#BTSEp33
My mind went blank. This is that specific moment where you will question everything. Where you will be confused between the idea of reality and imagination.
Totoo ba 'to?
Hindi.
Hindi ito totoo.
It's my Liv. My Liv. He can never do this to me. He loves me and I feel it. I know, masyado niya akong mahal para gaguhin ng ganito. Masyado niya akong pinapahalagahan para gaguhin. Hindi ko kayang paniwalaan ito.
Masikip pa rin ang dibdib ko noong kinuha kong muli iyong cell phone sa sahig. Nanginginig pa rin ang kamay ko. Wala akong balak na seryosohin ang text message na ito. I should delete it now. Hindi ko dapat paniwalaan ito.
With my blinking eyes, I started to press the delete button. But I was halted when I received another message from this stranger.
Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko.
091745672---
Nasa dressing room sila ngayon ng Noon Time Show. See it for yourself.
Sa mga nabasa ko, nagtatalo ang utak at puso ko. Kasabay ng pag-iling ko ang pagbuga ko ng malungkot na hangin. Kasabay ng segu-segundo kong pag-haplos sa braso ko, my mind is creating a storm.
I know and I am sure that Liv will never do this. Sigurado ako doon pero . . . a part of me, a massive part of me is believing this text message. A stronger part of me is pushing me to just go and check if this text message is real.
And so, I let that part of me to win over my heart.
With heavy steps, my heart is pounding against my chest. Tila bang sobrang bigat ng mga paa ko noong mga oras na iyon. Iyon para bang may pabigat sa paa ko. Iyong para bang nakagapos ako sa mga ideyang gusto kong paniwalaan. Iyong ideyang naghihiwalay sa akin sa reyalidad.
It took me a few moments to reach the studio of the Noon Time Show. I am smiling with the other media staff as I started to walk towards the area of their dressing rooms. I really hope na hindi nila nahalata kung gaano kalungkot ang ngiti ko. I really hope so.
Malakas pa rin ang tibok ng puso ko noong inisa-isa ko na ang mga pangalan sa pintuan. First door is a nope, the second one is the same and then my heart started to go up my throat the moment I finally saw the sign with Liv Zoberano hanging on the door.
It took me a massive amount of effort to finally grab the silver door knob. And it even took me a lot of courage to finally rotate it with my trembling hands. Pigil hininga ako nang magsimula na akong itulak ito.
And when I finally opened it.
Nagsisi ako kung bakit ko pa 'to ginawa. Kung bakit ko pa ba itinuloy.
It was . . .
It was Liv and Ysabelle.
Kissing.
With Liv's hand on her chest-- grabbing her there, Ysabelle is softly moaning. Pero parehong nanlaki ang mga mata nila nang makita ako. Liv automatically moved his feet away from Ysabelle. And my best friend is smirking at me as she wiped her lips with the back of her palm.
Napapikit ako sa biglang kirot na tumusok sa dibdib ko. Nanghina ako sa mga nakita ko. I almost lost my balance but the good thing is, I managed to utilize the wall on my side.
Huminga ako nang malalim bago muling magmulat ng mga mata. And when I opened my eyes, lalo akong nasaktan. Ysabelle is hugging Liv now. And my boyfriend is acting as if he's about to protect her at all cost.
I entered the room with all of my hopes between Liv and I crashing down before my eyes. I gravitated my feet towards them as my heart continue to break into pieces.
"Liv, ano 'to?" My voice is shaking. But my tone is convincing him to just lie. To just tell me that it was just my imagination. Na hindi totoo lahat ng nakita ko. Kasi tanga na naman ako. Bakit hindi niya pa sulitin?
Hindi makasagot si Liv. While Ysabelle is still smirking at me, I ball my fist. As I glare at her, it really pained me a lot when Liv move her behind him. Seems like I can't slap a bitch right now.
"Hindi ka sasagot?" Pagpapatuloy ko. Kasabay ng panghihina ko dahil sa sunod-sunod na pagsaksak sa akin ng kirot sa dibdib ko.
Liv seems like not planning to say any words at all.
"Liv, ano ba?!" I started to hit him on his chest. I am hitting him with the bottoms of my fist. Kusa lang iyong tinatanggap ni Liv habang nakatingin sa akin ng may emosyong hindi ko maintindihan.
His eyes are telling me something . . .
It's reflecting an envelope full of sad metaphors. Nangungusap ang mga mata niya. Pero iyong lungkot mula doon, damang-dama ko. Iyong sakit at kirot sa bawat pagkisap niya sa nagbubutil na mga luha niya, kitang-kita ko.
"Sumagot ka, Liv." I let out a tight sigh before I glance to the wall. Noong ibaling kong muli ang mga mata sa kanya, I am glaring. I am ready to attack him and his bitch. "Are you cheating on me? Seriously? With my best friend?"
Nakatungo lang si Liv. Nakabaling na ang mga mata sa sahig. Hindi ako naging handa nang magsimula siyang itango ang ulo.
That moment, kusang humampas amg palad ko sa kanyang pisngi. That made his face to turn on the other side.
"Putangina, Liv . . ." I am trying to swallow all of the bile raising on my throat. I don't want to look like someone who is defeated. With the whore named Ysabelle, I can never be the defeated one here.
"Putangina naman, Liv. Bakit . . ." Nilamukos ko ang mukha ko para patigilin ang kusang pagpatak ng maiinit kong luha. "Bakit naman ganito? Bakit kung kailang mahal na mahal na kita, saka mo ako gagaguhin?"
I am sobbing now. "Bakit ang gago mo, Liv?" From moment to moment, I am hitting his chest. "Bakit sobrang gago mo naman?"
Tumingala ako sa planong pagpapatigil ng luha ko. Pero nabigo ako. Patuloy lang itong dimausdos pababa ng mga pisngi ko.
Nang muli akong magbaling ng tingin kay Liv, gusto kong lumuhod sa harap niya. Gusto kong magmakaawa sa kanya para sabihing kasinungalingan lang lahat ng ito. "Paano na ako niyan? Sa ginawa mo, paano naman ako? Ano, wala lang? Basta-basta ka na lang aalis kasi may iba ka na? Kasi mas gusto mo sa cheap na 'yan?" I dramatically threw my hand on Ysabelle's direction.
"Your mouth, Grace."
Wow, and we went to Grace now? Masakit pa nito, he used to call me by my real name back then. Bakit ngayon, screen name na lang?
Tangina . . .
"Ang gago niyo!" Pinagtutulak ko si Liv. And I never thought that I have the strength to push him away. Then it revealed Ysabelle.
The moment na nakita ko siya, agad kong pinuntirya ang buhok niya. Hinigit ko siya doon hanggang sa mapasigaw siya sa sakit. At kasabay ng pag-sabunot ko sa kanya ang pagsampal ko sa magkabilang pisngi niya. Hindi ko na inaalintana ang maya't-mayang pag-kalmot niya sa mukha ko.
And then, I felt Liv's hands to tightly grip my arms. The he moved me away from the bitch who is now crying because of the pain I imposed on her cheap and dirty system.
Pwersado akong pinaupo ni Liv sa upuan. Then he faced me with still an emotion I can't decipher. "Baby--" He opened and closed his mouth.
"Grace, tapos na tayo."
Sa sinabi niya, parang nabingi ako. Parang wala akong narinig. Kasi wala akong gustong tanggapin sa apat na salitang lumabas sa bibig niya.
"We're done, okay? I am choosing Ysabelle over you. Please . . ." He let out a painful sigh before he tell me the words that will forever burn on my mind, "give up on me. You don't deserve someone like me."
Tuloy-tuloy ang pagbugso ng luha sa mga mata ko. Ang kirot sa dibdib ko ay mainit. At ang mahina kong paghugulgol ang tangi kong narinig nang hilahin ni Liv si Ysabelle palabas. When he loudly closed the door, I broke down into pieces.
I cried and cried and cried until I can't produce a single tear anymore.
Hindi ko matanggap.
Hindi ko kayang tanggapin lahat ng kagaguhang nangyayari ngayon.