My knees soften and I feel like I don’t want to step on my feet. I was still wearing the wedding gown which was now full of blood. Dylan supported me as I walked toward the Morgue.
Jr. is dead.
He was declared dead on arrival due to a wound near his heart. I never thought that the happiest day of my life would be the most painful either. The celebration that is ready after the wedding will turn into mourning.
Mama, papa, and Janel are outside the morgue. There was a trace of crying in their eyes. Inside, the cries of Jr.'s siblings were heard. I could not step on my foot, because apart from the softening I am also shaking.
In the ambulance, I was able to talk to him even though he did not answer. I even saw the tears in his eyes every time I spoke. But why is that? why is he gone?
"Jr.," I called his name. It's like he can hear me. "Get up," I added. Dylan held me tight so I wouldn't fall over.
"Jr., you promised you wouldn't leave me and make me cry." I looked at Dylan, I heard his deep sigh. "He's going to get up, isn't he?" I asked Dylan who averted his eyes, but before that, I noticed his tears. I looked back at Jr.'s body as if just sleeping.
"You said you wouldn't hurt me anymore? But why did you do it more painful now? I know I hurt you before, don't retaliate against me in this way. I still need you, you told me we will stay together forever. You said you will stay by my side. But why did you leave me?"
"Why am I alone now? What will I do now? You trained me you were there, then now you just leave like this. Get up, I'm begging you, please come back."
"Don't hurt me like this. Not the day you made me happy. We should be happy now. No one will cry, no one will mourn. I can't J, I can't afford to wake up every day without you by my side. I don't want to wake up and think I'm not with you anymore."
"Because I don't know how to face the new morning, all I can do is mourn. I need you, I need you so please come back."
I kept crying as I sat on the cement.
"Mia," Dylan called to me. "They'll take Jr. to fix it."
I looked at Jr.'s brother with swollen eyes, he smiled hard at me. He asks permission and the funeral home will take Jr.'s body. I want to stop but it looks like I can do nothing. I only cried back. Jr's brother tapped Dylan on the shoulder before coming out with Jr.'s body.
All I could do was cry inside the morgue. Dylan sat down next to me and faced me.
“Jr. doesn't want you to cry. He doesn't want to see you hurt.” He wiped my tears with the back of his palm.
“He didn't want to hurt me but he left me. I hope we don't just get married, I will accept it rather than this happened.” Dylan took my hand.
"Jr. told me something last night so I was forced not to leave." I looked at him with astonishment. I asked Jr. what they talked about but he said it was a man's conversation.
“I don't know why he said it to me last night. But as far as I understand Mia, it seems that Jr. already knows that this will happen.”
"What do you mean?"
“He begged me not to leave, he wanted me here for your wedding. He said if I really don't love you anymore I have to prove it. I will come to your wedding.”
"I refused because I don't have to show up at your wedding to let everyone know that I've moved on, but he begged me and said no matter what happens I won't leave your side because you will need me."
"You-I need you?" I repeat what he said.
“Even though I didn't understand what he wanted to convey, I still came. To prove to him that I am happy with your marriage. But now I seem to have realized what he meant. He seems to know it will happen.”
Then he snatched something from his pocket.
“He said he loves you very much. He would rather die than hurt you.” Then a letter was handed to me. “When he handed it to me, he said he would take it from me after the wedding. But if he can't get it, I'll give it to you. I don't know Mia, No one can tell me what to do, but at those times it was like someone was whispering to me to follow everything he says.”
I took the letter that Jr. had given me. Don’t know, but at these times my heart is full of nervousness.
*****
My loving wife,
It's nice to hear that I'll whisper to you that word every day. ‘My wife, my love,’ I know that at these times, as you read my letter I may be gone.
Forgive me, Mia, forgive me because until the end I broke my promise to you that I will not make you cry. Because I know that at these times it hurts you too much as you read this. Because I know that at these times I left you unprepared. It hurts me, but it hurts more to turn my back on our marriage. The day that will unite us so I can say you have become completely mine. It hurts more not to continue the marriage just because I'm afraid of leaving you.
You will be hurt more if I choose not to continue the marriage. The day that is most important to us.
This is the only way I know to prove to you that to the end you are the woman I want to be with here on earth. I would have preferred this to have happened because until the end you were with me.
I knew it would happen, but I wasn’t scared and I had prepared myself. It just hurts to think I didn't warn you. But even so, I know you can handle the pain. You can handle Mia, because that's what I want, and I know you're brave.
You still have a long way to go, it's painful to think that at these times I know I won't be with you anymore. But I will be happy because I know that no matter what happens, the people who love you will never leave you.
I'm glad I met you, Mia, I'm glad I lived that you were the last one I was with. I am happy because the woman I love loved me. I am happy because I have been a part of the joys and sorrows of your life.
I promised I would stay by your side and I wanted that to happen, but if you read this letter it only meant one thing then.
I am gone and forgive me.
I'm sorry, if I chose to be with Ade, maybe we're really meant to be. Because you are also destined for others. I am confident that I will leave you because I know that no matter what happens, there is more love than he can give you than I can give.
I am confident because I know that like me he can tolerate everything just to make you happy. I am not afraid to leave, because I will leave you with a good man. I will also not leave sad because I am with our love.
I love you so much Mia, my dream of you being mine has come true. Not only was I given the opportunity to prolong our time together, but I am still happy that one last time I was here on Earth my dream came true.
To be with the woman I love.
Take care of yourself, don't neglect, don't be stubborn, and always be positive.
Despite everything that has happened today, I want you to still stay positive in life.
I will bury in my heart my love for you and your love for me.
Until we meet again,
Goodbye
Mia (mine)