"Stop.."
I tried to think if he said it to me, but I don't remember.
"What are you talking about?"
I tried to stay calm while processing what he's saying.
"I told you but, you are drunk that time."
Hindi ko alam kung nagpapatawa ba siya. Hindi ko maisip na may plano siyang ganito. I thought he's just trying to make me stay or something.
Marrying isn't the problem. I know his role in my life. I've been there, trying to daydream about what will happen in the future. Pero hindi tulad ng ganito. Hindi ko inisip na ganto ang mangyayare sa pagitan naming dalawa. He was trying to save me but, he couldn't because I am starting to drown myself.
"Roge.." Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. Hindi ko alam para saan pa ito. He know what will happen to me but he tried to ignore it.
"Now you are rejecting me."
I want to hug him. Hindi siya tumitingin sa akin at halatang pinapalakas ang sarili.
"I know you'll reject me. It's fine."
Nasasaktan ako sa nakikita ko. Nagawa niya pang ngumiti habang paulit ulit na sinasabing okay lang iyon. This is not okay! I don't want to reject him. I don't want him to think that I never love him.
"I think the room service will come soon to collect the plates. Just rest here."
Bago niya pa kunin ang plato sa lamesa ay hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na yakapin siya. I hate crying and I even tried to close my eyes while hugging him tight.
"I told you, its oka-"
"Stop talking."
This is not the vacation I want. Ayokong paasahin siya pero sa tuwing ganito ang sitwasyon ay nakakalimutan ko kung sino ba ako. I want to escaped and live a life with him.
"I love you."
That's it.
This is my only chance to tell him how it's hard for me to choose now. I want to marry him now. I want to live with him. I want to choose him over this fucking thing. But, whenever I thought he would be involved, how I always thought how he got hurt, I couldn't choose him.
"You are only saying that-"
"I couldn't say it if someone's around. You know I am not sweet or cheesy as you always do. I am telling you this because I know you think I am not into you."
Buong tapang akong nagsalita habang nakayakap pa rin sa kaniya. Siya ang pahinga ko pero palagi ko siyang ipinagtutulakan palayo. Sa tuwing ginagawa ko iyon ay nasasaktan din ako. Hindi ko intensyon na lumayo sa kaniya pero sa tuwing nakikita ko ang peklat sa kamay niya ay sinisisi ko ang sarili ko. Nasasaktan ako dahil hindi ko inaasahang madadamay siya sa ginagawa ko.
"Hindi ka ba nangangalay?"
"No."
Ayoko ng umalis sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya. Kahit buong buhay ko nakayakap lang ako sa kaniya.
"I thought you're mad? You even skip the cup of the tea I prepared."
"You think so?"
This time I don't care if someone may be seeing us.
"Why? You're not? I even remembered you said you are jealous?"
"I can still remember what I said. I never said that I am jealous."
I can smell his perfume. Ilang saglit pa bago ako kumawala sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya. I look up at the sky before scanning his face.
"I will never get jealous of that freak woman. She even tried to talk to me while I am finding you yesterday," I said, then looked far on the sea.
"You talked to her?"
"She's not kind," seryosong sabi ko. Tumabi pa siya sa akin habang nagmamasid ako sa beach area.
"Do you know her?"
I needed to look at him as he tried to know about her. He is interested.
"I can also save you like how she saved you. Stop staring like that."
Huminga pa ako ng malalim bago muling tumingin sa kaniya.
"She's watching us. She knows what will happen and save you on purpose."
His forehead creased. I am now accepting a chance to talk about every he should know.
"She said that she's my long-lost sister."
Honestly, I don't care if he knows everything and the fact that I have a sister. While drinking on the bar, I tried to find evidence that she's not my sister but, while trying to process the thing I remembered when I was a kid, there is a big chance that she is my sister. She named herself "Game".
I know some about her. And I don't trust her.
"What?!"
Alam kong nabibigla siya sa sinasabi ko. I never tried to find things about what my father is doing while outside of the prison.
"She's my father's daughter. Well, I'm not surprised."
I am not proud but, I am expecting that thing. The dirty things reflect on him.
"There is a time when I was a kid, you know my both parents never tried to be calm when they saw each other. My mom knew. Pero hindi niya binalak ipaalam sa akin. I met her once but, I never expected that it was her."
I always thought the De Luna family ain't normal. Until now, I never tried to communicate with my father's parents. They knew I was mad. They even tried to visit Calvin and me never against that. They don't have another son to replace them.
"Is she your sister?! I mean, how come? I never know about that."
"That is because she's hiding. She's trying to do something and, she started it by playing with me."
Tuluyan ng naging seryoso ang tinig ko habang mabagal at paunti unti sinasabi ang mga totoo. If this is my last life, I would be at peace that I tell him everything. My mom is my life and, he is half of my life. And the other half is my brother.
"She's known for "Game". Madalas siyang sumusulpot sa tuwing may kaso akong ginagawa. Nag iiwan siya ng baraha hanggang sa hindi ko na napipigilan ang sarili ko para hanapin siya. That man in a sword is her partner."
I said everything I knew about her. The shooting incident and a bomb incident in the hospital is her doing. I am very sure of that because only one person I feel watching me.
"She kidnapped me for a second when we are still in Batanes."
Nanatili lamang siyang tahimik habang pinoproseso ang mga sinasabi ko.