Carter's POV
"What? Go home? No way in hell are you stepping foot on that territory." Sloan's rage was evident. I had to basically drag him to the room after Crispin and Dieter left. I could see it in his eyes, he wanted to run out there and kill them. Part of me almost let him.
'I don't mean my home.' I sighed, running my hands down my face. I was trying my best to explain to him but he was too focused on his anger to hear me. 'I mean your home.'
That stopped him in his tracks and looked at me surprised. His eyes are wide, mouth slightly open. During that conversation downstairs I had time to think.
I didn't want to run anymore.
I just want some fucking peace.
And I can't have that until I fix my past. I don't want it haunting me in the future like how it is now. It's time to put a stop to all this fucking mess and move forward.
'I just want to be done. I'm tired of playing the blame game, and the yelling. It's evident that my family is too broken to be fixed. At least not anytime soon. But I do know that UK and Uncle Tino love me. Your family loves me and welcomes me. And I need to be surrounded by that. By the good in life.'
"Okay...okay. If you truly think that's what you need to do then I'm okay with that." Sloan took a deep breath, finally calming down, and walked to me. He rested his hands on my hips and pulled me closer to him. "I just want you happy and safe. That's all I fucking want." He leaned forward. Resting his forehead on mine.
"I am happy. I am safe. With you." I whispered to him. Words seemed to find me easier these days. I hoped he heard what I was trying to say. I hope he feels the love that I have for him. How strong and intense it is. I hope he knows.
Sloan pressed his lips against mine. A feeling I don't think I'd get used to. His were smaller than mine, but goddess he knew how to work them. He pulled away too soon, leaving me buzzed. Every day I wanted more and more of him. Needing more and more of him. Soon I'm just going to take it.
"When do you want to leave?" He asked, pulling away to look me in the eyes.
'Not for a few days. I want to spend some more time with Turner and go back to the house.'
"I'm going to miss that place. It was like our own world. It brought us together." A smile covered my face as an idea popped into my head. I don't know how I didn't think of the most perfect idea sooner.
'We don't have to leave it. What if after the trip, we come back and live together?' Was I actually asking him to live with me before I told him I loved him and before we had sex? Yes, I am. And fuck am I not surprised with myself.
"You want to live together?" Disappointment hit me like a truck. I expected Sloan to jump up and down in excitement and say yes. Not ask a clarifying question...
'Well yeah. If you want to of course. I mean if you want to stay home then that's fine. We can work something out about visiting each other. But I don't want to live so close to Dieter and Crispin. But I know it's far from your family and--'
Sloan leaned forward and took my mouth in a bruising kiss. Which I could barely return because I was smiling so fucking hard. We're going to live together. Sloan pulled away and joy was evident on my man's face.
"I was going to move in regardless of you asking." Sloan teased and I rolled my eyes. But inside my heart was so huge and so full. I could barely contain myself.
Even after all the bullshit today, with seeing my parents...I was fucking happy. Sure, the conversation didn't go as planned, and it didn't make things better. But it didn't make things worse either. Honestly, I'm not in a rush to see if things change for my parents. They made their choice. They choose to live life with a sacrifice. I will not. I also don't want Sean to either.
I know I have Alpha blood, so running a pack is in my veins. But maybe I need to start my pack, or maybe this is a sign from the goddess that I am not meant to run a pack. I mean plus Sloan...Tigers are solitary creatures by nature. I wouldn't want to make things hard for him.
There's still so much to talk about.
So much to figure out.
"What's going on? You're thinking a lot right now." Sloan cupped my cheek and turned me to look up at him. I hadn't realized I wasn't looking at him anymore.
'Just all the things...so many decisions we have to make.' I sighed, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.
"You'll stress yourself out trying to figure it all out now." He leaned forward and gently kissed my forehead, and I leaned into his touch. Finding safety and comfort.
'Do you think they are being...genuine? That they actually didn't know?' I didn't need to explain myself any further, Sloan knew what I was asking.
"That's for you to decide." I could sense Sloan's hesitancy to answer which was already answered enough.
'I could feel it, downstairs. Your anger towards them. You hate them.' His gaze on me was unwavering and unashamed.
"Yes. I do. They are selfish assholes. They fucking abandoned you." His eyes flared with a bit of gold, Loren making his way to the front.
I felt Tatty whine softly at the brief look of his mate. It made my heart ache for them. Their bond was strong, nearly as strong as Sloan and I's. I can't imagine the feeling of going days on end without speaking or touching my mate. I'd have to do something about that.
'Sloan, I just want this to be over. I just want to forgive them and move on.'
"Forgive them? After everything? I understand trying to rebuild a relationship with your brother and sister, but your parents...you heard what they said right?"
At this point, Sloan and I were no longer wrapped up in each other's arms. We were standing in front of each other, both hands moving at the speed of light.
'It sounds like they didn't have a choice.'
"They had multiple choices. They could have rejected each other. They could have let you stay with Rena and Danielle, or stay and live with my dad and pops."
'It wasn't their responsibility to raise me...'
"Fuck responsibility Carter! Why am I more angry about this than you? I'm mad at fucking everyone that's hurt you...that continues to fucking hurt you. My parents included. They must've known something was happening and didn't do shit about it. And I'm mad at myself."
'Mad at yourself?' My heart broke as I finally saw all the pain in Sloan's eyes. I hadn't realized just how hard he was taking this. He has been such a strong tower for me, that I guess I forgot that he had his aches and pains too. 'You blame yourself?'
"Of course I blame myself. I left you. For two fucking years. I was too scared to face you and I left. Then when I came back...I fucking-- I brought some guy back just so I didn't think about you or try anything and it ended up hurting you."
A tear fell Sloan's cheek and I took a step to wipe it, but I stopped. It was obvious that Sloan was in distress, and had a lot of pent-up anger towards himself. And I had no idea how to help him.
'Sloan, don't. You didn't know, no one knew.'
"You're right but I saw it. I could sense it. And I choose to fucking ignore it. Had I not I could have protected you sooner."
'I wouldn't have let you.' I signed as sternly as possible. 'If you had tried to all those years ago I would have ended up hurting you. It all happened this way for a reason. So please, stop beating yourself up over something you couldn't change.'
I love you, Sloan. Not what you do for me, but for you.
I don't say it though.
"Someone needs to pay. You're too amazing to be treated that way. To have lived the way you did."
'I don't think it's a matter of someone having to pay. I think it's just what can I learn from this and how can I move forward.'
Fuck, does he not see how much he's changed me? For the better? If this was two and a half months ago, I would have been screaming and punching a tree. But no. Here I am, trying to get over it and move past it, like an actual adult. And it was all Sloan. He's the one that's helped me grow. Help each other grow.
"It doesn't make what they did right."
'That is true. But what am I supposed to do now? They realized...they somewhat apologized. But we can't go back in the past.' I sighed ran my hand down my face and quickly cracked my knuckles. My hands were getting sore from the fast movements. 'Why don't you want me to move on? Why are you so focused on this?'
"Why aren't you?" He threw the question right back at me, and honestly, I couldn't answer. Was I avoiding? Or was I actually trying to move on?
Maybe Sloan...had a fucking point.
'I don't know.'
"Listen, Carter. You may want to be all kumbaya and forgiving to get shit over with but I don't. You don't see you, the way I see you. The way your eyes downcast or you get stiff at the mention of family or seeing other families. How we rarely talk about kids, and when we do I can feel the anxiety roll off of you. You don't see all of that because you're used to it. But I do. And asking me to completely ignore the fact...and just move on? That's just unfair."
I couldn't find a response to what he had said. Because he was right. Sloan must be seeing things that I'm not and as a mate, it must tear him apart. Hurt him in ways I can't imagine.
I don't want to imagine.
Before I could even process it, Sloan walked out the door, leaving me alone in the room.
Sloan and I just had our first fight.
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Guys, they are a couple, of course, they are going to have little arguments here and there. That's life.
A lot of you have been asking how many chapters are left in this book. To be honest, I don't know. We still have a ways to go, seeing as they haven't even marked or said I love you yet. I would say we are at a halfway point...maybe.
But I did promise you A LOT of smut, and I will deliver. I just want to do it tastefully. LOL.