Episode 26: Damn Cliché
…What did she just say?
Husband?
‘Hey, Skybreaker. Do you know that woman?’
[How would I know some random person from the Martial World?]
‘Then what the hell is this?’
I was dumbfounded. Just as dumbfounded, Tang Siyuk looked at me and said,
“Sir, what’s going on? Did she really say ‘husband’? Is what that Paeng Clan lunatic said true? Is that why you knew about Treasure Hoarders?”
“No way. This is my first time seeing her too.”
Treasure Hoarders.
A group formed by the cherished daughter of the Paeng Clan of Hebei, one of the Five Great Houses. They specialized in professional ruin exploration.
I remembered what Yun Yeopja and Tang Siyuk had said when ruins were first mentioned.
“That’s right. A few years ago, a ruin was discovered with the sword manual of the ancient master Three Joy Blade Saint from 300 years ago. It caused a huge commotion.”
“In the end, the Paeng Clan fought fiercely and claimed it. I ran into some of their people recently, and they were full of themselves.”
The Paeng Clan had absorbed the swordsmanship essence left behind by the Three Joy Blade Saint and were rapidly rising in power. Even the Namgung Clan, typically unmatched among the Five Great Houses, was on edge.
Paeng Soso had gotten a taste for ruins after that incident. She had personally witnessed what a windfall it was to successfully explore a ruin. She then secretly embezzled some clan funds and ran away, founding Treasure Hoarders.
The masculine Paeng Clan simply assumed she ran away and left it at that.
“Then why the hell is she calling me husband...?”
“I want to know that too.”
We were shocked, but the members of Treasure Hoarders just sighed and shook their heads.
“Ugh… Here we go again. She’s at it again.”
“Wasn’t she into that sea guy last time? Said something about liking rugged types.”
“Didn’t she go on about how ‘real men only need one eye!’ or whatever? Isn’t this guy way too pretty to be a ‘real man’?”
Judging by their reactions, this wasn’t anything new.
“You all wanna die? Want your tongues to meet the dirt?”
“Gah! Sorry!”
As Paeng Soso snapped, they all shut up.
“Something’s not right…”
She was definitely Paeng Soso. Small frame, looked like a middle schooler. And there were few masters who could wield a saber that massive.
Even Tang Siyuk seemed to recognize her—this had to be her.
But still, she wasn’t like the Paeng Soso I knew.
The one I knew was greedy to the core, dragging chaos and slaughter wherever she went. I’d worked sales for years in the modern world, and I’d met all kinds of people—one look at someone’s eyes was enough to get a sense of them. And hers were too clear.
That kind of person burning down her own clan for treasure? It made no sense.
‘Is there a variable I don’t know yet?’
It was still about three years earlier than when Paeng Soso made her first appearance in Return of the Murim.
“Still, can a person really change that much?”
Then again, there were other oddities too. Saweol had gotten goofier and more absent-minded, and Tak Horak was unusually loyal and obedient. The people around me were just a bit off from how I remembered them.
Wait a minute.
Don’t tell me—
“Hey!”
Just as I was about to piece together a major secret, Paeng Soso marched over.
And, as expected, the first to react was Tang Siyuk.
“Don’t come!”
“What the heck, Tang Siyuk. Why so cold to your dear older sister?”
“Stay away! Sir, we need to run! If she gets a hold of you, you’re done—”
“Done? Done, huh??”
“I still have nightmares about what happened back then!”
With each word from the tiny woman who looked no older than a middle schooler, Tang Siyuk’s complexion grew paler and paler. Something definitely happened between them.
“Come on, be honest. You had fun too, didn’t you? Don’t Tang Clan kids mess around with traps and stuff from a young age?”
“There’s a limit! Who the hell disables both my arms’ pressure points and throws me into a pit of poison beasts?!”
“Psh. I didn’t know there were that many in there. Besides, you came out fine. Your poison arts improved, didn’t they? That makes me your benefactor. You should be bowing to me, not calling me a lunatic. Want me to kill you?”
Yeah… definitely something happened.
Well, the Five Great Houses were known to be especially close-knit, so they probably interacted a lot. Especially the powerhouses: Paeng, Tang, Namgung, and Zhuge Clans often worked together.
‘I think I get why Morong-su pushed things so far.’
The Morong Clan was barely considered one of the Five Great Houses. Sometimes the Jinju Yeon Clan or the Hwangbo Clan took that last spot, so their position was always unstable. Maybe they resorted to the Divorce Arts just to maintain that spot.
“Anyway, what’s your name?”
Paeng Soso’s question was directed at me.
First impressions were everything in business. I steadied my voice and replied in a calm, unwavering tone.
“Kim Dong-yun.”
“Kim Dong-yun? So, you’re from the East?”
“How did you know?”
“Well, after raiding so many Eastern Immortals’ ruins, you notice a pattern. Most of the names are Kim, Lee, or Park. The East’s kinda far, though. What about that Taoist over there?”
This time, she was referring to Yun Yeopja. After hearing his introduction, she nodded.
“Kunlun Taoists can’t get married, right? I knew my instincts were right. Hey, Kim. Marry me.”
What the hell is this girl saying?
“Excuse me?”
“You didn’t even flinch when my blade wind came flying. Everyone else reacted—but not you. That means you knew it wouldn’t hit you, didn’t you?”
No. I didn’t react because I couldn’t. But it was too late to admit that now, so I just played it cool.
“I’ve got good instincts. I can tell how strong someone is just by looking. That Taoist guy over there, he’s strong. Probably around Transcendent Peak.”
“But you…”
She narrowed her eyes, trying to assess me.
“I can’t read you at all. You don’t seem to have any aura. Like, none.”
“I thought only my grandfather could suppress his aura that well. Don’t tell me—you’re some ancient immortal who reversed aging?!”
I couldn’t display aura due to my unique constitution. Paeng Soso’s guess made both Tang Siyuk and Yun Yeopja audibly gasp. This misunderstanding was growing wildly out of control.
Reverse aging immortal? I’m barely in my thirties.
“I’m twenty-six, so that’s perfect. A four-year age gap is ideal for compatibility.”
“W-wait a minute!”
At that moment—
While Paeng Soso was going on at her own pace, a man stepped up behind her.
A scholarly-looking man, wearing flashy accessories. Well, flashy attire wasn’t exactly rare in the Martial World, but—
“Who’s that?”
From the way he spoke, he seemed like one of the Treasure Hoarders members. But someone that distinctive surely would’ve been described in Return of the Murim. I didn’t recall him.
No way someone this immersed in the novel wouldn’t remember him.
‘Treasure Hoarders isn’t supposed to be active for another three years. Did something change in that time…? Or am I right after all?’
“Sis. This really isn’t the time, is it?”
“Jo-yang? Why?”
The man, apparently named Jo-yang, lowered his voice. Not that it mattered in the echoing cave.
“The fact that they made it into this hidden ruin means they have business here.”
“Oh! Right!”
Tang Siyuk stepped forward confidently.
“Indeed. This esteemed brother here is on a mission to retrieve a treasured relic from the East. So, Paeng Soso, step aside.”
“Haah? You brat. You looking to die? Can’t even control your tongue?”
“What?! You think I’m still the same as back then?!”
“One good slap and you’ll be bawling.”
“Sis, I’m telling you—this isn’t the time.”
Jo-yang made a subtle hand gesture and mouthed something silently to her.
“Alright, alright. Keep your nagging to yourself.”
Paeng Soso slammed her massive saber into the ground. The weapon sunk into the hard floor like tofu, anchoring itself.
She crossed her arms and said,
“There’s a rule in ruin exploration, you know. First come, first serve.”
“But he’s from the East…”
“Are you his spokesperson? Shut it. I don’t care about Eastern affairs. What matters is that this is a ruin—and ruins have their own rules.”
She wasn’t wrong. There was a long tradition of fights over ruins, so an informal set of rules had developed over time.
“You’ve got your reasons, I’ve got mine. So let’s do this instead.”
She pointed behind her.
“See that formation? It twists people’s senses and perception. One step in, and you lose your sense of direction. Misstep once, and you’ll fall who-knows-where.”
A thick mist—I'd seen it earlier. Within it was a narrow, perilous cliff path.
“We’ve already had Jo-yang disable it.”
Apparently, Jo-yang was a formation expert.
“I tried to blow it away with a blade wind, but that didn’t work. So here’s the deal.”
Paeng Soso smiled brightly.
“Wait here patiently, and when I come back, I’ll give you the relic. In exchange, marry me.”
“Why are you so obsessed with marriage?”
“My dream is to have eleven kids and form a soccer team.”
“I know I’m pretty. So stop staring.”
She was as bold as her tone—no, she was insane. And her companions seemed to think the same.
“Sis! That’s not right!”
“You know how hard it was to get past those traps?!”
“Shut it! I did almost all the work! You just followed!”
Paeng Soso turned and shouted at them.
“If you’ve got a problem, fight me. Beat me, and I’ll listen. That’s how we do things, remember?”
At her words, the Treasure Hoarders members all shut up again.
[Is that woman from the Heavenly Demon Cult?]
“She can’t be.”
[For someone from the Martial World, she has a respectable mindset.]
‘Should I marry her if I end up liking her?’
[Do you have a death wish?]
‘Can’t even joke, huh.’
Like hell I’m marrying the heir of the Paeng Clan while living in the body of Sado Hwan, heir of the Heavenly Demon Cult. Even getting involved is dangerous.
Besides, I don’t even belong in this world. I can talk to people and show emotions, but to me, this world still feels like an illusion.
“Sir, you’re not seriously considering her crazy proposal, right?!”
Tang Siyuk looked worried. Rightly so.
“There’s no need for that.”
“What?”
“That formation—I can pass through it too.”
‘Right, Skybreaker?’
[It’s possible. I can see through it. There’s an altar inside.]
The formation clouding the ruin disrupted human perception. But Skybreaker wasn’t human. A spiritual presence bound to the sword, it wasn’t affected.
The plan was simple.
I wouldn’t walk—I’d grab Skybreaker and fly through. Skybreaker had enough strength to carry a few people.
“Don’t act all brave now. It’d be a waste if my future husband died.”
“That won’t happen—on either side.”
I calmly walked past Paeng Soso. My eyes briefly met Jo-yang’s. He quickly looked away.
Sinister.
Yeah, eyes that hid their intent were the most dangerous.
Compared to that, the other Treasure Hoarders members were…
“Damn, that guy’s ridiculously good-looking.”
“How’s he so pale and still strong?”
“Should we really let him go?”
“If he’s stronger than sis, who’s gonna stop him?”
They mumbled until I made eye contact. Then they all whistled and looked away. A bit dumb, but good-hearted.
‘Was it Jo-yang who changed Paeng Soso? Or… something else?’
Anyway, I stood before the misty border.
‘Ready?’
[You be the one to get ready.]
“Always so sweet. Here we go.”
I stepped into the mist.
In that moment—
—!
I felt like my insides twisted. I couldn’t see anything. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t see a step ahead—I couldn’t even see my own body.
My sense of direction shattered. I couldn’t tell up from down, left from right.
[Focus, you fool.]
Skybreaker slipped from its sheath by itself. I clutched its hilt with all my might. I couldn’t even tell if I was holding it right.
[Hold on tight.]
I gripped it with all my strength. Since I couldn’t see anyway, I just closed my eyes. The sound of my clothes fluttering echoed all around me.
Then—
[How long are you going to stay like that? Open your eyes.]
I opened them… and realized I was lying on the ground, butt sticking out.
[Don’t use my body for such an undignified posture, fool.]
“Khmm, ahem.”
I stood up quickly. Thank god no one saw that.
I took a breath and looked around.
It wasn’t a narrow cave—it was a massive chamber.
Four enormous statues stood, each holding a weapon: a sword, a saber, a spear, and an axe. Each was about six meters tall—in this world’s terms, around two jang.
At the center of their semicircle stood an altar.
“This doesn’t feel right.”
[What do you mean?]
“The statues… don’t they look like they’re about to charge?”
[Indeed. Uncannily lifelike. What masterful carving.]
“I’m not wondering how they were carved. I’m wondering why they were carved that way.”
Just as I hesitated and stepped back—
Click—
I stepped on a section of the floor I’d missed while flying in.
Creak—grind—
Did you see that?
[…I saw it.]
“I think we’re screwed.”
[Crude—but accurate.]
The statues all turned their heads at once. Blue ghost fire flared in their eyes.
Their gaze locked onto me.
“Damn cliché.”
Their weapons came rushing at me.