As much as I can, I try to remove all those negative thoughts since the day I saw that man who looks exactly like my dad.
I know it may seem shocking. That's something I can't accept even if it turns out to be true.
I know my dad. He is such a loving guy to my mom, so I can't imagine him cheating on her. I always say that if he cheats on Mom, his karma will burden me.
When I woke up the next day, my brother was already here. I hugged him and kissed him on the cheeks. I love him so much! Like, he really enjoys spoiling me with anything and everything.
That's why many people envy me. Having such a kind, wonderful, and generous brother is such a blessing for me.
"How's my youngest sibling? The most beautiful sister I have," my brother teased right away.
I gave him a light pinch because there he goes with his teasing again. It has become his hobby.
"Claude!" I scolded him. I don't know what's with my brother, sometimes he enjoys teasing me out of nowhere.
"Haha, just kidding. I didn't wake you up last night because you were already asleep. Wait, do your eyes look swollen?" my brother asked, noticing my obvious swollen eyes.
"It's nothing, Claude. Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep, that's why."
I didn't want to tell him that I saw someone who looked like Dad at the mall yesterday, accompanied by another woman and a little boy. That would be something that might make them overthink. For now, I'll just put my faith in my Dad.
"Just make sure your boyfriend didn't hurt you," he said.
Like, what the hell? How did my personal life become part of this conversation?
"Claude, I do not have any boyfriend, I swear!" I exaggerated!
Because when it comes to this topic, everything changes. He will keep bugging me from time to time. My first boyfriend experienced hell from my brother and dad.
"But someone is pursuing you, right?" he asked.
I shouldn't underestimate his way of investigating my private life. I forgot that he's my brother.
"Claude! I am old enough for this, okay? I swear, I am still assessing him," I said.
"Still, you won't enter into a relationship without my permission." That's his usual characteristic.
I went to the back of the house to unwind. That's where I saw Alice acting strange.
She was holding a yellow flower. She was smiling like an idiot, as if there's something new going on. She was plucking the petals while chanting, "Yes, no, yes, no."
"What are you doing there? Are you casting a spell?" I asked her, which startled her, like she literally jumped when she heard me speaking from behind.
"Why are you scaring me like that?" she complained while clutching her chest.
"What are you chanting here? You're being weird, huh? Why? Do you have a new crush?" I teased her.
"Hey!" she said as if I figured out the whole story behind her weird actions. It couldn't be my brother this time!
"Seriously? You have a crush on my brother?" I laughed at her.
Though I can say I can't really blame Alice. My brother has the looks that anyone would find desirable and irresistible. My brother has this charm that my friend couldn't resist.
"Oh, come on, Alice. We've been together for a long time, so I know your moves like that. I honestly can't blame you if you're attracted to my brother. My brother is handsome. In fact, I've seen it before that finally, Andrew will have a substitute in your heart," I told her.
"Don't mention that asshole's name. It's not worth it that I had a crush on that person," she said, suddenly annoyed.
There are those kinds of situations, right? Sometimes or most of the time, our exes... ex-crushes, ex-boyfriends, when the affection we had for them is gone, it turns into disgust. You can't help but wonder why you even entertained them in the first place, right?
"Well, I think you and my brother are a good match," I said to her, and now she's smiling.
"Oh, really? Are the exes of your brother as good-looking as me?" she asked, sounding quite confident.
"Sorry, Alice, but my brother's exes were former international models," I told her. I don't want her to feel discouraged, but I also don't want to boost her with incorrect information, right?
"Oh, is that so?" she said, suddenly becoming super down. I know what she's feeling right now, and I think I know what I can do for her.
"All of my brother's exes, I've already met them. Yes, they're beautiful. But in terms of personality and quality as a person, you have the advantage. I think that's something my brother will love about you. Just trust me when I say that my brother will like you because he will," I assured her.
"I hope so! But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I just met your brother," she reasoned, which I understand.
My mom and Alice's parents are currently busy preparing our Christmas Eve dinner. We're mostly happy, but the real problem is that this will be the first Christmas without Dad.
There's still a part of me that continues to hope that Dad might come home now.
Mom was cooking pasta; it's already 7 p.m. on Christmas Eve. I was invited to attend the evening mass with my friends, my buddies. And it's still 11 p.m., so I'm just here in my kitchen, maybe I'll prepare later.
"Mom? Is Dad not coming home tomorrow? Christmas and New Year's are fast approaching," I asked Mom. She paused what she was doing, but quickly resumed.
"He can't make it. He is still busy doing his thing," Mom said.
"But Mom, Dad hasn't come home even once," I said.
"Ask your Dad if you want to. I told you he's busy."
I don't know, but the more Mom dismisses talking about Dad, the stronger my intuition becomes. I don't want to think about anything, but my suspicion is growing stronger.
"Okay, Mom."
I went up to my room and cried there. I am so frustrated because I don't know what I'll do if it turns out that Dad already has another family.
If that happens, I won't be able to forgive him. If he chooses to leave us, if he has already decided to cheat on my mom's marriage, it is unacceptable.
I started doing what I needed to do. Even though it's cold, I still chose to take a bath and get ready for the night.
But I don't know if God is testing me. It's already hard for me like this.
Together with Alice, Kyla, Christian, and Lance, we went to church. The sermon for tonight was so good. I admit I'm not the type of person who attends mass regularly. I am not devout or religious, but I still believe in God.
If everything is according to His plan, if everything is going according to His plan, I am glad to submit to it.
After that mass, we watched a fireworks display. I'm happy that I have someone with me now. My brother isn't here and he visited Claybourne; he'll only be able to come home tomorrow at noon. Same goes for Logan. He is on a business trip, but he made a promise to me. He said he'll be home for Christmas, just for me. Of course, I have faith in him.
"I wish you were here," I whispered to the air, looking up and watching everything happening in the sky.
After the fireworks display, I immediately went home with Alice. I still feel hesitant. I don't want to go home yet, knowing that I'm still thinking about Dad.
He tried calling me yesterday, but I didn't dare to answer his call. I thought that if he's not guilty, if he didn't do something wrong, he would be here spending Christmas with his family. But the more he avoids showing up, the more convinced I am about everything I saw that day.
I couldn't sleep right away, even though it's already 4 a.m. I'm still thinking about Dad; it still bothers me.
I don't know how I'll face the new year now, with this challenge we're facing, with what I'm feeling.
I was about to try to sleep, even for just a little bit, when my phone rang. I was about to ignore it, but then I saw that it was Logan.
So I managed to answer his call.
"You're not sleeping yet?" he asked. Obviously, since I managed to answer his call.
"I can't sleep."
When he told me he was outside our house, I quickly went out, not wanting to make any unnecessary calls that might wake up the people in the house.
"You should take a rest instead of coming here right away," I said to him while giving him a tight embrace.
Maybe he's tired from work, and he came here without resting first.
"I'm fine. I am happy to be with you; I feel like I've regained my strength," he replied, and I chuckled softly.
I wanted to tell him that he's being too cheesy, but I didn't say it. Instead, I kissed him and embraced him tightly.
We broke the kiss while smiling. I just love this guy. Given the weight of the problems I'm experiencing right now, the kind of problem that I can't even tell my friends about, my heart is just filled with it.
He makes me calm and sane. If he's not here, I don't know how I would handle myself and my feelings.
"Go to sleep, we have an early day tomorrow."
I nodded immediately. I know that my heart and mind are calm now. He made me feel safe and sound, so I think I can finally sleep peacefully and more soundly.
After he left, I was about to enter the house when someone gave me a heart attack.
"So that is your man?" my brother asked, as if he had been watching us with Logan all along.
"C-Claude? Have you been there the whole time?" I asked nervously.
"Enough to see everything with my own eyes. I want to meet that guy tomorrow."