It hurts too much. My body is on fire and it’s not yet right to push. Why isn’t it time? I need them to get the baby out of me. Not later, now.
Sweat drips down my forehead and my eyes sting with tears. The doctor has stopped the bleeding. I have been cleaned up, changed into a hospital gown.
They say everything is fine but it’s not. The contractions are ripping me from inside out and all Ben does is mutter unintelligible gibberish. He put the baby inside me, he should experience the pain too.
“Are you okay?” Ben asks.
I glare at him. How can I be okay? Whatever the doctor gave me is keeping me awake so I have no respite from the pain. Ben pushes my hair away from my sweaty forehead and I lean into him for comfort. I’m tired but I’m glad our son is okay.
“I’m sorry, Gracie,” my husband says. Pushing past my pain, I offer him a questioning glance. Maddie is fine, right? My parents are okay too, right? Ben wipes the tears spilling to my cheeks. I would have thought doing this once would make this experience better. Hell no. “I’m sorry I can’t do more to help.”
“It’s okay,” I manage to whisper. “You’re here. And you’ve not fainted.” His lips curl in a tiny smile that disappears as fast as it comes. I cast a look at his wristwatch. He was asked to time the contraction. Stupid contractions. Stupid everything. “How many minutes now?”
“Ten.”
Ten minutes gap between my last contraction. The doctor permitted me to take a walk or stretch but my body demands I stay in bed. I swear, after today, we are no longer having any babies. Ben’s knuckles run up and down my cheek in a soothing manner.
“Your parents are outside,” Ben mutters. He adjusts in his seat and draws my hands into his grasp. “My mum is on her way. Should I let your mum in?”
“Not yet.” I recline on the bed, legs folded at the knees because it’s the most comfortable position at the moment. “How’s Maddie? Is she okay?”
Ben smiles. “She’s with her grandmother.”
The curtains crack open to reveal a view of the outside world. Of the people living their lives freely, walking, talking and laughing without the burden of a contraction. Why can’t childbirth be painless?
I ground my teeth as a wave of pain hits me. “Time it,” I grit out. Another bout of pain hits me harder than the first. My head falls back with a groan. Ben tries to wipe the sweat off my face but I dodge his hand. It is his fault. He got me pregnant. “It hurts.”
“Sorry.”
The interval between each contraction grows shorter. I’m almost pushing Ben out of the room when it reduces to four minutes but he doesn’t budge. The doctor said to call him when it’s two minutes but I’m not sure I can wait any longer. I need Benny junior out of my body immediately.
I’m silent for a moment. My eyes fly open and I scream, “Call the doctor, Benny. Now. Get out.”
God. I’m delirious with pain. I breathe through my mouth, eyes clenched shut. There’s a shuffle of feet. A door closes. It opens again and new voices break the quiet. An unfamiliar hand touches me, then the kind face of the doctor appears. He smiles. He means the best for me but I want to break his nose.
Legs bent at the knees and spread open for Benny’s entrance, I am ready to meet my baby boy. After a few more prodding, the doctor gives a thumbs up. He stands at the foot of the bed, hands on my knees.
“Alright. Ready?” I give a weak nod. “Push.”
I push.
I close my eyes, summon my internal strength and push and push and push. The doctor nods for me to keep going. Really? He is not out yet? My eyes sought Ben’s, he is not here. Oh, he’s behind the doctor. My angry eyes cut into his and he hurries by my side.
“Should I hold you?” Ben asks.
“Just stay here,” I yell in reply. “Don’t move.” Tears trickle down my cheeks. Ben tucks my hair behind my ear and flashes me a small smile. Our son is not out yet. Why? I am tired. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess.”
“It’s okay. Just push for us, okay?”
Another nod from the doctor and Ben’s encouraging words spurs me to push again. I don’t stop pushing till the doctor says, “Keep going, Mrs Carter. I can see his head.”
Thank God.
“You can do it, babe,” comes from Ben. I give a final pushing, letting out a relieved breath as the rest of our baby boy slips out of me. Ben kisses my temple, my forehead, my lips. “You did it, Gracie.”
We did it, I want to say but I’m too tired to speak.
Everything else is a blur. I watch through tired eyes as Ben severs the umbilical cord. One of the nurses returns with the baby covered in a shawl and hands him to Ben. Ben gasps. Inaudible giggles sputter out of my lips as I take in the sight of father and son.
A tear falls out of Ben’s eyes and he quickly wipes it off. My heart is full. I’m content. Carefully, Ben drops him in my arms. Benny junior stretches his tiny arms and we laugh. His eyes open momentarily for us to glimpse his brown eyes and my heart skips.
Yes. My baby has my eyes. Tears roll down the corners of my eyes. Benny junior has all my love.
“He’s beautiful,” Ben says.
“Just like his mama,” I chip in.
“Yeah. Just like you.” Ben glances down at his son cradled in my arms. He looks as tired as I do but he is sporting a proud grin. “He looks like you, Gracie.”
It’s too early to say who our son looks like but I agree. He already has my eyes. Maybe we will both have superpowers. I frown at Ben’s bloodied shirt. He needs to change.
“You should go home,” I tell him.
“Without you?” I nod. He can come back later. “No way, Gracie. I’m staying here. We will go home together.”
“No. I mean, go home to clean up,” I say.
“Nope. I don’t care. I’m staying here with you and my babies.” I giggle. It’s his choice. I don’t mind the company but I bet I won’t miss him so much with his junior here in my arms. He touches my knees. “I love you, Gracie. I was so worried. Fuck.”
“Don’t swear around our son,” I chide. Ben winks. Silly man. “I was scared too. But we are fine now.”
“Yeah. Your parents are dying to see you and our baby.” I give a nod for him to invite them in without looking up from our son. I adjust the beanie on my newborn’s head and my heart quivers. I look up when I don’t hear the sound of footsteps. “What’s his name? We had two choices and you didn’t pick.”
Because I wanted him to know later. After his son’s arrival.
“What if we make Louise his middle name?”
Louise was Ben’s first choice. Nate was his second. Ben’s brows knit in confusion. Those options are for his son’s first name, not middle names. He sinks into the chair he drags closer to the bed. “Not bad,” he says. “But what will be his first name? Nate?”
“Benjamin. We can just call him Benny junior like I have been doing for a while now,” I reply and stick out my tongue. I have been waiting to tell him my choice since forever. Ben is mute. But tears well up his eyes. “I can’t think of a better name for our son or a better person he should be named after.”
“Babe,” he whines. He sweeps our baby into his arms and rocks him from. His eyes lift to mine and the tears flow down his cheek. “Gracie. Thank you.” He rubs his nose against his son’s and my chest erupts with joy. “My son’s name is also Benjamin.”
“Yeah. Benjamin Junior.”
“Benjamin Louis Carter,” Ben mutters. A glint of pride lights up his eyes and his chest puffs. I tuck the pillow behind my back. “First of his name.”
“First of his name,” I concur. I stretch out my arms for our baby. “You should call them in.”
“Yeah,” he says and plants a kiss on my lips. At the door, he halts. “I’ll be right back. I love you.”
“I love you more.”
I wave him off, eager to bond with my son. Benny junior cracks an eye open again, then the second. We stare at each other for a minute and he grins.
Oh, my heart. I think I have had enough but this cute smile is everything. It’s the whole world in my arms. I slip my index finger between his hand and he curls his palm around my finger. I’m so blessed.
The door opens and my family troops in. Ben is not with them. The door opens a second after and he walks in wearing a new shirt. Maddie rushes to me. She’s always running. I shake my head when she opens her arms for the baby. My mum moves closer to peek at her grandson and my dad lifts Maddie to the bed so she can get a better view of her brother.
She touches his chin with her index finger. “What’s his name?”
“Benny,” I answer.
“But that’s Daddy’s name.”
“And now it’s your brother’s,” Ben replies. He is watching our interaction with a smile. I doubt both of us will be able to stop smiling anytime soon. “Me and your brother share the same name, Maddie.”
“But my name is not Mummy’s name.”
“Madeline Grace Carter,” my mum replies on our behalf. I flash her a grateful smile as she scoops Maddie into her arms. She bops her granddaughter’s nose. “Your mum’s name is Grace. That’s why your daddy calls her Gracie.”
Maddie grins. “I like my name.”
“I love your name,” Ben quips. She stretches her arms to him and he carries her. My mum swoops my son into her arms, providing me with temporary relief. Ben catches my eyes drooping and he mouths, “I love you, babe.”
I love him too.
As my eyes take in the sight before me, the pain, the hours of contractions don’t matter anymore. Maybe I am crazy but I won’t mind doing this again.
I have Ben.
I have Maddie.
I have Benny junior.
I have my parents.
I have my sibling and best friends love though they are not here.
I have everything I’ll ever need in my life.
I am complete.
* * * * *
A/N: Thank you so much for reading. This story wouldn’t have made it far without your constant support.
I hope you enjoyed coming on this journey with me and the characters. Please follow me on Instagram: maramarthaa or Facebook: Maramartha for more updates on Calum’s story: To Seduce My Stepbrother.