CHAPTER 49. A SHADOW OF MYSELF
RYDER
It's been two days since Hara's disappearance. Two days of living in hell. Two days of wallowing in depression and misery. Two days of basking in sheer confusion.
It's the most unexplainable shit. No one knew anything. Like she just disappeared into thin air. I tried getting Jason to talk again, but he wouldn't. He just glares at me, gets aggressive, and goes mute. It's already been more than 48 hours but I still can't completely believe that Jason was a rogue.
Nothing made sense at all. And I'm fighting, dear Goddess, I'm fighting damn hard to keep my wits around. But it isn't easy.
The people still needed consolation from the flood and I always go out there to give that to them. I show up, maintain a poker face and do what an Alpha should do. The flood already hit Rackline so we helped those living there evacuate. Helped them settle down in new homes and compensated them for their loss.
But at night, I'm the shadow of myself. I stayed up all night, mourning my loss and questioning the Moon Goddess on why she was extremely hard on me.
Others find their mates the easy way and they live happily ever after. But in my case, it's different. I had to wait for twenty-seven years, only to see her but get separated from her again. I have to go through endless twists, pains, and obstacles. Just how much more do I have to endure this?
“Ryder,“ A deep voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Huh?” I looked up and glanced at all the faces staring back at me in anticipation. Right, I almost forgot. This was a roundtable meeting with the warlords. So far, I've been tuned out and barely heard a thing.
“What do you think of the plan? We sketched it out,“ Darius gestures at the sheet in front of me.
“Right. Uh…“ I looked at the sheet, but I wasn't sure what it was. I tuned out from the moment my butt touched this seat.
“You haven't been listening?“ Darius asked, creasing his brows.
“Yes, sorry about that. I just got too much on my mind lately,“ I sighed, rubbing at my temples.
“We understand,” Darius assured, flashing a small smile. “And I'm more than willing to explain everything from the top,“
“I'll appreciate that,“
“Alright. So we called you here because our men at the borders picked up a strong rogue stench. They trailed it and it was leading back to Silver pack. More investigations and we found out that Silver was once again, infiltrated by rogues. But the funny thing this time was that the rogues didn't take their usual route,”
”What do you mean by that?“
“Here,“ He pointed at the sketch. It was the landscape of this pack, stretching out to the border between this pack and Silver pack. “They usually take the border between Silver pack and the dark woods. But this time, they took the route leading them to our pack. We picked up their stench at the outskirts of the pack,”
My eyes shone at his words, “That was where Jason was headed. The outskirts!“
“Yes, Ryder. He never got there, but Hara's missing. We got every reason to believe the rogues intercepted Jason and he handed Hara to them.“
“Jason was far from the outskirts before you guys caught up with him. And you just said the stench of the rogues ended on the outskirts. How is it possible that they met and he got to hand her over?“
“Our guess is, they made it to Jason. But obfuscated their stench with one of their thousand elixirs so we couldn't pick it up. That should be it, there's no other explanation as to why Hara is missing. This is all the explanations we have,“
I wasn't sure if I should be thrilled or uneasy. After 48 hours, I finally got a lead on Hara's disappearance. But if the rogues do have her, then she is in the worst hands. Her fate would be tragic. They won't show her any mercy, and she could die from being in the same space with them for this long. She and her unborn child are both in danger.
“I suggest we go scour Silver pack, find out what we can about the latest infiltration,“ Giveon chirped in.
“Why should we just scour? It's been proven again and again that they are biased. I think what we should do is start a war with them, and massacre every one of them. They are as bad as the rogues,“ Jay interjected.
“No,“ I blurted out. “We will scour as Giveon suggested. No massacre. No one dies in Silver Pack. Do you understand?“ I stated flatly. They nodded.
Jay was right though. With how raged I was, carrying out a massacre was just what I'm itchy to do. But not Silver Pack. For some reason, Jason loved and defended that pack. If he was here in the meeting, he would have already defended them.
Even though I'm yet to know his bond to that pack, I still can't bring myself to go hurt them. One of the million ways I care about Jason. Why did it take me this long to realize I did care about him, much more than I let on?
“Alright. I'll dispatch the trainees immediately…“
”No, Giveon. We don't involve anyone in this. Not the trainees. Not the palace soldiers. And certainly not the pack warriors. We keep this as underground as we can. We do it ourselves, as this is a personal issue. We would have involved the whole world if Hara was officially my mate before her disappearance,“
“Sure. We understand. Let's get going,“ Jay stood to his feet and Giveon stood with him. ”Take care, Ryder.“
“Sure,“ I nodded, watching their retreating forms until they were out of sight. ”And Ciara?“ I asked, turning to Darius.
“Nothing. She hasn't stepped out of the hotel since she checked in. Your Father has been the only one visiting her. He sure has a tendre for her,”
”Nah, what Father feels towards her runs deeper than just a tendre. He's always preferred her, always loved her. Father hardly loves anyone, so she's damn lucky,“ I puffed, feeling drained again.
Darius nodded. ”Alright, Man. I should get going. You're good, right?“
“Yeah, Thanks, man.“ We jammed knuckles and he headed out too.
*
I spent all afternoon out on the balcony of my room, brooding over a glass of whiskey, staring bemusedly at the busy streets.
A knock came on my door and I didn't bother going over to it. But the approaching footsteps got me turning around. It was Jay.
“You have visitors waiting at the courtyard.“ He informed me. ”They said they have important information for you.“
I was gonna refuse to come down to meet them, but I changed my mind and followed him out.
In the passageway, Father intercepted us, forcing me to halt for a conversation.
“Make it quick, Father. I got visitors,“ I said dryly, unwilling to mince the hardness in my tone.
“Why do you beat yourself up so much over some random she-wolf? She's not worth the agony you're putting yourself through,“ Father started.
“Hara disappeared on my watch. And she's as good a person as anyone. I would be this worried if it was one of my warlords or any member of my pack,”
“Yeah, right.“ He snorted. ”Get your men off Ciara's back. Stop monitoring her like she's some criminal.“
“I can't help it, Father. Hara disappeared. We all know Ciara hated her. I'm just doing what's logical. And I hope Ciara has nothing to do with this, for your sake. Now if you'd excuse me–“
“When are you gonna get yourself a new Beta?” He cut me off. ”Your lousy Beta just proved how worthless he is. No wonder I never liked him,“
“Jason was a good Beta. You can never deny that fact. And don't you worry, I'll get myself a new Beta soon.“ I walked out, not wanting to continue the Jason-talk.
Jay led me out to the courtyard and as we got closer, my anticipation peaked. I couldn't help wondering who the visitors were.