CHAPTER 51. A TALK AND MORE
RYDER
Hailey had already cried her heart out before I ended my narration. I just told her everything, every bit of the incident that led to Hara's disappearance. The mob attack. Everything, but I left one crucial point out of it. I didn't mention that my Beta was the possible mastermind of Hara's disappearance. I couldn't bring myself to say it. It hurts like hell to admit it.
“Oh God, what would happen to Hara and her child? If the rogues do have her, I don't wanna imagine the misery they're gonna put her through,“ She wailed.
I wasn't in the right state of mind to console her. I was as broken as she was. The only difference was that I wasn't wailing like she was doing.
“Don't worry, Hailey. I'm gonna do everything I can to find Hara. You have my word,“ I said.
Her sobbing died down but she was still sniffing. She dabbed her tears with a handkerchief and her gaze held mine. “You– you really feel that she's your mate?“
“Yes, I do. Told you already. I'm madly attracted to her, like some magnetic pull. And when she's around me, I can't think right. All I wanna do is please her. Like I'm fucking down for her. If this isn't a mate-bond, I don't know what else is,“
She managed a smile in the middle of all the crying she was doing. “You seem so confident. And like I said, I hope it's true. I hope you find her and love her just the way she deserves to be loved,“
”I hope so too,“
We talked for a while and I went ahead to ask her more about herself. Turns out she works in a finance company. Single. Lives alone. Stays in the city where the humans are. Both her parents are dead. Got two sisters and a brother. She's the first child.
Pretty much clean.
My basic questions were nothing compared to the interrogation she put me through. She interrogated me so much that I almost lost my mind in answering her series of questions. Her motherly instinct over Hara had her on my neck, wanting to be sure I wasn't gonna end up like that sociopath, Roland.
I was tired of reassuring her that I would make a much better mate to Hara. She went as far as asking if I had a high sex drive. And if I was a sadist. She claimed Roland was, and would always inflict pain on Hara during their intimacy. That she wouldn't want me being that way with Hara.
I told her I was more of a dominant. But she still aligned it with being a sadist and I'm back to getting the lecture of my life.
When I heard Tiffany's voice closing up on us, I was quick to jump to my feet. It's about time!
”Oh, honey. I'm so sorry,“ Tiffany sobbed as she hugged me. I looked over her shoulder to Jay, and he was giving me a knowing look. ”Jay just told me everything. How are you holding up?”
“I'm trying. But honestly, it's fucking hard. Jason was–“ My words choked in my throat, and I just held her tighter, craving the warmth of her embrace.
“Yes, I know. And I'm sorry that he betrayed you this way. I'm sure there's a reason behind all this. Jason was a nice guy, there has to be something behind this,“
“You know, Tiff, just like you, I'm still giving him the benefit of a doubt. But it's slowly sinking in that he outrightly betrayed me and there's no mystery behind it.“
“Take it easy, dear. We'll figure it out,“ She sighed, and we broke the hug. ”No wonder you looked so dejected.“
“Can't help it,“ I gave her a small smile as she caressed my cheek with her hand.
“You'll be fine.“ She kissed my cheek again and gestured at Hailey to follow her. ”We'll get going, and please, try to shave. Your stubbles just poked my face,”
I muffled my chuckle and gave her a dramatic bow. “I will, Ma'am. Drive safely.”
She took all the good vibes with her and I was back to brooding. The day went by in a rush and when the night came, I was locked in my room.
The balcony has always been my favorite place and tuning out into the noises and distant jazz music, I didn't hear Darius walking in.
”Ryder,“ I glanced over my shoulder and turned to him.
“Any news yet?“ I asked expectantly.
He shook his head. Negative.
“Oh,“ My heart sank anew.
“You skipped dinner,“ he said.
“Yeah, no appetite. All I wanna do is drink and forget.“
“Ryder, c'mon. You can't be this hard on yourself,“
“Hara disappeared on my watch. Do you know how worthless that makes me feel? I couldn't keep her safe. She was supposed to be safer with me, but I failed in keeping her safe. Beating myself up this much is nothing compared to whatever misery she could be going through right now,“
“I can't say I understand how you feel, man. I don't have a mate yet. Never felt a bond with anyone. But I know we're gonna find her,“
”Yes, but will it be soon? She's going through hell, man. You know how dark the rogues are. I know we're gonna find her, but will she be alright when we do? That's my biggest fear,“
“I don't know what else to say, man. I just know we should have faith.“ Darius sighed.
It was the first I was showing him my broken side and he seems to be dealing with it quite alright. No judgment in his eyes. Just pity, the same pity that lingered in Tiffany's eyes. It sucks to be pitied.
But more than that, I was comfortable showing him this side of me. Never been comfortable showing this side of myself to anyone aside from Jason. Just maybe, he would be a better replacement for Jason.
“Well, I'll let you be. Just let me know if you need anything. Anything at all,“ Darius said, patting my arm.
“Thanks, bro. For everything. I owe you a lot,“
“Nah, don't even think about it. We're brothers, and we watch each other's back.“ He affirmed and we shared a bro-hug.
He turned to leave but I called him back, “Uh, dude, what would you say if I appoint you as my Beta?“
“I'll be honored.“ He smiled, gave a curt nod, and headed out.
I spent the rest of the nights convincing myself that appointing a new Beta was in order.
But why does it feel like I'm throwing away my bond with Jason? Why does this bond suddenly feel so important?
Why doesn't it feel right to appoint a new Beta, when Jason was a damned rogue? Why does this feel so right and yet so fucking wrong?!
Just why?!
Shards of guilt cut through my arching heart, leaving me more depressed than I was.
I slept throughout the night having that bothersome thought. I woke up at dawn to an alert from the warlords.
They found the hideout of the rogues who took Hara. Immediately, we headed to the place, fired up and ready to rescue my mate.