Laughter erupts from the living room, a kid’s voice follows and my lips curve in a smile. I pause the YuuTube tutorial I’m watching and set my tab down on the counter. I’m trying a new recipe I found online. Ben has been working extra hours so he can’t cook as much anymore and I’m tired of takeouts for dinner.
With a hand under my belly, I meander to the living room. Maddie is on her feet, clapping and giggling at the television. There’s an old show playing. A family series I starred in one year after graduation. I clear my throat and my baby girl spins to face me. She grins and everything feels right. The nine hours of labour, the screams, the pain. They don’t matter.
Running towards me, she stops a few inches from me and grabs my hand. “See Mummy,” she says, pointing at the television. I’m helping the second male lead set up his outfit for work. Her blue eyes flash with childlike innocence when she runs her hands over my huge tummy. “Mummy is now big.”
I’m not big. I’m just pregnant. Kids are too blunt. I slip her little hand into mine and guide us to the couch. The movement evokes a small sigh from me. Maddie sits so close to me her arm is flush against mine. She peers up at me and pouts.
“Why are you big, Mummy?”
“It’s because I am carrying your brother,” I tell her, hands moving over my stomach. Portraits of us hang from the walls, soon, the little one’s portrait will be added. “He will be coming out soon.”
Next two weeks to be precise. I can’t wait to meet my little champion. For Maddie, we wanted her gender to be a surprise. And I was the only one wrong about her gender. This time, I wanted to know what gender I was carrying.
Lord help Benny junior but he better have my looks. I always joked about the kids having their father’s face but after those long hours in the labour room and the pain, they need to look more like me, not Ben who fainted after my first scream. Thankfully, he woke up before the whole process was over.
Maddie’s lips pucker. “Did you swallow him?”
“No,” I reply with a gentle flick of my finger on her nose. My curious little Ben lookalike asks questions like this all the time. I make a face that earns me a giggle. “I didn’t swallow him. He’s growing in my belly.”
“Hmm,” is all I get and I’m grateful because I have no idea how to explain this to her today.
I rise to my feet and she does the same. Her grin is intact as she slides her hand into mine. I fluff her black hair. It’s unfair. She got Ben’s eyes, hair; his whole face. No vitiligo. I guess I’m the only one who’s allowed to have superpowers.
“Sweetie, do you want to help Mummy in the kitchen?” Maddie’s head bobs furiously and I stifle a laugh. At least one of us females enjoys cooking. “You have to turn off the TV first.” She shuffles to the television to switch it off, then returns to me with a bigger smile. I blow her a kiss. “Good girl.”
“Good mummy,” she replies.
My heart quivers. Statements like this one makes the pain of childbearing worth it. I lower my hand for a high five and she smashes hers against it.
Hands laced together, we head to the kitchen. All sharp objects are far from her reach but I’m still wary as Maddie starts for the drawers.
“What do you want, Maddie?” It was my idea to name her after Ben’s mother. My Maddie twiddles her fingers and I place a hand on my waist. She’s about to ask for something I will most likely refuse. “Maddie...”
“Candy,” she says. I start shaking my head and she pouts. “Mummy, may I please have some candy?”
“No. Not yet.”
Her smile vanishes. She stomps her feet and juts out her lower lip. “Mummy. Candy. Mummy. Candy.”
“Patience, sweetie.” I stretch my hand and she grabs it. “You can have one tomorrow.”
“But I want one now.”
“Patience, patience,” I start singing in a tune from one of her TV shows. “Patience.”
“Patience, patience,” she continues, chanting it with a smile. I give her a thumbs up and help her onto a smaller stool. She’s still chanting her song and I’m so tempted to grant her request. “What are we cooking?”
“Lasagna. From scratch.”
“I like lasagna,” she mumbles.
I pick up my phone and resume the tutorial. We need to get started now so dinner is ready before Ben arrives. “Daddy likes it too,” I add.
“Lasagna!” she quips, pumping her fists in the air.
Laughing, I get her cooking bowl and a small spatula so she can stir her own portion. Ben introduced her to cooking and it’s a cool way for us to bond. I move closer to my baby, one earbud plugged in to listen to the tutor’s instructions. Ben will lose his shit when he returns home to a full homemade meal.
“Did anything happen at school today?” She started daycare a month after I became pregnant with her brother. “Did you talk to Jonathan or anyone new today?”
Her cheeks pink. She shakes her head and her bangs fly into her eyes. “No, Mummy.”
“Okay, sweetie. I also didn’t do anything today.”
Because my cast members think the baby will drop any moment. The director doesn’t care. I’m not allowed on set for the next two months except to watch. No fun in watching.
We prepare the sauce, chatting about stuff only kids can think of. After her second taste of the sauce, she gives a grin of approval. The pasta is soon ready. I wait a bit before setting it the lasagna to bake.
The doorbell rings about an hour later. I peek from the window. Ben’s car is out front. Maddie looks to me for an explanation. “It’s Daddy,” I tell her. Ben has his own keys so I don’t have to rush to the door. Not like I can rush anywhere with this stomach. “Do you want to go and welcome him?”
“Can I have a candy first?”
My facial expression almost cracks. “Not today. Tomorrow.”
“Okay, Mummy.” Bouncing out of the kitchen, she says in a sing-song voice, “Patience. Patience. Patience.”
It’s something Ben and I taught her. It’s tricky to teach a four-year old patience but we try. I’m halfway done with cleaning the counter when Maddie walks in with her mouth full. She stretches her arms for me to carry her and I look behind her in search of my husband. My stomach won’t let me carry her.
I hoist her on the counter instead. My head pulls back to inspect her face and she grins.
“What are you eating?”
“Candy!” she squeals, mount opening to show me the colourful goodies in her mouth.
Kids will always try. I know the answer before I ask but I murmur, “Who gave you?”
“Babe.” I frown and Maddie corrects herself. “It’s Daddy.” Ben and I have been trying to let her know we are Daddy and Mummy not babe. But I can’t blame her since it’s what we use with each other. “Daddy gave me candy. I like Daddy.” Yeah, until she wants something he won’t give her. Her arms pull me in for a hug. “I like you too, Mummy.”
“Love you too, baby. Go play in your room for a bit.” I help her down from the counter. She tugs on the hem of my shirt. “I’ll come get you for dinner, okay?” Once she’s out of sight, I slap the napkin on the counter and scream, “Ben. Benjamin.”
A smiling Ben waltzes into the kitchen with his tie askew, buttons undone. I slap his arms reaching for me. A look at my face and he knows he messed up.
“Babe,” he whines. “But she asked nicely.”
This man. I brace myself on the counter and he tries again to hug me. “What did I say about letting her have candies before dinner?” Ben opens his mouth but says nothing. Just like I thought. It’s hard to get Maddie to eat real food so snacks before dinner are prohibited. “Babe, you’re sleeping on the couch.”
“But I slept there yesterday.”
“Because you deserved it.” I punch his arm and he lets out an exaggerated scream. My big, overgrown baby. “Besides, you joined me in bed later.”
“Maybe.”
My frown eases. I undo the rest of his buttons and tie and he offers me a smile. “How was work?”
“Not bad.” I allow him to hold me. He kisses me first, then my baby bump. “I missed you, babe.”
“I missed you too. Your daughter said I’m big.”
Ben laughs. I smack his chest and he wipes off his mischievous grin. “You’re not big, just sexier.”
His tongue leaves a trail of wet kisses over my neck. I moan into his chest. “You’re spoiling her, Benny.”
“But Maddie makes it so hard to say no.” I poke his chest with a finger. He sighs. “And she is too cute, Gracie. I can’t say no to my little princess.”
“Ben.”
The warning in my voice sets him straight. Or so it looks like. He hugs me from behind and my body thrums in response. “Fine. I’ll try, okay?”
Right. That’s what he said the last time and the time before the last time. I place a kiss on the inside of his wrist. “I still love you.”
“Of course you do,” he mutters. He palms my swollen belly. “You are carrying my baby boy.”
I back away from him. “So that’s all I am? A baby carrier?” His face pales. His experience with my first pregnancy has taught him more about my unpredictable mood swings. Ben throws his hands up. My eyes water. “Is that all I am to you?”
“Babe, I swear that’s not what I meant.” He tries to reach for me and I hide my hands at my back. “You’re more than a baby carrier. I love you, babe. I didn’t mean it like that.” I blink rapidly and tears roll down my cheeks. Ben inches closer to me. “Gracie, stop crying, okay? I don’t like it. Okay. I won’t give Maddie candies before dinner again.”
I nibble on my lower lip. “You promise?”
“I swear it,” he spits out, face tight with worry.
The laughter finally breaks free from my lips. Ben sags with relief when he figures I am only playing with him. “You should have seen your face, Benny.” Ben bops my nose and I laugh harder. I always get him. I’m not an award winning actress for nothing. “That’s what you get for giving my baby candy.”
“I won’t give her candy again,” he promises.
I don’t say anything to that, just push him out of the kitchen. We will handle this matter later.