I BROUGHT a flower here to Jr.’s grave, a month ago since he passed away but I still can’t accept until now that Jr. is gone, that he left me. Next to his grave is Ade's grave which I also decorated with flowers.
“I feel envious, you two are together. You too for sure are happy now because you are still together until the end.” My tears started dripping again. Ever since Jr. disappeared I have always cried when I remembered him.
"Ade, did you take care of my husband there?" I feel like she can hear me. “Don't get mad at him because of what he did before! because he only did it because he loves you. Like he chose to leave me because he loves me.”
This is where my tears flowed.
I felt someone hold my shoulder. When I turned around I saw Dylan holding a handkerchief to wipe away my tears.
"Jr. will be angry with me because I let you cry …… sorry 'bro, just let her release her sadness, it will pass and she can accept that everything will be ok."
I sobbed and sobbed.
"Am I a bad person Dylan, to be hurt over and over again? I've always suffered," I said. I felt his hug and he pulled me closer to him.
"You are not a bad person, even a bad or good person also experiences pain. it is not because they are being punished, but because destiny only strengthens them. God just wants us to call to Him no matter what happens in our lives, good or bad.”
”I always call to him! Despite everything that happened I did not forget Him, but why until the end did He still hurt me. I understand that I can not question Him but Dylan it's too painful. And I want to get an answer from Him."
“I will answer that for you, Mia. That is Jr's destination. Maybe his mission here on earth is to meet you and go through your life. After that God took him.”
"He was just introduced to me, to hurt me?"
“No, he was introduced to you to leave a lesson in your life. To cheer up when you are sad. Like me, I have been your guide during the times when you are lost.” He explained. “Isn't there a saying, 'met but not destined? The only thing that matters there is. He will give you a memory.”
“Will you leave me, too Dylan? If Yes, please not now.”
"No Mia, I'm still here even if you don't need me."
"I want to cry in Dylan's arms, I want to cry and cry."
He hugged me.
"It's ok, just cry." I sobbed as I sank into Dylan's chest and just kept on crying. Maybe he’s right, there are people who actually come but aren’t destined.
It's just painful to accept that I haven't been with the man I married for a long time who also disappeared on the day of my wedding.
He was the first in my heart and I should be grateful that I was given the opportunity to love him and be loved by him in his short life here on Earth. I knew that even if I mourned over and over he would never come back. This time, even if I wait he will not come back as I waited when he left.
For now, I will just give time to myself and the people who are still here with me without taking Jr. out of my heart and carrying happy memories that we both shared.
Even though he is not by my side now, I know that for the rest of my life he will be a guide here in my heart. He and the memory of the two of us will not simply be erased and will continue to live in the hearts of those who have been important to the two of us.
If I was given the opportunity to make up a story about two people who both loved each other but ultimately only one was left. I courage to tell the story of Jr. and I's love, not for pity but to be a lesson in life no matter what you fight, you are still not sure if you will win.
The important thing is that you fight and continue to fight. Because the right time to rejoice will also come.
And with and Jr, our love is over. But he will remain in my heart forever. Mostly now that he left a life. A life that witnesses our love. Life here in my stomach.