanted to be truly away from Vivi.
I always wanted to be around her. To be with her. If only for one to pretend to the other that he didn't care or that he didn't like the other. As Luana spoke, I just remembered the moments when I was with Vivi and how fully satisfied I was when we were together, how happy I felt to be with her. And when I wanted to be away, it was precise because I knew that I could not control myself by being close, as was happening now, right now.
" You know it's wrong to covet your brother's wife, don't you? " Luana spoke, bringing me to reality.
I immediately looked at her, but despite her criticism, she had a smiling expression on her face.
"I don't know what you're talking about" I tried to disengage.
"João Felipe, I would really like someone to look at me the same way you looked at Viviane right now. There's love there, I have no doubt."
I ran my hand through my hair, disheveling it. I was stunned. She was right about me loving Vivi. It was no use denying something that was overflowing with me. And she was also right about the fact that I was lusting after my brother's wife. But the fact that I was taking on this love didn't matter at all, for she was committed to another and that other was my own brother.
"From what I see, there's a confusion of feelings there, in that heart."
"You're very insightful, Luana. But the situation, from what you can see with your own eyes, is quite complex and I'm in bad shape" I realized the obvious.
" It's never too late to go in search of what you really want, João Felipe " she spoke with such conviction, that I admired her. " But I know they've built a family together, so you have to think really hard about what you really want with Viviane."