My original plan was to ignore him completely. I would walk straight to my condo door, enter the password, and just let him be. Maybe he's waiting for someone or something, which is really none of my business.
And the audacity of him choosing a condo unit right in front of mine! How dare he. He probably never realized that every time I saw him in our business meetings, I was just tolerating him.
I've been trying not to feel what I felt before because I'm afraid of falling for him again, and it's painful to know that he won't catch me.
As I stood in front of my condo door, he approached me and hugged me from behind, leaving me breathless.
My heart raced as fast as ever. I wanted to cry and go wild. Why? Why did he have to come back? I just wanted to move forward.
I quickly pulled away from his embrace, scared of giving in again when I shouldn't.
"What are you doing?" I said irritably, wanting to start a fight with him, a fight that would make him never bother me again. But it seems like he's too drunk from what he's been drinking.
"Please, don't fall in love with somebody else," he pleaded, as if he wanted to kneel down and beg.
I'm confused. I don't want him to get hurt either because... because I can't handle it. I want to punch my heart and ask why I'm still affected like this.
But then I remember the day we were at the restaurant. I asked him how he and Rhaena Krystabella were doing, and he said they were just fine.
Then I realized that he could fall in love with someone else, as if I meant nothing to him. As if I were disposable, and he could just come back to me whenever he wanted.
But what about me? And how did he know? Was he following me and Riyu? He already lost his chance; he already lost me.
"What are you saying? You know what? Go back to Clayland! I'm finally at peace here, you know? I've moved forward, taken steps forward and not backward..." I couldn't stop my tears anymore. He brought too much pain to me.
He shook his head and knelt down... "You're the only one..."
And then he lost consciousness. I quickly approached him, and he was still breathing. It seemed like he passed out due to excessive drinking.
Then I noticed that his door was closed, and there was no one around. It felt like I had done something wrong because of everything that was happening.
"Logan, wake up," I said, but he just hummed. It was clear that he was wasted.
I'm not heartless to leave him outside. He was still wearing a bathrobe. Maybe someone else would take an interest in him.
So, I mustered all my energy and brought him inside my place, laying him on my spacious sofa. My arms hurt from pulling him to lie down. He's such a pain in the ass.
"You're still so drunk. You can't handle alcohol," I told him, even though he was asleep and snoring. He wouldn't escape my scolding.
I went into my room to take a shower and change into my pajamas. Once I was ready, I grabbed a basin and cloth to clean up the alcohol in the living room.
Well, at least I'm confident that he won't do anything bad to me. He shouldn't even think about it because I've also learned self-defense.
I wiped his body and face. Over the years, his physique seemed to have improved. He has a darker skin tone, but it suits him. He became even more manly because of his complexion.
He still has those thick eyelashes that I envy. Those kissable lips, his Adam's apple—everything about him.
You know, if only I could. But I won't win against Rhaena Krystabella, the original Krystal in his life. I built my walls for years to resist the temptation of going back to Clayland and taking Logan away from her.
I said I should start all over again. Even though it's hard, I've made it this far, and here he is. In an instant, the fences I built, the walls I created to protect my heart, were torn down.
I caressed his face, held it, and kissed his forehead. "Let me go, Logan. Let me be. Because you've moved on and found Rhaena Krystabella. Let me find the man meant for me too. Don't you think that's fair?"
I managed to hold back my tears for the second time. I covered him with a blanket so he could sleep properly. I went upstairs and slept in my penthouse.
The next morning when I woke up, I expected Logan to be awake as well. But to my surprise, he was in the kitchen, cooking. He was wearing nothing but his boxer briefs and my apron. The whole kitchen was filled with the smell of bacon and beef.
He was humming as if he were happy?
And what was there to be happy about? Shouldn't he be suffering from a headache? Why did he look like he didn't have a hangover?
"You're awake? Come, let's eat," he said with a huge smile on his lips.
I smiled sarcastically. Even though I wanted to genuinely smile, I restrained myself. No, I won't be weak now.
"You're awake? You shouldn't have bothered to cook. I'm not a big breakfast eater," I said to him, making excuses. Of course, I do eat breakfast.
He smiled, that smile evident in his eyes, showing that he was actually sad. "That's kind of cold," he commented on what I said.
What did he expect? That I would hug him too? I'm not foolish.
"Let's just eat, and then you can leave," I said, feeling the pain in my eyes that had sparkled with joy just a while ago.
But I have to endure it. I love him, but now I love myself more. We started eating, and you know what? This food tastes divine! I couldn't help but moan with pleasure!
"Do you like it?" Logan asked, now smiling.
"Yup, this is way better than I expected. You know, maybe your cooking improved after getting married," I commented, trying to sound nonchalant.
He frowned at what I said. Did I say something wrong?
"Married? I am not married, I'm very much single," he said to me, showing his ringless fingers.
Embarrassment and joy flooded my face. How crazy could I be?
"No? But you told me one day that you and Rhaena Krystabella were doing fine?" I asked him, hoping for an explanation.
"Well, things were okay between us. The exact same day you left Clayland, two days before, we were already separated. I shouldn't use the word 'separated.' We didn't have anything. Yes, I was confused, overwhelmed with emotions. I guess I hadn't seen her for a very long time, and it confused the hell out of me. But I realized she's not for me anymore. Someone else stole my heart.
"I searched for it for too long. And I can't let it slip away from me again."
You know that feeling when your soul separates from your body? That's exactly what I felt in that moment. It was euphoric. It felt confusing and lovely.
"Is that the reason? That's why you wanted to talk to me at the waterfalls that day? We swam, and you gave me those last messages," I asked him.
When he nodded, regret washed over me, and tears burst forth. He tried to hug me, but I didn't allow it. I felt ashamed and regretful.
"Please, leave me for now. I need some time to think..." I pleaded with him.
"I'll always be here. I'll wait for you to forgive me. I'll wait for things to go back to how they used to be, but I promise it'll only be you, no one else. I love you so much, Krystal," he said.
It's like I've been longing to hear those words from him for so long. I felt like a child who suddenly felt a sense of longing. He ended up leaving my place, and I was left breathing heavily.
After eating, I stared blankly at the dishes I used. I don't know why this had to happen now, when I decided to leave everything behind in the past and move forward from that suffocating experience.
I'm so confused, but my heart also knows what it wants. While my mind tells me that I should have learned a long time ago. Those what-ifs again...
What if the past repeats itself? What if he leaves me again? It might drive me insane...That's why I'm so scared to love because of him.
A week later, Logan constantly pursued me. I realized how much effort he put in. He said he would wait, no matter how long it takes. He didn't come to me immediately because he needed to be forgiven by Mom and my brother first. Imagine how thoughtful he is.
But at the same time, I'm also giving Riyu a chance. Logan knows about it... I told him that things are not clear yet, and it's still unlikely that we'll be together.
He's the one I loved for a long time. Who knows if I'm just confused and overwhelmed? So I told him that if he can't handle having someone else competing for my attention now, he can give up on me.
But I realized that I can't truly love Riyu. I see Riyu as a brother to me. He's fun to be with, but I can't see myself being with him. You know, he's not the one.
So I decided to confront him.
I just called him a few moments ago. I told him to meet me at the park.
The night was still cold, with snow gently falling from the sky. In this empty park, I chose to meet Riyu. I saw his car parked nearby. He got out of the car, holding flowers. I felt consumed by guilt, but I couldn't deceive him, and I couldn't deceive myself either.
"Krystal, I'm glad you called me. I was busy with my business affairs in Japan. I'm really sorry," he said. "Why are we here? Don't you want to go to a nearby restaurant? Let's grab something to eat?" he invited me.
"No, I don't want to prolong this," I said to him, gathering all the courage I had. I hope he understands. This is just temporary pain. After the pain, he'll feel better.