Chapter 67: Called it pillowtalk.
"She hates him so much." William told Panashe as she massaged his tense shoulders in the comfort of their privacy after a long day. Shirtless, William closed his eyes enjoying her soft touch and how good it felt.
"I hated you too." She replied.
"Not to the point of spitting in my face. I reckon Austin has not been the least gentle with her. He once found her with her supposed lover and dragged to the stable to give her a beating. If I'm not mistaken, he informed me of taking advantage of her, while her lover watched. I do not think we should take her words lightly."
"Do you gather he likes her?"
"Without a doubt. I presume he is in denial. Austin has never been this maniacal..." William chuckled. "He constantly talks about her whenever we meet. Mostly all about how much he exceedingly loathes her. He claims he loathes her but goes out of his way to constantly be at her back making her and the supposed lover miserable."
"All this makes my head hurt..." Panashe replied. William smiled then brought her to straddle him. Her very thin nightwear was not helping. His common sense was drifting. Panashe could tell exactly what she was straddling and seemingly like it. "Austin thinks you can maybe... have a word with her?"
"I could not!" Panashe came to a halt. "What am I supposed to advise her? To leave her lover, supposedly she loves this young man. Am I supposed to encourage her to suddenly find Austin appealing after everything he has done?"
"You make great points my love but there is a child on the way and she is capable of harming the innocent child if not supervised. The girl has so much rage."
Panashe sighed before she could speak, Christian then barged in without knocking. He seemed a bit flustered seeing the position that Bloody William and his mother were in. Panashe was quick to get off and head far from William's lap.
"Sweetie, I thought it was bedtime?"
"I—" Christian found himself stuttering. He wondered why Bloody William was shirtless in his mother's presence. "Mom... why is he sleeping in your room?" Christian asked slowly.
Panashe panicked. "No, he is not!" William had, had enough of this back and forth. Panashe always backed away when confronted with what she needed to inform their son.
"Why is he bare?"
"Christian come here?" William called him. Their relationship had been much better over the time that had passed. Christian then put his much smaller hand in Williams hand. Panashe could only anticipate what would happen next, hopefully it would not be a negative response. Her son meant everything to her and what he thought, meant just as much.
"Let's all sit on the bed then we can tell you a story?"
Christian looked at him suspiciously but nevertheless jumped on the bed, just a few bounces before he fell in his back. He loved how much bigger this bed was. William then called Panashe to join them which she hesitantly did.
"I love stories." Christian said with a grin.
"I hope you love this one!" Panashe added.
"See Christian, there are black people and white people... people of different races and color. Unfortunately we live in a place where some are considered better and much more earnest than others. Some own others, it is just really unfortunate. It is a matter of race and wealthy in this instance." William explained but the boy only seemed even more confused.
"I do not like this story!" He said quickly, William and Panashe looked at each noticing the inside joke intended. Panashe had always known that Christian had gained his sarcastic, funny attitude from William. Did William get it from his father? Christian had learnt it all from his grandfather. William's presence had made him forget the void whenever he missed his grandpa.
"Life is not fair for black people..."
"What did they do?" Christian asked innocently. His two bottom front teeth were missing. It made him even more of a child than he was. Christian was unblemished to this evil chaotic world. For a second Panashe thought about a question that bothered her in her teens and while growing up.
'What did we do?'
'What did we do?'
'What did we do to deserve this?'
"I do not know Christian but that is what I was born into and I know that it is wrong."
"So you like my mother but because she is black you can not be together?"
"How did you know that?" Panashe asked a little surprised.
"Liam told me." Christian replies shyly. "He said black people are filthy and therefore they're not allowed to be with the pure white people."
"Did he say anything else?" Panashe asked distastefully But William gave her hand a light squeeze.
"He said my father is white, that's why grandpa was white and that is why we do not live in the dump anymore." Panashe knee that his son did not know such words but here he was spitting profanities that he had learnt from Liam. Panashe did not want to seem crude but maybe just maybe, she would not allow her son to be around Liam anymore. He happened to be very poisonous.
"How do you feel about your father being white..." William asked him. For a moment Christian looked at William. He did not speak as he noticed, the same ocean blue eyes that resembled his. Christian deep down had came to a conclusion, he continued to eye William.
"I do not care, I just want a father." Christian replied. "To play with then I can draw him when I draw my family."
"William is your father, Christian." Panashe said, out with the truth she thought. For a moment the boy seemed puzzled and unmoving. Panashe's eyes threatened to water, she was afraid. For years, she always knew this was something she would have to do and now she had done it. Panashe was afraid of her son's reaction of what his grandpa had told him. He only looked at William weirdly but there was some admiration as he looked at William.
"Everyone was right? Even grandma Doris..." Christian replied with a huff. Panashe had not thought of her mother in a very long while. She avoided her at all costs, knowing that one day they would have to confront each but not yet. She not ready for that.
"I did not mean to leave, so much happened that I will only be able to explain when you're older. I love you Christian and I gather, it would really mean the world to me... if you forgave me for being an imbecile on the most part but I'm here, here for you."
"Is that why everyone does not like us mommy?" Christian said breaking into tears.
"Not everyone..." Panashe said wiping his tears, she felt her own tears threatening to water. It was as if being reminded of the past that she had wanted to forget.
"So what am I?" He questioned.
"You were made from nothing but love. You were not a mistake. Your father and I love you and we will never stop."
"But what am I?" Christian asked again.
Panashe turned to William and whispered... "I really do not like labeling him to a specific group. That isn't how I want us to raise him."
"But he wants to know?"
"As soon as he knows, he will only put himself in the categorized box and feel as if he can only do as much as that word describes or as much as the law allows him to." Panashe sighed. "I want him to be confident that he can do anything regardless.."
"Alright." William added.
"You're special, nothing but special and that's all that matters."
"So when a black person and a white person get a baby, it's called special?"
Panashe and William looked at each other and burst out laughing. Inwardly agreeing that they would not tell him that he is 'colored or mixed race' they would only tell him he was special.
"I'm special." Christian said trying it out.
"I'm black." Panashe said proudly.
"I'm white." William added.
"I'm special, I'm really special. I always wanted to know what I was... now I can finally tell people what I am." He said excitedly. Perhaps, Christian finding his father was not for him to form hate towards the man. It was only so he could figure out what he was. Figure out his roots and the identity crisis he had been having. He wanted to feel like he belonged somewhere, neither with the Caucasians or the dark skinned.
"I'm not an albino, I'm special."
"Yes, you're very special!"
"I have two more questions?" Christian grinned.
"Ask away.." William added playfully ruffling his curly hair.
"If you're my father, does that make Addie and Liam my brother and sister?"
"Uhm, Will you should answer that!"
"Well, I suppose so." William replied not knowing what to say. Right now was not the time considering Christian was only nearing seven. He would not understand but as he grew older he definitely would.
"The second one?" Panashe added.
Christian only grinned. "Can I call you father... like Liam?" For some odd reason, Christian envied Liam and Addie. This was something he had always wanted. The simple word meant so much to him. As a child his anger was quickly put away and replaced by the need and want of wanting a father. Instead of hating William, he was glad he had found his father. He was more engrossed with the thought of having a father than being blatantly angered. What made him much happier is how his William looked at his mother, for the first time, he could finally have a family. His mother's happiness mattered to him as well. William blinked away a few somber tears, for months on end, he had yearned for Christian to know and now he did and it felt like the most amazing feeling there is.
"Ofcourse."
"Last question?" Christian gave them a toothless grin. He was adorable.
"Can I sleep here..." He whispered the last part lowly.
"Yes, you can sweetie." Panashe said giving him a hug. As much as she wanted to be alone with William, there would always be time for that. Now it would just be her and the two special men in her life. William only felt as if he had his whole world right in front of his eyes. A feeling he had not felt in a long time contentment.