#BTSEpilogue
White hallways. The loud noises that most of the people made the moment they saw me lying on a hospital bed while being pushed by the two male nurses.
"Shit . . ." Kagat-labi kong sambit. Napapapilipit na lang ako ng mga tuhod.
Humihilab na ang tiyan ko. Naluluha na lang ako sa kirot na pinaparanas nito sa puson ko. Para ba akong sinasaksak doon, nakakamatay ang sakit.
"Aray . . ." I continue to tear up as my gaze never left the white ceiling. Ngayon ay ramdam kong tuloy-tuloy ang pagbuhos ng luha sa mga mata ko.
"Kabuwanan mo na ba ngayon, Ma'am?" Asked by the nurse. Hingal na hingal siya.
I quickly shook my head. "Dalawang buwan pa po ang due ko." I started to sob. Kasabay kasi ng pagluha ko ang pangamba ko na baka may mangyaring masama sa anak ko.
I swallowed hard. Then I took a deep breath, wishing that I could ease the pain just by doing so. Pero walang nangyari, patuloy lang na kumirot ang puson ko.
Nang magbaling ako ng tingin sa dalawang nurse ay bakas rin sa kanila ang pangamba. Silang dalawa ay maingat at mabilis ang ginawang pag-galaw nang maipasok na nila ako sa operating room.
Doon ko lang nalaman na naghihintay na pala doon ang Doktor. She is looking worried as she instructed the nurse to help me change clothes. And before I knew it, because of the pain that is currently pestering me, hindi ko na namalayang nakasuot na pala ako ng hospital gown.
Patuloy ang ginawa kong pag-ngiwi nang simulan na ni Doc ang pagsuri sa akin. I was quiet the whole time. Paminsan-minsang napapapikit dahil sa hapdi. Pinipilit na kayanin ito kahit na ilang sandali na lang ay mapapahagulgol na talaga ako sa sakit.
"Ma'am, manganganak ka na." The Doctor announced with a calm voice. "Nasaan na po ang asawa mo?"
Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-ngiwi. Bumuga-buga muna ako ng hangin nang ilang segundo bago sumagot. "Wala po . . . Wala po, Doc."
At sa nagdaang ilang segundo ay mas lalong tumindi ang sakit. Para bang binibiyak sa dalawa ang katawan ko. "Doc! Masakit na po! Doc!" Anas ko habang napapakapit nang mahigpit sa handle ng hospital bed.
"Okay, Ma'am. We will start to deliver your baby as soon as possible." Kalmado ang boses ng Doctor. Halatang ilang taon na niya itong ginagawa. "Okay, on my count of three--"
"Baby!" The door of the operating room opened. And it revealed Liv, with all of the sweat on his face. His chest is going up and down.
Agad siyang tumakbo sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko. Sa aming dalawa, habang nagdadrive siya papunta sa hospital, siya ang mas kinakabahan.
"Are you okay, baby?" He told me as he tightened his grasp on my hand.
"Okay?!" I am sobbing the pain. "Anong okay dito?!" Matapos ay naramdaman ko ang muling pagguhit ng kirot mula sa puson ko. "Aray!"
"Shit, baby. I am sorry you have to feel this." Liv is kissing my hand.
"Bakit ngayon ka lang?!" I glared at him.
"Baby, walang kasama si Chance sa labas. I had to wait for Czearine first." Liv winced at doon ko lang iyon na-realize. Ako nga pala talaga iyong nag-utos sa kanya na hintayin si Czearine para asikasuhin si Chance.
Then there was the Doctor's voice. "Kalma po tayo, Ma'am. On my count of three, you have to take a deep breath, then try pushing your baby. Alright, Ma'am?"
Um-oo na lang ako kahit sa tindi ng sakit na nadarama ay wala na akong maintidihan pa.
"You can do it, baby. You can do it." Liv told me as he put his lips on my forehead.
"One . . ." The Doctor started to count calmly. "Two . . . Three . . ."
Huminga ako nang malalim. Matapos ay saka ko inire palabas ang anak ko pero sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ay napasigaw na lang ako.
"It's okay, Ma'am! You can yell! You curse your husband para maibsan iyang sakit na nararamdaman mo!" Told by the nurse.
On cue, I did what I was told. "Bwiset ka! Ang gago gago mo! Bakit ba kasi ang sharp shooter mo?!"
"Baby . . . " Liv told me as he smiled. He is looking amused. Nahampas ko nga nang isa!
"Okay, you are doing great, Ma'am. A few more push and we will see your baby within a few minutes!"
Sana all, kalmado ngayon Doc?!
Tumango na lang ako sa kanya. Matapos ay nagbilang uli siya. Ganoon uli ang ginawa ko. Pero sa panibagong pag-ire ko ay tumindi ang sakit.
Hindi ko na ito kinakaya.
Napasigaw ako nang malala sa sakit. Napapikit ako hanggang sa bigla na lang akong manghina. And then my breathe started to go heavy.
Then there was Liv's frantic voice. "Baby?!" Tinapik-tapik niya ang mukha ko. Ako naman, animo hinang-hina sa sakit, napapapikit nang inboluntaryo. "Hey?!"
"Doc! Her heartbeat is getting slow!" I can clearly hear the nurse to yell.
"Sir, we really have no choice now but to reverse the method of delivering the baby. Kailangan na po ni Ma'am ang c-section!" Puno ng otoridad ang boses ni Doc.
Patuloy ang pagtapik ni Liv sa aking mukha. Hanggang sa marinig ko na lang na mabasag ang kanyang boses. Punong-puno iyon ng pagka-alarma. "Doc, gawin niyo po ang lahat! Iligtas niyo po ang asawa at anak ko!"
And then, that was the last thing I've heard before I lost to the darkness of my mind.
***
When I opened my eyes, I was welcomed by the blinding lights of the room. Siguro ito ay dahil sa puting mga pader.
Napapikit pa muna ako nang ilang saglit bago ako muling nagmulat ng mga mata. When I started to move, doon ko lang nagpatantong nakaunan pala sa kamay ko ang ulo ni Liv. Pa-upo siyang natutulog.
Napangiti ako.
And then I was about to reach for his head to caress his hair when I was halted by the sudden pain from my tummy. Napangiwi ako at hindi sinasadyang makagawa ng ingay.
"Shit . . ." I silently mumbled.
Doon ay nagising ko si Liv. Napapipikit siyang tumingin sa akin. At noong para bang napagtanto niyang gising na ako ay biglang nagliwanag ang kanyang mukha.
His smile is wide as he told me, "Jesus! I thought you're dead!"
"Ang OA mo. Ilang oras na akong tulog?" I rolled my eyes as I wince. Medyo kumirot kasi ang tiyan ko.
"Twelve hours na." Worries are flashing his eyes. I only shook my head to prevent myself from laughing.
"Nasaan na ang baby natin?"
"She was incubated. Hindi pa natin siya pwedeng mahawakan as per the Doctor."
I nod.
Right. We are ready for this. Na-orient na kami ni Doc about this.
"Gusto mong makita ang anak natin?" He asked me with a bright smile. He is looking like a proud dad.
I continued to wince. "How? Sigurado akong na-CS ako. Hindi ako makakalakad."
"Nope, I took a picture of her."
"Really?" My face lit up.
He nods as he grabs ahold of his phone. And then he scrolls something on it. Bago niya iniharap sa akin ang screen.
From the cell phone, I saw Hope. I saw our second child. Sleeping peacefully inside the incubator. My tears automatically fell down my cheeks the moment I saw her face.
"Baby, look how beautiful Hope is." Liv told me. And that earn him a nod from me. "Kamukha siya ng Mom niya." Matapos ay tinignan niya ako diretso sa mga mata. Iyong paraang tumagos sa puso ko ang narinig mula sa kanya.
I chuckle. Hindi ko itatangging kinilig ako nang slight sa sinabi niya. Kinuha ko na lang ang cell phone at matamang tinignan ang anak namin. Smile is etched on my face as I continue eyeing our angel.
"Oh, gising na ang baby Chance?" Liv mumbled with a baby voice. Doon ko lang napagtanto na natutulog pala sa couch si Chance. She is just lying there, staring at us with sleepy eyes.
Tumayo si Liv at kinuha siya. Buhat-buhat niya itong inilapit sa akin.
"Baby, Ate ka na. May bunso na tayo, oh." I told her and she only smiled at me. Para bang naintindihan niya ako.
And then Liv grabs his phone from me. He showed the picture of Hope to her. At ang bata, para bang alam niya talaga ang nangyayari, ngiting-ngiti sa screen ng cell phone. Doon ay kiniliti siya ng kanyang ama. At iyon ang naging simula ng armonyang ginagawa ng kanyang pagtawa.
Pinanood ko na lang sila nang may ngiti sa labi.
This moment, this moment is more than what I have wished for. It was a slow motion to my gaze. My husband carrying our child with a smile on his face. With a love that I long to wait.
This is beyond what I have envisioned before.
And I am glad that despite of all the challenges that Liv and I faced, we ended up facing our happy ever after together.
I am out of words.
I have nothing but bliss whenever I think that finally, I have already found the role that I dreamt of. To be a mother and a wife to a happy family.
I am nothing but a ball of happiness whenever I come to a realization that I am now on that perfect scene of my life.
I am thankful.
I am indeed grateful that behind the spotlight, I am happy. And that is more than what I will wish for-- to be genuinely happy around my favorite persons.
END
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Author's Note:
Another achievement!
Writing this story made me realize three things: one is self-love, two is forgiveness and the last one is hope amidst chance.
Self-love comes from understanding that your worth is more than anyone's love. You define you. It's you who can only measure your worth. It's you who can only validate your own existence. Kaya kapag may dumating na tao sa buhay mo at hindi ka niya pinahalagahan, be brave enough to face the truth-- be strong enough to let go because you deserve the happiness that you can never earn from that person.
The next one is forgiveness. In order to fully recover from the pain, you have to forgive even if it's unfair-- even if it seems erratic. You have to know that there's a fine line between living life without hate and living life with pride. Pride will never bring you into great places. More so, the hate that it could cause you. Kaya ikaw, always choose to forgive; to live a life free from any hate on your heart.
The last one is hope amidst chance. It is true that everyone deserves a second chance to regain themselves. If you really love someone, give him a chance to prove himself again. And never ever force the hope to fade. Because if you do, that's the point where trust issues will live upon you. You don't want that to happen, kaya just enjoy the moment. Know that everything is not under your control. That pain may happen but atleast, you will live a life without regrets. Kasi binigay mo naman ng buo ang sarili mo, nagpatawad ka at hinayaan siyang bumalik, siya na lang talaga ang may kulang kung aalis pa siya.
Please, live a life where negativity can never intoxicate your sytem.
Yown!
Thank you for supporting my story! Katulad ng lagi kong sinasabi, I will always be grateful for the village of support that you are all rewarding me. You are one of the reasons why there's ink on my pen. Kaya thank you!
THANK YOU! 💙
You da best!
Two years ago, I started as no one—lost to the sea of my doubts and unsure if this path is really for me. But with you staying on my side, I became someone—someone who already found his purpose and it's to continue to inspire others through my stories. Because of you, I am way better than that newbie writer from 2019 who is so timid and harsh to his capabilities. I found my strength and confidence when you helped me find my purpose.
And for that, I am . . . forever grateful.
A simple "thank you" is not enough for me to express how grateful I am to all of you for reaching this kind of milestone in my writing career. Kahit na binabardagul ninyo ako lagi, ayos lang. Alam ko naman na sa likod ng mga pang-aasar ninyo sa akin ay haharap ang mga mukhang nakangiti, mga mukhang walang sawang magbibigay sa akin ng suporta hanggang sa huli.
Maraming salamat dahil pinili ninyo ang manatili.
Maraming salamat sa mga panahong nalito kayo kung sino nga ba ang pumatay kay Agatha; sa mga araw na hinihiling ninyo na sana ay masagip ni Margot si Marco; sa pagpapatawad at pagtanggap kay Cygny; sa lahat ng inis ninyo sa kwento ni Rafael; sa kilig sa tambalan nina Liv at Grace; sa pagod at hingal habang sinasabayan ninyo si Santhy sa pagtakbo makaligtas lang sa mga zombies; sa pawis na inilabas ninyo habang minamahal ni Lara si Boss Rustan; at sa pag-travel sa Brooklyn para sundan ang love story nina Love at Stevan.
MARAMING-MARAMING SALAMAT SA INYO.
HAPPY 50K FOLLOWERS TO US! 💙
With this, let me end this message with my favorite quote from my favorite speaker, "Sabi ng mama mo tita na lang daw ang tawag ko sayo, o sakanya. Tapos, ngayun mama ko na siyaaah. Ang tita mo noon, ngayon. Kaya pede na tayo mag sama kasi axept, axipt na tayu nila, ng mama mo sa tita ko noon. Huh?!" 🥲✨