I was leaving the house followed by mama, papa, and Janel. Jr. brought my bag to take me to the airport. I also told my mama not to take me to the airport. I have a three-year contract in Taiwan, maybe that's enough to save to start and on to give myself a break from what happened.
“Mia, are you really sure? You can still back off, just don't leave. Just stay here, ”said mama.
“Yes Mia, Taiwan is too far, what if you get sick there? What if you are sad there, you are away from us,” Jane seconded.
“Mom, Janel we’re already talking‘ aren’t we? I can be myself so don't worry about me. Is it still me?"
I convince them.
"Mia, I trust you." Dad can walk even a little bit but he still needs therapy because it's not that straight. But at least he can walk when he has a cane even without help from some mama. He can speak even a little crookedly but can understand.
"Thank you," I said then looked at my mother. “All I need is assurance that all of you will be ok here, be careful here. I'm far away so please don't make me worry, huh?”
“I promise Mia, as long as you are careful there! You also said you are far away, we are not there when you need us.”
"Don't worry about me Ma, I can do it myself. Believe me, I think I will inherit from you and Papa, brave and courageous."
"Mia, just be patient and I'll be able to finish soon," said Janel.
"When I recover, I will take care of our family again," said papa.
"Mia, we need to leave." I looked at Jr. who had already put my belongings in the van.
"No one will cry." I preceded them immediately so they all smiled. We all hugged before I boarded the passenger seat of the van.
When I was inside I even saw them waving at me. Fortunately, the van was tinted so they didn’t see me cry.
"Hmph!" Jr. handed me a handkerchief. "You said no one will cry, but you're the only one crying."
"I'll miss my family," I said then continued to cry. “Even though I reprimanded them and sometimes didn't go home, only now can I really getaway. That is literally far away.”
"Don't worry, I'm here I won't leave them."
"Thank you," I said then sobbed.
“Oh, how are you going to leave if all you're going to do is cry? You will be held on immigration for that, they will tell that maybe someone just forced you to leave.”
"Really?" I asked in surprise and then wiped away the tears.
"Yes probably." I looked at him as if I were a child. "You're cute, welcome back to you."
"I haven't even been able to leave welcome back right away." He laughed at what I said.
"Welcome back to your old self." I looked out the window.
“A lot has happened to me in just over a year. Things I thought I couldn't do and never thought I could do.”
He continued to drive while listening to me.
"I thought I couldn't go back to where I was, but God still loves me, because he just encouraged me and strengthened me before he shaped me back to where I was." Then I looked at Jr. "Thanks!" I said.
"Thank you for what?" he asked in surprise.
"Because you kept your promise to come back, and I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise to wait."
"I don't know what to say to you Mia, because I really hope you will wait."
I kept thinking about Dylan, the more I understood his decision to separate us because he didn't want to hope that someone is waiting for him when come back.
"Are you mad at me?" I will ask.
“No! I was angrier with myself because when I arrived, Clark immediately informed me of your change. I don't believe it because I know it's impossible and I know you promised to wait for me. So I immediately went to see you to find out if it was true and that's when I saw you very differently,” he explained then turned the car around.
“I was angry with myself, I immediately blamed myself. If I hadn't left it wouldn't have happened to you. That's why when you told me that you blamed me for what happened to you, it wasn't me anymore or leave. Because I know that what you said is true and that's how I feel.”
“But you're not really at fault, J, I'm really at fault for everything. No matter what storm comes into my life, if I really don't want to do something, no one can force me. But I wanted to do what I knew was not good, so I was really to blame. I'm just looking for someone to blame, it's easier to blame and get angry than to admit that I made the wrong decision.”
I looked at him and he did the same before continuing to drive and then spoke.
“Before I went home, I said to myself it’s ok if you have someone else ’because that’s also what I told you before I left. That in case you find something that makes your heartbeat, I want you to be happy. But when I saw you riding your ex's motorbike and you hugged him, I wanted to chase you and take you from him.”
I laughed when I remembered what had happened. I really meant to hug Dylan because I knew Jr. was there.
"Mia ---" He stopped the car in the parking lot of the terminal inside the airport. "I'll wait," he added.
“Don't decide first Jr., three years is too long to say that. Many things can happen in one day, in three more years? It's better that we don't have anything to hold on to so that no one will be hurt in the end.”
I heard a sigh from him.
“I just don't want you to be stuck in your promises and in your future decisions. I was there, I said before but I couldn't stand it. I just don't want you to regret it later, either you didn't keep your promise, or you wasted a decision because you wanted to keep your promise.”
“Mia, just remember. I'm maybe not even one of those you go home. You will always think that I am one of those who are excited about your return apart from your family.”
I smiled at him once holding his hand.
“I know, even though I haven't been able to leave yet, I know, I'm excited to go home because I know you're one of those waiting even if you're just a friend. Hug me at least one.” He approached me and gave me a hug.
"Be careful!"
"You also."
My life has been very chaotic lately. But on the other hand, there has also been good.
I met Dylan.
I became stable.
But of all that has happened, I have proven only one.
God loves me because he didn’t let me fall too hard. He took me away from sin before I was completely broken.
As I leave I carry with me the memory of yesterday that will inspire and remind me that there is nothing I cannot do. It's like I couldn't handle anything then.
For the second time, we will part in Jr.’s path. But this time I was the one to stay away. Not just to give me peace but for the good of my family.
I'm not sure if my heart will ever return to the two men who promised to wait for me. But one thing I am sure of, I have a Family going home waiting for my return. My true inspiration and guidance so I overcame all the trials I went through.