‘A new human!’
The slime wasn’t just happy to pass by in a carriage—it was delighted to see a new human up close.
It understood from knowledge that not all humans were the same, but it couldn’t hide its excitement at seeing one nearby after such a long time.
Meanwhile, as the bandits stared at the slime with puzzled looks, the chat window lit up.
▶Who are these humans again?
▶ They look filthy.
▶loll
▶I know this one. They’re bandits.
▶Wait a sec! What’s a bandit? A bandit is a human who gangs up with others and steals food or money used to buy food from other humans!
▶It’s been a while, Explanation Guy.
After watching the mansion stream for a month, some viewers started pretending to know things about human culture.
[Just Slam First]▶ Oh! So it’s a human you’re allowed to slam?
▶ Dude?
▶ A mated wolf-obsessed viewer proclaims human slamming.
[Just Slam First] ▶That’s not what I meant!
▶Are your preferences twisted from getting nagged all the time?
▶Ah! HumanX!
[Just Slam First]▶ I said it’s not like that!
As usual, viewers exchanged teasing messages at each other’s expense.
There were four bandits in total.
One was a burly man with a beard, called "Boss."
There was a short man wearing a headscarf.
Another was a big-bellied man.
And lastly, a tall and skinny man.
The bearded man, called Boss, stroked his chin as he looked at the slime.
‘It’s rare to see such a calm slime. If we’re lucky, it might sell for a good price.’
Despite several people around, the slime didn’t flee but simply stood there, staring.
There were eccentric types in the world who enjoyed collecting monsters.
And those oddballs tended to spend generously.
“Let’s just take it with us. Def, pick it up.”
“Won’t it bite, Boss?”
As the big-bellied man, Def, crouched down and cautiously eyed the slime, the short man giggled.
“You idiot! Slimes don’t have teeth! They don’t bite!”
“Oh, right.”
Def picked up the slime with both hands.
It had been a long time since it felt human hands.
Compared to Jessie's, they were larger and softer due to the flesh.
Brrr!
The slime trembled from the warmth of a human hand it hadn’t felt in a while.
“Whoa!”
Startled by the vibration in his hands, Def dropped the slime.
Boing!
The slime landed perfectly on the short man’s head.
“Wah! What the heck?!”
Startled by the sudden soft sensation on his head, the short man screamed.
“Pfft! Slime on Skol’s head! Pfft! Heehee!”
The tall man covered his mouth, stifling laughter.
“Def! Hold it properly! And Hawane! Are you laughing right now?!”
The bearded man called Boss sighed as he looked at the three of them.
“Quit messing around and grab the slime already.”
“Are we heading back, Boss?”
“If no one comes by this late, it’s a bust.”
“Def! I told you to pick it up again!”
“Alright…”
The big guy, Def, picked up the slime again, and the bandits headed back to their hideout.
***
As the bandits made their way back to their hideout, the slime was enjoying a new game.
‘Def! Fat! Timid!]’
It was playing a matching game by observing humans and guessing their traits.
‘Skol! Small! Irritable!’
From the books it had been read, life in the mansion, and all the people it had seen while moving through the domain, the slime had come to enjoy this name-and-trait matching game.
‘Hawane! Tall! Creepy!’
Even reviewing its newly learned knowledge brought it joy.
‘Boss! Don’t know his name! Gives lots of orders!’
“B-Boss. This slime keeps trembling?”
“So what? It’s not like the slime’s absorbing your hand, is it?”
“No, sir.”
“Then keep holding it.”
“Yes, sir…”
The bandits’ hideout was a tent in the forest.
‘Nest’
Far shabbier and unimpressive than the elf village or the mansion, but the slime understood that the tent was the bandits’ nest.
▶This junk… is a human nest?
▶LOL it’s enough if you can eat and sleep Lol
Seriously, is this for real compared to the campers and humans we’ve seen?
▶I feel my chest swelling.
▶A bit pathetic, isn’t it? loll
Once at the hideout, the bandits dropped their swords and sat down in their respective spots.
“Click, I thought we’d catch someone today.”
“Some days are like this…”
“Pfft, like what. It’s been two days since we saw anyone.”
“What’s so funny about striking out, Hawane?”
“Ah, no. Sorry, Boss.”
The bandits made their living by blocking roads and threatening merchants for tolls.
They would wait near the road and stop passing carriages if they looked easy, or run away immediately if there was a strong guard.
When they successfully pulled off this ‘toll collection,’ which was basically robbery, they would sneak into a village to trade the loot on the black market.
The man called Boss clicked his tongue as he looked at his worn-out sword.
“If only we had some prey soon, I could repair this.”
“Boss, can’t we just go back to being adventurers?”
Def asked cautiously, but Skol shot up and smacked his arm.
Smack!
“Ow!”
“You idiot! How many times do I have to tell you? We’re wanted men! How can we be adventurers? Did you already forget it was because Boss punched a noble in the face?”
“Pfft, just thinking about that noble’s face still cracks me up.”
“Both of you, shut it.”
The boss sighed once more at the clueless remarks about his past mistakes.
“Skol.”
“Yes, Boss!”
“What food do we have left?”
“Only a few fruits! We need to hunt!”
“I see.”
The man stood up.
If they did nothing, his dumb underlings would just keep getting on his nerves with their talk, so he figured gathering some food for dinner would be less stressful.
“Hawane, grab your bow and come with me.”
“Fufu. Yes, Boss.”
The man and Hawane left to gather food, leaving Skol, Def, and the slime behind at the hideout.
“I hope Boss and Hawane come back with a deer...”
Def voiced his hope while absentmindedly squishing the slime.
“Def! What do you think you’re doing?”
“Huh? I’m just waiting for Boss and Hawane.”
“Not that, you idiot! Why are you still holding the slime?”
Bored from having nothing to do and tired of waiting, Skol began his usual habit of picking a fight.
“This slime… it feels nice to touch, I guess... so soft?”
‘Soft!’
Back at the mansion, Nina and Jessie often said the word "soft," so the slime understood it as a compliment.
“Oh, it’s trembling. Do you think it likes being called soft?”
“How should I know?!”
“Wanna touch it too, Skol? It’s really soft.”
“Soft, my foot!”
Skol snatched the slime from Def’s hands as if to punish it.
“What’s so soft about this stupid slime, huh?”
Skol, acting out of spite, didn’t squish it gently—he pressed down on it from both sides with both hands.
Boing boing boing!
“This slime isn’t... I mean, why is it so springy?”
Even as Skol pressed it from both sides, the slime immediately returned to its original shape with its natural elasticity.
“S-Stop it, Skol! What if the slime gets mad and attacks us?”
“Hah! What’s a slime gonna do if it attacks?!”
Even as he spoke, Skol didn’t stop pressing the slime repeatedly.
Of course, Skol’s small frame couldn’t hurt the slime even slightly.
Skol tossed the slime onto the ground as if discarding it.
“Hey, slime! Try attacking me! Go ahead!”
“S-Skol, what are you doing?!”
Skol didn’t believe the slime could understand him, let alone attack.
Even if it did, it would probably just charge with its body, which he thought he could easily dodge.
Meanwhile, the slime tilted its body, not understanding what Skol meant.
‘Attack?’
▶Does this human have a death wish?
▶Is this some new kind of suicide method?
▷Can I attack?
▶Lol Even Squishy seems confused Lol
▶Do as you please?
‘No, that wouldn’t be right.’
The manager of Squishy’s livestream channel, Troll, quickly stepped in.
The user with the nickname "Free Spirit" quickly typed in chat.
[Free Spirit]▶ Seriously, don’t attack for real.
[Free Spirit]▶ Just make it sting a little.
[Free Spirit]▶ Killing him would be a huge hassle.
Even Troll, who had been underestimated, couldn’t just tell Squishy to sit still.
But at Squishy’s current level of evolution, killing a human and becoming a subjugation target was extremely dangerous.
▷Just a little pain?
[Free Spirit]▶ Just go way softer than with the rabbit.
Still, Skol, who kept picking on the slime, needed to be taught a small lesson.
▷Okay!
▶He’s not killing him?
▶Wouldn’t it be better to just slice the human clean?
▶Lol Squishy is still too weak for that Lol
[Free Spirit]▶ Better safe than sorry ㅇㅇ
Since the slime was quiet while typing in chat, Skol assumed he was right and snickered.
“Ha! See, you fool! You think a slime’s gonna get mad? There’s no way a slime could be smart enough to get angry—”
Boing!
Thunk!
“Ugh!”
“S-Skol!”
The slime lightly bounced and tackled Skol in the ribs.
“Ahh! M-My side! Aaaagh...!”
Even though it couldn't kill a rabbit in one hit, the weight and precision of the blow made Skol clutch his ribs and tremble.
“S-See? The slime got mad.”
“Damn slime!”
Though it hurt, it wasn’t enough to stop Skol from getting back up and reaching for the slime.
However—
Boing!
Boing boing!
The slime bounced and dodged Skol’s hands with ease.
“Get over here! Stop running!”
Boing! Boing!
Skol reached out repeatedly, trying to catch it, but the slime dodged everything flawlessly.
▶Lol
▶Human can’t catch Squishy? Frustrated? Annoyed?
▶You think your human arms can catch Squishy? LOL
[Noblesse Fire]▶ Hahaha! You think that’s enough to catch Squishy?
▶Humiliation content, top-tier Lol
Boing! Boing!
After continuing to dodge, the slime jumped onto Def’s shoulder, then once more onto his head.
“Ah.”
“Hey! Def! Stay still!”
Skol reached out again for the slime on Def’s head.
But—
Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!
Each time Skol reached for the slime on Def’s head, it bounced in perfect rhythm to dodge.
“Ugh… Skol.”
“Shut up! Can’t you see I’m concentrating?!”
“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just kept your hand on my head?”
“......! I know that, idiot!”
As Skol reached out once more and the slime dodged, this time he didn’t pull his hand back and waited for the slime to land.
‘Hehehe! Just wait until I catch you!’
But there was no way the slime would get caught by Skol.
Boing!
The moment it touched his palm, it bounced off before he could even grasp it and landed on the floor.
[This is fun!]
Boing! Boing!
The slime enjoyed the game of chase.
But from Skol’s perspective, it just looked like the slime was mocking him endlessly.
“...Uwaaahhhh!”
Screaming in frustration, Skol lunged at the slime on the ground once again.
And thus began Skol’s meaningless chase—fun for the slime, exhausting for him.