/Samantha/
I gave a slight nod and willed myself not to break down and cry. I needed to be strong right now for Henry, so I couldn't allow myself come apart in front of him. "Alright, when will he be able to look at him?" I inquired while audibly clearing my throat. I was relieved that the numbness had returned at this point since I found that the emptiness was simpler to deal with than the grief. It was impossible for me to give in to the anguish and agony, and even if I could, I would not.
"He has already evaluated his injuries, and he believes that there is a possibility that he can reduce the damage and potentially make it so that he would be able to regain the feeling in his legs. He has already done this. The only problem is that the procedure is quite dangerous, the operation is extremely invasive, and Henry's body has already been subjected to a significant amount of harm. He said it with sadness, "It might make it worse, and it could even kill him."
I shut my eyes and pretended as though he had pronounced the "K" word; I couldn't even let myself consider the possibility that Henry would pass away, so I simply refused to accept its existence. He was my husband, and as such, he would never desert me in such a manner; he would never leave me to fend for myself.
"But it could get him walking again, right?" I spoke in a hushed whisper since I did not have confidence in my voice. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at the doctor with anticipation.
He indicated with a head that he agreed, saying, "Yes, it is the only chance he has of being able to walk again." If he does not have the surgery, he will be paralysed from the waist down; however, if he does have the procedure, there is a chance that he will regain feeling in his legs, which is approximately fifty percent.
Richard shook his head and added, "But you said he could die," as he tightened his grip on Linda's hair and she wailed more loudly. "But you said he could die," he asserted. His entire body was tense from stress, and I could see that he was doing the same thing that I was doing, which was clutching to the brink of the cliff in an effort to prevent himself from letting go and having a total nervous breakdown.
He gave me an embarrassed shrug while staring at me in the eyes. "It's difficult to say for sure, but Dr. Kirk advised that the sooner we start, the better." The likelihood of success decreases with the passage of each hour, and after a few days there is likely to be no possibility of success at all.
I nodded and swallowed my sadness. If there was nothing I could do, then I needed to go see Henry so that I could nag him to get up early. If there was nothing I could do, then I needed to go see Henry. My question was, "May I see him?" He indicated the direction of the halls with a nod and a gentle wave of his arm.
When I turned around to face Linda and Richard, who were now comforting one another while crying together, I felt a sensation of isolation wash over me once more. "I hope that you will be able to live with yourselves after what has happened. "I hope that this day sticks out in your mind as the day you could have done something about it," I stated emotionlessly as I turned and moved closer to the doctor.
"When you see how miserable Henry is, I hope that this day sticks out in your mind as the day you could have done something about it." I was able to hear Richard groan, and Linda began to cry in an uncontrollable manner once more; yet, I was unable to force myself to feel even the slightest bit sorry for either of them.
As I followed the doctor up the corridor after he had turned and proceeded in the opposite direction, I could feel my heart sinking with each step. I followed him inside the room cautiously when he pushed open the door to the room that was located on the right side of the hallway.
My focus shifted to the bed, and as soon as I saw Henry lying there, I had an instantaneous second thought about whether or not I was capable of enduring this. When all I wanted to do was collapse on my knees and cry until I couldn't breathe anymore, did I have the strength to maintain this equanimous and collected appearance? My hands were trembling, my stomach was in a knot, and my legs were becoming increasingly weak as the temperature in my entire body dropped.
He was lying there with an IV line in both hands; blood was flowing into one of the lines, while fluid was flowing into the other. He was hooked up to a cardiac monitor that was located next to his bed and was emitting a consistent beeping sound; the green line was shown to be creating little peaks against the black screen. There was a chest tube protruding out of his right hand side, near his ribs, which was obviously the chest tube they had mentioned about that was mending his collapsed lung. There was also a clear plastic tube running into his mouth that was hooked to a ventilator.
The image of him being so helpless and feeble was almost enough to push me over the edge, and I battled frantically to hold onto the control I had over my emotions despite the fact that it was almost enough to push me over the line. I had to keep my composure for him since he was counting on me, and I couldn't allow myself to cry in front of him.
I pushed my legs forward and came dangerously close to falling off the side of his bed as I got closer. I would have merely shaken him awake if it weren't for the tubes and cables that were linked to his body. His eyes were closed, and he appeared so calm, as if he was in a deep sleep. It appeared as though he was pretending to sleep, as though he was merely playing a joke on me and attempting to terrify me into submission.
I carefully examined every nook and cranny of his face as well as the exposed skin on his chest. I searched for his hand and when I did, I pulled it to my face while being careful of the tubes. I pressed my face into his palm and closed my eyes as I fought the misery that was attempting to overwhelm me. After kissing his wedding band, I turned his hand over and pressed my face into his palm.
"I need you to rouse Henry right now. It is quite significant; are you able to hear me? Baby, if you can hear me, I need you to get out of bed right away. Please? I begged him, pushing my lips against his palm as I pleaded with him to open his eyes for me. He did not move at all, and the only sound I could make out was the consistent beeping of the ventilator, along with the sucking and wheezing sounds it made as he breathed. "Henry, this is of the utmost importance; could you please wake up? For me, sweetie, could you?"
After a long struggle, I managed to open my eyes and stare down at him while still muttering. "Wake up dang it! Henry Williams, you must open your eyes and assist me in this matter. I can't handle everything on my own, so you need to snap out of it already! As I urgently sobbed into his shoulder, I placed my face against his. I was attempting to collect myself when I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. It landed on the bridge of his nose, and I hurriedly kissed it away in an effort to erase the memory.
I was startled when I heard the door open once more, but I didn't bother to turn back. The choking sobs that were flowing out of her gave me no doubt that it was Linda who was on the other end of the line. I didn't even want to see her because I knew that if I did, it would make me angry all over again, and there was nothing I could do about it. Because of this, I was concentrating all of my energy on Henry and trying to rouse him up so that he could handle this situation on his own.
However, he did not awaken at any point. I stood there feeling numb, clutching his palm to my face, and just starring at the heart monitor. Somehow, the line and the way it moved so slowly fascinated me. I was just staring at it.
Richard moved a couple of chairs up to the side of the bed and stroked my shoulder in an attempt to grab my attention, but I refused to look at him. No one else in the room said anything. When Henry comes to, if he tells me that I was wrong and that he wouldn't have gone in for the operation, then I will retract everything that I said to them and apologise. Henry is currently unconscious. I will publicly apologise and beg them to forgive me, but until that point, I wasn't going to even acknowledge that they were there.
After what seemed like an eternity, the door finally opened, and I quickly glanced up to see if it was yet another nurse or physician. They had been coming in on a fairly consistent basis to check the printout of his cardiac monitor and to adjust the dosage of the medication that was being administered through his drip.
However, it was not a physician; rather, it was my mother and James. They both appeared to be in such a state of despair that I was on the verge of breaking down and crying out of sheer helplessness, but I managed to keep it together in the nick of time. My mother burst into the room and gave me a bear embrace, which was perhaps a little too intense for my taste, but I didn't have the energy to argue with her, so I simply let her do it.