Chapter 59: Called it the first.
"Such an attention seeking negro..." Milton yelled leaving the room. Steadily blinking her eyes open, Panashe felt embarrassed seeing all eyes on her. She was not in the conjoined study room anymore infact it felt so comfortable. This is the most comfortable she had felt in a very long time. Trying to remember her last thought, her heart panicked. It dawned onto her that, she had received her freedom. It kept ringing like a bell, she felt as if it had all been a dream like the many other times, she would be disappointed to wake up and see no changes. Looking around her environment she found people suddenly heading out the room. Lady Martha gave her a warm smile and whispered... "William make sure she has a bath then you two can come down for dinner."
"Very well, Mother!" He replied.
"Panashe, do you have any allergies? I'm afraid I stayed with you for half of a year but never quite got aquatinted to your preferences.."
Confused, she just shook her head. With that Lady Martha closed the door behind her, William immediately ran to the side of her bed, holding the palm of her hand. He immediately kissed it multiple times, a clear white smile on his face. He did not care for the scars that were clear on her skin from all atrocious hard work she had to carry out all these years. The blisters and sores that indicated how hard she worked daily. He kissed her hand with warmth. Panashe has gotten so used to them that the pain was ignorable. His ocean blue eyes glistening, she had always found it alluring but she did not want to grow any affection towards him.
"This is a new start for you? How does it feel? Overwhelming, I presume."
"Is it true?" She finally asked sitting up.
"Yes love, I read it myself. You're your own person now. A free woman!"
"A free woman?" She muttered still registering it, still trying to get the gist of it. Her eyes immediately started watering, William could only hold her and comfort her. It was all too much for her, she imagined now being able to raise her son and be there for him like the mother she should have always been. She spent more time working than being with her son. He was well acquainted to his grandpa because they spent so much time together. Panashe imagined how much everything was about to change. William held her tight and said... "If you continue, you will have a headache. Please do not cry, I feel a little under the weather as well. I'm genuinely happy for you."
"You deserve this and I will never allow anyone not even people from the commune to make you feel bad for having been granted your freedom, furthermore not even your mother."
"I can not belie-ve that t-this is h-happening to me." She muttered softly as William wiped each tear away from her cheeks with his thumb.
"I will give you some space and time to think alright?"
"You can not leave me alone, I have to leave?!" She protested.
"Mother requested they bring your necessities until we're able to buy you au courant, as she calls it." He chuckled.
"But—"
"Everything will be alright, Panashe. You have not been able to just rest for a few in the past and I need you to do that right now. Christian already idled away with Liam after he apologized."
"What did you say to Liam?"
"I lay open that he would always be my son and nothing would change the way I feel about him. Regardless of circumstances that I'd always be here whenever he needed me and that Christian did not pose as a threat as I feel differently for them but nevertheless the same because they're both my children."
"Thank you..." she said with a sigh.
"Do not thank me, I suppose it's my duty as well... as Christian's father."
She remained quiet.
"I will sleep in the guest room, no need to be weary..." He added. Looking around, she realized this was his room. A part of her felt as if she did not deserve this, she did not deserve to be here surrounded by all the extravagant luxuries and the gilded moneyed allot. Who sometimes bathed in milk for whatever reason because they could, who walked about wearing clothing, jewelry and accessories that could have built the commune proper homes. Who took two bites from anything before asking it to be thrown away? Who had starters, main course and so many more...
"I am afraid." She added as he was about to leave. "Everyone already hates me as it is... they will assume, the worst of me. That maybe I was out and about with your father. They always assumed that Christian was your father's child. I do not think, I can not bare handle anymore rumors being thrown my way..."
"They can assume what they want. Let them assume, you're a brilliant woman who deserves this and if anyone has some time to spare and make a banter off you then they're delirious and serve no purpose for their life than to spout about others."
"It is not that easy!"
"Forget them, I do not know what you plan on doing after this but I request your forget their pointless talks. You're far more special. You will soon be more overwhelmed, with people from the paper and what not bothering you because you my darling have become the first black woman to ever been given her freedom. I understand it has always been black men who were granted their freedom for so many reasons that they're able and supposedly they serve better purposes than the stereotypical women but you're the first woman in Britain, Europe and I can't stress enough about the west, America has it the worst!"
Panashe had not known this at all. She was baffled. "You get to give everyone an example that a free black woman can do just as much as a free black man... I believe in you."
"I loathe the thoughts of politics..." She added.
"You have a story to tell and inspire others, it's just what they need a glimmer of hope. You serve a good purpose. I know slavery is nearing and I'd really love if it came to a dead stop."
"Are you alright?" He quickly said.
"I do not know where to start..."
With that William came close and gave her a somber kiss on her forehead and whispered.. "You can start by resting."