CHAPTER 55. LOVE OR LUST?
HARA
I hopped into the back of the car that had driven me down to the bar. Tears welled up in my eyes and coursed down my cheeks.
The driver had a confused look on his face as he watched me through the rearview mirror.
“Where to, ma'am?“ he asked in a formal, polite tone. He was one of the Alpha-Prince's chauffeurs and had opted to bring me here in one of the Alpha-Prince's cars when I dashed out of the building.
“Back to the palace,“ I sniffed back my tears. The ignition turned on and the car drove out of the curb of the bar.
Once again, I rued ever listening to Hailey and letting her convince me into coming here. If I had stayed back in the palace, I wouldn't be crying this much right now.
Everything that has happened to me recently has been overwhelming and threatening to drive me crazy.
First, it was Ciara's stunt with the media. Then I had to deal with an angry mob. And then Jason had come to pick me up. That was the last memory in my memory lane.
The next thing I remember was opening my eyes and realizing I was in the palace.
I had no memories of when I was in the rogues' hideout, or whatever torture they put me through. All I had were the pains from the loss of my child. I wasn't sure what they did to me, but I'd lost my child in the process.
It was hard to accept that fact. My life was forged from rocks of pain and I always accepted all the pains in good faith. But losing my child was just too much. There was no room to be comforted. It was an unacceptable loss.
That child was the only thing that bonded me to my mate, Roland. Leaving him didn't mean I wanted to completely sever my ties with him. The child was supposed to be my forever reminder that he once was in my life, and I did cherish him a lot. But now it's gone, and I'm all shades empty.
Grieving my loss has been exhausting and difficult. But then, there was the Alpha-Prince whose aura seeped through my cold heart, providing me a little warmth. And though, I didn't acknowledge it, I still craved it.
It's hard conflicting with your heart. Like, I wanna stand my ground and not give in to the strong pull that draws me to him. But my heart says otherwise. I find him attractive each day, and whenever his rich cologne infiltrates my nostrils, my insides go in flames.
Fighting not to give in to what my heart was feeling has been a worthless fight. I wake up each day yearning to see him and feel him close.
Hailey says it was fate, giving me a second chance to love. I do wanna agree with her, but each time I try to give in, I remember Roland, and I'm back to being indecisive.
But today, she'd come at me with a different approach, saying the Alpha-Prince was bored and needed a companion.
I did try to back out of it, reminding her I was still weak and didn't feel like stepping out. When in fact, I wasn't weak at all. I was just scared of how I always felt when I was in proximity to him.
I'd given into her persuasion and decided to come to keep him company. I wasn't a hundred percent convinced that it was the right choice. I feared what might happen when it's just us in space.
But nothing prepared me for what I just saw. He was with another woman, and they seemed pretty close. Like intimately close.
Oh Goddess, just why do I have to go through one disappointment to another? Haven't I suffered enough? Don't I deserve to be truly happy?
The car drove into the sparse compound of the palace and circled the water fountain situated in the middle of the compound.
It came to a halt next to the stairs and I alighted the car, running into the building.
I got to my room and immediately phoned Hailey. Yeah, was given a new phone by the Alpha-Prince. One of the thousand things he's done for me.
She picked on the second ring.
“Hey. How did it go?”
“Terrible,“ I sobbed, cuddling the pillows as I slumped on my bed. “Just as I feared, he isn't really into me,“
“What? Hara, what craziness are you spewing right now?“
“I'm serious, Hailey. I caught him with another woman.”
“You did what?” She scoffed. “Hara, drop the act. This is just you and your million excuses. Why is it so hard to accept the fact that Ryder does love you and would go to any length for you?”
“But why wouldn't he touch me?!“ I burst out, unable to keep it anymore. It was the main issue that had me uneasy about the whole thing. “If he is as crazy for me as you say, why doesn't he even try to touch me, or kiss me or whatever intimacy he can afford?“
“Hara–”
”Is that what you really want?“ His deep baritone knocked me off balance. I quickly ended the call, tossed the phone aside, and stood to my feet, hyperventilating as I stared blankly at him.
“Alpha-Prince–“
“Ryder,“ he added sharply, “And I ask again, is that what you really want?“
It was hard admitting it and I just lowered my head. “Where's your woman?” I was jealous. Had no right to be but I couldn't help it. This whole thing was beginning to turn me toxic.
“Tiffany is just my secretary and PA. And aside from that, we're good friends. I did have a thing with her but it ended already,“
I could feel the sincerity in his words and that eased me a great deal. Throwing caution in the wind, I answered his question. ”Yes, that's what I want,“
He was taken aback by my reply and he abruptly tugged me to himself by my waist. His firm hands went to my butt and he pressed me tightly to him, rubbing his swollen erection around my belly. I gasped at how huge he was.
“You feel that?” He husked, breathing down my face. “That's what you do to me. It's fucking hard trying to conceal it and giving you space and shit. I'm dying to fuck you hard, Queen. You got no idea. But I wanna do things right. The elders are yet to return and I don't wanna touch you until we're officially mated,“
“No. I don't mind. I just–I want this. I want you inside of me. More than I've ever wanted anything else,“ I was done hesitating and pushing him away and trying to deny what I feel, although I'm not sure if it's Love or Lust. Goddess knows I fought this as much as I could but he kept coming. And as Hailey says, I deserved to be happy. And it's no mystery that Ryder would make me happy. So yeah, Here goes nothing.
“You serious?“ His eyes lit and he cupped my face, lowering his lips dangerously close to mine. I nodded. “Just one condition though,“
“Anything, just fuck me,“ I was pleading as I fiddled with his buttons.
“If we fuck, that makes us a thing. Not officially mates, but a thing. That means I'm gonna wake up in the morning and demand another fuck session and you're not gonna deny me of it. This isn't gonna be a one-time fuck. You let me inside you today, I'm always gonna have access to you. Do you understand?“
”Yes,” I nodded frantically, already unbuttoning his shirt. I couldn't put this off any longer. My pussy was already dripping wet. I crave him inside of me now. “Fuck me.“