CHAPTER 50
Deanara Samaniego’s POV
One thing I have learned is that life will never wait for you. You will never be ready for what life would throw at you. No matter how much you say that you are ready and you know what to do, life will get you in its way where you have no other choice but to cry.
It happened so fast. I didn’t expect it to be like that. I have so many things that I want to say to him and we haven’t even clarified what happened to us. I haven’t told him that I had forgiven him and I was willing to take care of him until his last breath. I was willing to do that and even willing to marry him. I was willing to make him happy until my last breath, but I was already too late. I regretted how I treated him the last time I saw him. If only I had known, then I would have told him how much he meant to me. Truly, regret is at the end.
After hearing what happened between Gray and Vivian, I left the town for a while and didn’t tell anyone where I was going. I want a peace of mind and they are not giving it to me. I spent one week on the island just by myself, finding peace. I don’t know what happened. They might be looking at me, especially that I was gone during my birthday. Although I told Mikee that I’ll find myself for a week, they still worry about me. Well, I don’t know about Gray. It might just be a lie that he was worrying about me, but maybe he was happy that I was gone. I really don’t know. If only I could vanish one earth for once, then I would gladly do so.
However, I have never thought that I would regret spending my time alone because when they found me, they delivered a message that I couldn’t even believe. I kept on blaming myself, and kept on regretting my decision. I was still recovering from the pain that Gray caused me when my mother called me and I had to rush to the hospital to see Mattel. And, I must have done a mortal sin in my last life to experience this pain and sorrow.
Mattel was already dead when I arrived. He just finished his concert and they told me he collapsed on the stage and then he was already dead upon reaching the hospital. Some would say that I am lucky because finally our marriage arrangement will not happen, but no...it was Mattel and no matter how much I hated the arranged marriage, I still love him. There is still a part of me that holds his heart. I still care for him and I hate how I treated him. I didn’t even tell him everything I wanted to say.
I cursed every god I know when he died considering it’s not the only pain that I am feeling. Gray also betrayed me and I couldn’t bear how he still managed to show his face to me. Of course, I was mourning Mattel’s death that’s why I don’t have to settle my issues with him. Honestly, I don’t want to tell him. I want him to say it in front of me. I want Gray to admit it and I am just waiting.
For weeks, I pretended that we were okay, hoping he would open it. He would feel how cold I am. I prayed he had some conscience to admit his mistakes and tell me what she did with Vivian, but no. He never did it. He continued to care for me, to love me, to shower me with his words that I no longer know if real.
I don’t know anymore. My heart feels numb and I just live each day hoping that everything will go back to its place, but to no avail. I showed them how happy I am during the day, but I could never tell them that I am crying at night.
My mother kept on telling me to go back with her, but I kept on postponing it. Actually, I am just waiting for Ethan to propose to Vivian on the day of his birthday and see what will happen because that’s what I am waiting for. What will Vivian do? I hate her and how she was also lying to Ethan. I want to tell Ethan, but I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t know if he would believe me.
I am torn. Ugh! I am going crazy. I felt like I wanted to die so I could forget everything. How nice would it be, right? But, of course, I cannot just die. I cannot make them happy. They have to suffer. It cannot only be me and I still have to save Ethan in case something bad will happen. I need to be there for him because if not...then...who would be there? It’s so hard to face what I am feeling alone.
I haven’t even told Lyuna because I don’t want to bother her. She’s happy right now after I gave her a boutique and a company on her own. She was busy with it and I am so happy that I get to do those things for her.
“Is there something bothering you, babe?” Gray kept on asking while he was driving to the party. Finally, he realized that. Well, I am good at acting.
“No.” I shook my head. “I am just a bit tired. Still not feeling a bit well.” I lied. Why would I tell him? He doesn’t even have the nerve to tell me.
I now know why my mother hated Gray. I understand now. If it’s only a picture then I would say that it could be edited, but I saw a video, and even heard them talking about their baby. What the hell?
Gray doesn’t know how much pain he had caused me that I had to cry in the shower everyday so no one would see or hear it and tried not to cry in front of him each day he was showering me with good words.
I should have married Mattel. I should have chosen him. I regretted not giving him what he wanted until his last day.
I wanted to confront Gray but I was terrified of the truth. I want to give him the benefit of doubt and let him tell the truth to me. We promised not to lie to each other and I still trust him,
But, I couldn’t get it away especially because it was a picture of them both naked, sleeping, and you know it. I am trying to understand, tell myself really nice things since I received it, but nothing would make me calm unless Gray will tell me the truth.
He didn’t. I don’t know if he was aware of it or he was lying but I was waiting. I was trying to be quiet so he could feel it and realize it, maybe he will tell the truth yet he kept on asking why I am so quiet, not knowing he’s the reason. Is he dumb?
“Okay. Don’t sing later. Just rest.”
I nodded, not paying attention to him. I was just looking outside the window. I wanted to remove my hands from Gray’s hand but he would notice it and might ask me. I am trying not to talk until the party ends because I might not help myself. I might ruin the event. I am really mad.
We had already arrived at the hotel when my phone received a notification. I stopped to check it and my heart suddenly stopped upon seeing my mother send me another video. She is not really done with me. She already won.
Should I open it? What is it now? Is she going to send the video? Ugh! I am getting another headache.
“Who’s that?” Gray asked, looking at me.
“Nothing.” I wagged my head as he held my hand.
He titled his head and dropped, “Are you cheating on me?”
I scowled and faked a laugh. “Really? Are you asking me that?”
“Well, I am just confirming.”
“Are you cheating on me?” I asked him and he didn’t answer. “I am just confirming.”
I walked passed behind him and told him I will just go to the comfort room. I didn’t let him say anything and just walked away from him. I went inside the comfort room and stayed there trying to reach Ethan, but he’s not answering my phone. I could not let this go now. I need to tell it to Ethan. He deserves to know the truth.
I decided to look around the place to check on Ethan but he was not yet around until I reached the garden and remembered the first party I attended with Gray’s family. Now, they used the conference for the venue and instead of a dress, I am wearing a corporate attire just like what Ethan wanted for his visitors to wear.
I don’t have any intention to stay at the garden because I know that Ethan wasn’t around. I also needed to go back to the hall before Gray noticed the difference in me. Like I said, I need to finish this event before I confirm everything.
Or maybe...there was no need for that as I heard Vivian arguing with someone.
I hid behind the bushes and I didn't need to hear his voice, just his smell, I knew it was Gray.
“If you are not going to tell her what happened to us, then I will be the one to tell her.” Vivian raised her voice. “How many times should I tell you that I love you and I know you love me...I am willing to break up with Ethan and have a family with you. Why can’t you accept our child? It’s yours.”
“Nothing happened between us.” Gray finally said but even his voice isn’t convincing for me to believe.
“You’re drunk. We were both drunk and we woke up naked. How sure are you that nothing happened between us? Well, I even have a video of our scandal. How are you going to deny that?”
Gray didn’t say anything until Vivian added.
“You didn’t tell her what happened to us in Cebu?”
My tears fell down and my chest tightened. I know this, but it still hurts. It fucking hurts that I want to die right now for me not to feel this anymore.
“Nothing happened between us, Vivian.” Gray firmly said. “I am not the one who should be telling something. You should be the one telling Ethan that you are playing with him.”
“I am playing him with you, Gray. Don’t forget that.”
“We are done. Don’t--”
“I’m pregnant.” Vivian stated. “Don’t forget you are the father of this child.”
Oh my gosh! I ran away from the place as I held my chest. I could no longer handle it. Damn! Why does it have to happen during parties? Why do I have to hear it? It was already enough for me to see the picture but hearing it and listening to their conversation is tearing me apart.
Ugh! My eyes were so blurred that I didn’t notice I bumped into someone.
“Deanara,” Ethan caught me in his arms. “What happened?” He asked, concerned.
“I…” I hugged him because I don’t know how to say it to him. I was hurt. I know the feeling of being betrayed and it hurts. I know Gray felt it before because of Ethan...and it’s just karma but still I don’t know what to say.
“What happened?” His voice was shaking and he’s not dumb not to have any idea why I am crying.
We both heard footsteps and I know there’s only them that would come from that direction. And, it might be stupid but I will not let them see me weak. I am already tired of this and it’s payback time. I wiped my tears and faced Ethan.
Without thinking, I pulled him close to me and kissed him. I saw how surprised he was. I let go of him after a second and whispered, “Gray and Vivian are cheating on us.”
“What…” He paused and upon realizing that he held me close and returned the kiss. That’s when I knew Gray and Vivian were already staring at us.
It was a French kiss enough to put Gray in rage. That is why when I turned my back, I already saw him close his fist, ready to punch Ethan any minute.
Ethan held my waist as he knew I am weak just like him. Vivian was surprised. I don’t know what she’s thinking and I don’t want to know. If she can play, I can, too.
“Deanara,” Gray’s voice was calm but it was full of anger. He moved his head sideways waiting to hear me say something or tell me that what he saw was just a lie. But, I am so tired of lies that I decided to create one to end this.
“What is the meaning of this?” Gray clenched his fist and bit his lower lip tasting blood. “Tell me what I saw is just a lie, Deanara.”
“Ethan? Did you just kiss him?” Vivian asked, like she was hurt. If I know, she was already happy.
“You saw what you saw.”
Gray faked a laugh and I almost regretted it when I saw tears fall from his eyes. I wanted to run in his arms and hug him but it was too late. The damage has been done and I no longer want this.
I know what I did was so painful to him and I would forever be sorry about it.
“You can still take it back, Deanara…” Gray’s voice shook as he covered his face with his palm. I bit my lower lip and looked down.
“I’ll leave the both of you. I’ll see you at the party, hon.” Ethan told me and kissed me on my forehead that made Gray curse. I know he was just trying his best not to ruin the night but if this is another day he would probably punch Ethan in the face.
“I believe you want to talk, Vivian.” Ethan coldly said and pulled Vivian away from that place, leaving us.
I wiped my tears and prepared myself to leave when he ran and hugged me from behind. He cried on my shoulder and I felt the warm liquid coming from his face. Fuck! I no longer know if I did the right thing or if this is just an act. I don’t know! I just want a peace of mind and no matter how much I love Gray, he is killing my peace of mind.
“P-please…” He pleaded. “Tell me it’s not real…” He turned me around to face him. I looked down because I didn't want to see his face.
“Tell me and I will forgive you. Just tell me it was a mistake…” He caressed my cheeks and wiped my lips. “Please…”
I shook my head and continued to sob. “L-let me go.”
“No…please…”
I covered my mouth as tears kept on falling in my face. I couldn’t cry out loud. I held my breath.
“The party will start. I need to go and Ethan---”
He kissed me and I swear I want to return it but all I did was cry in front of him. I love him, but I want to let go of him. My imagination is already holding me back. My expectation was killing me because I thought we could write a story that would end happily. Turns out, he still needed to end his story before he could start writing ours.
I do love him, but this isn’t right, especially that I am already compromising my peace of mind.
I don’t want to stay in a relationship that is full of lies or to someone who’s not yet done loving another woman.
“So, you are admitting it?” He clutched his chest as he hardly spoke. “R-eally?”
I smiled a bit as I kissed him on his cheeks.
“I’ll see you soon, Gray.”
I ran away from that place, leaving my heart broken into pieces.