CHAPTER 75. SO EASY TO BETRAY ME
RYDER
Time went still. Our breathing slowed. Distant chattering faded into thin air. My heart banged hard against my chest. I tucked my sweaty hands into my pockets. I could feel the low whimper of my wolf as he slid to the back of my mind. Hara's outburst just spiraled me and everything else around us off balance.
”Wh-What did you just say?“ I asked in a weak stutter. But dear Goddess, I heard her loud and clear. I just wished she would be a little bit considerate of my bleeding heart and not repeat what she just said.
But she did, she repeated it, more firmly this time.
“What if I wanna leave, Ryder?“ She asked, “What if I'm suffocating here and I want nothing more but to be free from you?”
“You really wanna leave?” Tears intercepted the free flow of my words, and they made their way down my cheeks. But she didn't seem to care.
”Maybe,“
”Was that why you defended him back there? To show me just how much you still love him?”
”I just didn't want you to kill him…”
”Because you're considering going back to him?“
”I don't know, I just don't want him dead…”
”You don't know what you want,” I stated.
“Maybe, but I do know that staying here with you has been suffocating,“
“How?” I asked in a broken tone, “Hara, all I've ever shown you is love…”
”That's my point. You've been so loving that I'm scared of being honest with you. I'm scared my honesty is gonna hurt you, so I keep everything I feel bottled up. And it's suffocating me…”
”Then say it all. Tell me the truth. What is it you really want?” I walked closer to her, but my body shook from fear of what she might say. Right now, I was at her mercy and she was giving me repeated stabs with her words. And she doesn't seem to care at all.
”I need to be away from you…“
”You wanna go back to him?”
”I don't know yet…“
”The fuck you don't!“ I retorted, “You fucking gotta make up your mind, Queen. You can't keep fooling around and messing with my head. I need a straight answer and I need it now. You wanna go back to him or not?“
Tears rolled down her eyes but they didn't stop her from saying more hurtful words.
“Yes, I want to,“ She shut her eyes tightly as she admitted how she truly felt.
I staggered back, feeling weak and perplexed. ”What about my love for you? What happens to it?“
She sobbed deeply but didn't give me a reply.
“I sacrificed so much already, Hara. I was willing to give it all up for you. How could you easily toss my love aside like it's worth nothing?“
“Roland is my mate…”
“An abusive mate!“ My anger hit the roof, and she jerked backward, downright frightened.
The fear in her eyes got rid of my anger and I was back to being soft, “I'll do anything to keep you happy, but letting you go isn't an option. I don't wanna know what it's like when you're gone,“
“You have to let me go. I'm not your mate and I can never be. Get rid of that illusion…”
“What I feel for you it's not an illusion, Queen. It's real. How can you not feel it?“ I rubbed at my chest as it was feeling too heavy.
“Please, just let me go. Roland is my mate…“
“I'll do whatever you want. Just please, please Hara. Don't leave me,“ it was pathetic of me to beg her this way but I have to do whatever it's gonna take to change her mind. My life depended on it. My happiness depended on it.
“I'm sorry…“ She sobbed, lowering into her bed and turning her head in the other direction.
At this point, I doubt there was anything I could say to change her mind. It was hard to accept my defeat, but I had to. She's never changing her mind. She's never gonna love me like I wanted her to.
”Get some rest,” I muttered and headed out of her room.
I left the palace, heading to my nightclub. I needed to get wasted, that's the only way I can be distracted from my pain.
The VIP lounge was prepared upon my arrival and I unwinded there till midnight. By the time my warlords arrived to come pick me up, I was already on my twentieth bottle. For a human, it was impossible to drink this much and still have a bit of consciousness left. But werewolves got better stability to withhold alcohol. It takes a whole lot of drinking to knock us off consciousness.
”Hey, man,” Darius tapped my back, sitting next to me on my couch. Jay and Giveon sat on the other couches.
I was gonna pour myself another drink but the bottle got snatched away from me. I let out a loud howl, reaching for my bottle.
“Ryder, please. That's enough,” Darius said, tossing the bottle to Jay.
”Give me back my bottle, right now!” I wasn't sure if it was me talking, or the alcohol but I didn't care. I need my bottle.
“Ryder, please. You gotta quit this now. And who's all these for, Hara? C'mon man, she's not worth it,”
”Watch it,“ I hissed at Darius, hating just how disdainfully he was talking about Hara.
“I don't care if this upsets you, man, but someone gotta call you out on your shit. Getting wasted over a girl who doesn't appreciate all your efforts, that's stupid. You gotta snap out of it, and see the truth,”
“And what stupid truth is that?” I slurred, still stretching my hand for my bottle.
“That Hara is an ungrateful wretch and you should let her go!”
“Fucking watch it!” I lost my cool, pouncing on Darius, ready to claw his heart out. But the other guys stopped me, tossing me away from him. I fell to the floor, and my eyes twirled briefly, making my vision unsteady.
“Jesus Christ, Ryder! What the hell?!” Jay scoffed unbelievably as they helped Darius to his feet.
“Were you really gonna kill your Beta over some strange girl?” Giveon snorted, obviously pissed. “You've lost it, man,”
“I'm not just your Beta, I'm also your best buddy!” Darius yelled, “Now all of a sudden, you're willing to kill me over some random girl? What happened to bros before hoes, dude?”
”I can't let her go…“ The words slid out of my mouth in a slur, I wasn't sure how it made sense saying it here and now. But it was the only thing my heart was screaming out. Every inch of me was screaming how impossible it was to let her go.
”Ryder, you have to. You gotta let Hara go. It's pointless keeping another man's mate. What happens to us if his pack strikes a war against us for it?“ Jay said.
“Yeah, he's right, man. Keeping Hara is a risk we can't afford to take. If her mate demands war, it'll look ugly on us. Hara might be amazing, but not enough reason to break a peace treaty that has gone on for years,”
”Ryder, you gotta get over this. Send Hara back to her mate. Save us from the impending doom her stay here will bring," Darius chirped in.
The floor was cozy and I was tempted to pass out there, but there was somewhere I needed to be. With much struggle, I stood to my feet and snatched my bottle away from Jay.
”If her stay here is gonna bring hell, then let's all burn together,“ I gave a wild belch, fighting off the alcohol from completely taking over me.
“Ryder, where are you going?”
“Don't follow me,“ I warned them sternly and staggered down the stairs.
I ran into the woods, shifting into my wolf form. In a few minutes, I was standing in front of the pack house. I shifted back to my human form and found my way into the house from the back.
They were having some kind of bonfire in front and I didn't want to disrupt that. Also, I was in a bad shape, it wouldn't be a good sight if they saw their Alpha this drunk.
I got into the house unseen and I headed to the secret room where Jason was being kept. There was no one in the room, no guards, no doctors, just him. He was covered up in thick clothing and he was unconscious, probably because he was continually sedated. The doctors don't wanna risk him being awake and infecting anyone. His skin was paler than the last time I visited. It made my heart ache anew.
I slumped on the seat next to his bed and sipped my drink in silence.
“You know, dude, if you were here, I'm sure you would have had my back on this. Just in the same way you had my back on everything. That's why I don't understand how you could have betrayed me. I don't get it, man…“
I took another sip, shutting my eyes to aid my tears rolling down faster. I was the only one talking, and I hated that. I wish he'll say something, in a night as painful as this one, I needed his encouraging words the most.
“I don't understand how it's so easy for y'all to toss aside my love and go ahead to hurt me. First, it was you, and now it's Hara. Who's gonna be next, Father?! I don't get it. Why is it so easy for all of you to betray me? Is it so hard to love me? Am I too much of a monster? Don't I deserve to be loved?!“
I took a chug of my drink and gave another loud belch.
“But you know, despite what you did, I still do love you, man. I can't help it. I miss you, Jason. It's been fucking lonely without you. I miss your goofiness, your Casanova ways, everything. And I'm more than willing to give you another chance. So please, fight that rogue blood in you. Get better, and come back to me, to us.“
The night was lonely and long, and I spent it on the chair next to him. It wasn't too much of a help but it made me sleep better.
When it was dawn, I left the pack house unnoticed again, took the woods in my wolf form, and returned to the palace.
I shifted back to my human form and walked into the gates. But the whole place was in turmoil. Everyone was in a frenzy. Even the pack warriors were here. They're never here, except in extremely important situations. I became agitated.
I spotted my warlords pacing back and forth and they ran to me when they finally sighted me.
“What the hell is going on?“ I demanded impatiently.
”Red Moon Pack wants to go to war with us. They want Hara back, or we go to war,“
“What?!“