“Gray bought you a bookstore?” Dave repeated what I said. “And, a toy machine? Should I be amazed when I knew that someone already did those things to you before Gray?” He scoffed.
“I am telling you a story about Gray. Why are we changing the topic?” I rolled my eyes. “Are you even listening?”
“I am telling you that I am not impressed.” Dave replied.
“Am I telling you to be impressed?” I fired back. “Why are you suddenly giving me that expression? Aren’t you happy about Gray’s effort in showing me that he does love me?”
Dave fell into silence as he sighed. “Are you sure he already got over his feelings for Vivian?”
I raised my brow. “Why are we talking about Vivian now?”
“I am just curious.”
I shrugged. It bothered me at times, but what can I do? All I could do is to trust him. Give him my full trust since he’d been showering me with his love. That’s what couples are supposed to do, trust each other and believe in each other. What happens, happens.
“That’s not what you are curious about,” I glared at him. I know Dave. We’ve been together since we were kids, so it was clear to me that what he was thinking wasn't really about Gray and Vivian.
It was Mattel.
“Is Mattel already here?” I asked him.
I avoided those questions for days especially when I knew that he would be having his concert here. It was the first time that his band will be having a concert in here and it only means that it’s time for him to come back. He’ll be back and a concert here means he already wanted to settle. It also means he was ready to get me back like he promised.
I don’t know how I would feel.
Mattel is my first love. He’s the man that made me cry hard and I did everything for us to work, but somehow, it didn’t work. I had to sacrifice for him to reach his dreams. He already reached his dreams and now I really don’t know. I thought meeting Gray would make me forget about him...but what am I feeling now?
What is this? It was like I was betraying Gray for feeling this way. For longing for him again when we are already done. We never even started but even though he really made me cry. And, Mattel has always been the one that got away. I waited for him but when rumors of him dating girls happened and when I realized that he doesn’t seem to care about my feelings, I had to move on. Ugh! Why am I regretting it? Why do I feel like regretting not waiting for him and…
“What are you thinking? Did you even tell Gray about Mattel?”
“He knew.” I replied. “Not the whole story, but Gray knew about Mattel.”
“Then, how about you tell me the whole story, so I wouldn’t be surprised?”
I almost dropped my phone when Gray opened the door. He spoke so seriously and I could no longer read his face. He’s upset. Well, he’s going to be upset when he knows what I was thinking about Mattel.
“I’ll call back.” Dave immediately turned off the call.
I faced Gray. He was holding a coffee and a donut from my favorite donut shop. I didn’t even feel his presence because I was too occupied with a lot of things, especially about Mattel. I should really tell Gray everything about Mattel before the guy comes back again in my life. I am having mixed feelings and I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be sure about my feelings.
I know, I am sure about Gray but I am no longer sure what will happen if I see Mattel again. Am I really moved on? What should I do? Damn! Why does he need to come back?
“Sorry, didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you gave me a spare key so I used to enter.”
I stood up from my seat and approached him. He’s still upset and he’s showing me how upset he is.
“Should I come back tomorrow? Do you need some time alone?”
“I love you.” I blurted out which somehow surprised him.
“Should I be afraid of the next words that will come out of your mouth, babe.” His gulped the lump on his throat.
“I am trying not to ask you a lot of questions about Mattel because I still respect your privacy and I understand that they are things that we couldn’t just tell people. But, how about you inform me because I don’t want to be surprised when that man walks in your life again and…” He shook his head and closed his eyes.
“Gray…” I held him. I bit my lower lip. What the hell? Why am I suddenly speechless?
“Do you still love him?”
“I love you. That’s one thing that's for sure.”
“What’s not sure, then?” He looked up and I saw the hurt in his eyes. “You’re not sure if you are going to choose him over me.”
“Gray...it’s not. We’re not together. We didn’t even become…”
“But, you loved him.” He stated. “And, every person on earth, every person who knew both of you, even my brother had told me that you are perfect.”
“We aren’t.” I wagged my head. “Let’s not talk about Mattel. It’s --”
“Why are you avoiding the topic, Deanara?” He frowned. “Are you that afraid to realize that you still love him?”
I was taken aback. I don’t know what to say. It’s been bothering me and I really can't express my feelings. I don’t know. I shook my head and sighed. What should I tell Gray when it seems like I’ve been also lying to myself?
Mattel is not yet here but he’s running my life again. Why does he need to come back?
“Are you going to leave me when he comes back?”
“No!” I immediately thought it felt like I am not even convinced in my own words.
“I am not going to let you go, Deanara. I will not make it easy for you to leave me.” He pulled me close to him and kissed me.
I closed my eyes and felt his breath inside my mouth. He gently embraced me as his tongue continued to play mine. There was a warm sensation as he sealed his lips with mine.
“I love you.” He let go of me.
“I trust you,” he added. “But, at least let me know everything about you and Mattel.”
I nodded. He deserves that so I started telling him about Mattel.
Mattel and I met in the coffee shop. He liked me first and he was the one who started to make a first move when he dedicated a song for me. After that moment, he shared a table with me and even though he was just a stranger to me, I felt so close with him. We didn’t exchange numbers and took months before I was able to see him again. This time, we met at Ed Sheeran’s concert. It was the start of a fairy tale love story and it went on for years without a label. As you see, I got tired of not putting labels so when I met Gray, I knew I no longer wanted to repeat the same mistakes. I want to have a commitment with someone else.
Mattel left the country when he was given an opportunity to record songs and after a year, he became famous to the point that I could no longer reach him. Somehow, I learned to live next year without him. His voice, whenever it was playing on the radio, I could only hear a stranger’s voice. Well, it was my fault since I was the one who let go of him. I felt during those times that I would just be a hindrance in his career, so I chose to let go of him and focused on myself.
Now, I never thought I would see him again. It’s been 6 years since that happened. He was so famous right now that every teenager would know him if they heard his song.
“You were waiting for him…” Gray softly whispered as he stared blankly after telling him the story. “When you told me that you were waiting for me, where was I in your life when you were also waiting for Mattel?”
“Gray, I didn’t exactly wait for you because I really don’t know you. You are just an author I’ve known on the writing platform. I read your works when I was in high school. Mattel and I read your works and he even helped me find you on social media until I totally forgot about my curiosity in you. I met a lot of guys before coming back to you again.”
“What does it mean?” He raised his brow.
“I stopped writing when Mattel left, which means I never visited the writing platform again although I still remember you but it was really impossible for you and I to see each other. A year ago, I came back to writing and decided to stalk you again because I want something to keep myself busy. You won. You made me busy since I was really dying to know you and was even willing to hire a hacker to know you,” I chuckled. “Meeting you was really something I never expected. The day I met you was also the day I told myself I should wait for someone that doesn’t even know me.”
“Are you telling me we are destined?”
“Perhaps.” I grinned.
Gray chuckled. “Well, I like our story better than yours and Mattel. And, I did come back to the writing platform yet I never wrote again.”
“You replied to me.” I stated. “You told me you will never write again.”
“I am writing our story now.” He whispered as he placed his head on my shoulder and played with my hands.
“Do you still regret not fighting for Mattel?”
“I have a lot of what-ifs about Mattel and I but…” I paused and thought if I would really say it.
“What?”
“But, sometimes we made sacrifices for the one we loved. I am really happy because he’s exactly where he wants to be even without me.” I almost broke into tears as I remembered Mattel and all the promises that we have kept together. They were all bubbles now.
“I have a question and you have to tell me the truth.”
“Go on.” I urged him though I was somehow terrified of his question.
“Do you like watching the sunrise because it reminds you of Mattel or you just like it?” Gray looked me in the eyes. “Mattel’s single is entitled Sunrise and it’s no coincidence. He must have dedicated it to you.”
“I wrote the song.” I honestly said. “So, it was more like dedicated to him more than it was dedicated to me.”
Gray’s jaw dropped and I could sense some jealousy. “You wrote a song for him?”
“I wrote a story for you, babe!” I pinched his cheeks. “Don’t be jealous of him.”
He frowned. “He’s really something. I want to meet him.”
“What are you going to do upon meeting him?”
Gray looked at me in the eyes and playfully smiled.
“I am going to kiss you in front of him.”
Oh. That would be lovely. Although, I don’t think that would be the only thing Gray would do.