Once abused. Now loved.
CHAPTER 59. MY UNDOING
RYDER
“What did you just say?“ She asked, downright startled by my confession.
I shut my eyes briefly, digging up all the courage I needed to repeat what I'd just said. I never believed there would come a time that I would be this scared, and worse, because of a woman. She sure was my undoing.
“Ryder…“ She tugged at my arms and my eyes fluttered open. “What did you just say?“
I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. Trust me, I thought it would be easy to admit the things that I've been doing. But right now, seeing the look of consternation on her face made it harder for me to say the words she was itchy to hear.
“I..uh…I tapped into your mind,“ It was damn hard repeating the words, but I did. I waited for her response but I got none. I was staring at her thighs, not particularly but I was just looking anywhere else that'll keep me from looking into her eyes.
“Is this the first time you're doing it or have you been tapping into my mind all this time?” She asked, her tone was stern and had a wave of arousing anger in it.
My lips went dry and I had to lick them up before answering her question.
“Only when I'm fucking frustrated and desperate,“
Her brows creased and she gawked at me. The white of her eyes shone brighter and I could see the anger brewing inside of them. “Do I make you frustrated?“
“What? No, of course not,“ I quickly defended my wrong choice of words. “I get frustrated when you shut me out, but that's not on you, okay? It's on me. I shouldn't feel frustrated. I mean, you have every right to shut me out. I should have just been patient, “
God, when did I turn into such a simp? Ready to take the blame for everything so she doesn't get mad at me. What a lovestruck teenager I became!
”Why would you even tap into someone's mind without their consent? That's a violation of privacy,” She said.
“I know. Believe me, Queen, I know what I was doing was too damn wrong and low of me. But I had no choice. Ever since you showed up, I've been fucked up. I did a lot of messy stuff because of my feelings for you. Hell, I even ran over an inebriated man and shut down the third floor in the bar for you. I've done a lot of crazy things since you showed up, and I don't have any excuse, except that I'm madly in love with you and it's driving me nuts,“
I finally ended my rambling in a nervous state. My heart was thumping ferociously and it was all because of my fear. My fear of getting her upset. I hope she understands that I didn't mean to turn into a crazy man. I'm just driven by my attraction and love for her. She's quiet and it's making me even more nervous. Her face betrayed no emotions and I would have tapped into her mind if I wasn't getting punished for it right now.
”What else have you done without my consent?” She finally asked.
”Do I really need to answer that?” I asked her in return. It feels as if I'm on the verge of crucifixion by her questions.
”Yes,“ She nodded her head firmly, ”If you don't answer me, then I'm gonna leave,“
“What? No, please don't. Fine, I'll answer,“ I sighed. She sure knows how to get to me. Blackmail. Emotional manipulation. She was doing it all. I felt like a puppet, and she, my puppeteer, pulled my strings as she wished.
“Go ahead,“ She huffed, folding her arms around her chest. Her boobs slightly lifted, making her erect nipples rather obvious.
I gulped hard at the sight of it and quickly drifted my gaze to her face. If I stare longer at her nipples, I'm gonna end up doing something I'll have to apologize for later.
“I took a peek at you in the shower. I ogle at your naked body and gulp in hunger when the water from the shower cascades down your body,“
Now, she was more shocked than ever, staring at me like she'd seen a ghost.
”Before you call me a perv, do know that I get real stubborn boners and I jerk off a little too often. But I need a sexual trigger for it to work and trust me, you're the only thing that triggers me that way. The only woman who sets my insides on fire,”
Her cheeks flushed and she lowered her head shyly, “Am I?” She asked in a bit seductive whisper, tugging a hand of her hair behind her ear.
“Yes, you are,” I said firmly, feeling relieved that she was more flushed than angry by my words.
“Anything else?“
“Nah, just that,“ I said. An awkward silence arose between us but I broke it, “I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to go as hard as I did,“ I apologized again.
“You're a dominant,“ She stated.
“Yes, not a sadist. That's why I feel awful for causing you pain, instead of pleasure,”
”Nah, I enjoyed it. I just thought I didn't give you as much as your past flings did,”
“You did. You're more than enough for me, Queen. Never doubt that for a second, ”I assured her and she nodded. ”All we got to do is talk about it. Tell me what you're cool with and what you're not cool with during a fuck session,“
”I loved everything you did, except how you ripped my bra. It was my favorite,”
“I'm sorry. First thing tomorrow, I'll have it replaced. I'm really sorry,“
She smiled and wrapped her hands around my neck, “I missed you,“ She said in a flirtatious tone, bringing her face very close to mine.
”Not as much as I did, you weren't speaking to me. I thought I was gonna die,“ I mused, adjusting in between her legs, lifting the hem of her gown, folding it up to her waist, and leaning to kiss her lips.