I drive like a bat out of hell with one hand while I hold Ash's hand with the other. I can barely keep my eyes on the road. I don't want to take my eyes off her even when her face is turned away from me. She even wants to remove her hand from mine but I hold on firmly, refusing to let go.
As a shifter and a warrior, I'm no stranger to seeing blood and mutilated bodies but seeing Ash bleed scares the hell out of me. The entire lower back of her dress and my shirt are covered with her blood and I wonder with deep fear if there's supposed to be that much blood.
Right then, I fear for my mate's life. I'm not the prayer kind of person. I don't even know how to go about it but seeing her in pain and bleeding so much, all I can do right then is drive fast and pray in my heart...
'Please, Moon goddess, save my mate's life. Save our child's life. I beg you don't make me lose them. I can't bear to lose her especially. It will kill me if I lose her now that I just found her...'
As I say the silent prayers, my mind can't help but recall everything she tearfully said to me in the cell, and I realize I'd unknowingly caused her so much pain and anguish. To think she was in prison because of me and also lost her mother in the process... Gosh!
It doesn't matter if sorcery was used on me and I had no recollection of when and how everything happened. To her, every excuse Eric gave her was a lie the moment she heard about Victoria. She said I sent her to prison because she was not good enough and then got a concubine, all in a bid to replace her. How will I ever convince her otherwise
Thinking about it now, I blame myself for what's happening right now. Not any of my team members and certainly not Eric. The fault is all mine. If I had trusted Eric and allowed him to handle everything. If I had informed him about what Kane told me and insisted he also tell me everything he knew. If I hadn't decided to wait and also look for her by myself.
A good leader listens. If I had listened to my dad and the others when they were trying to stop me from going. I wouldn't have been in that room and she wouldn't have been in this much pain, bleeding out in my car with our baby's life at stake. It might have taken two more weeks but I would have still seen her eventually.
I messed up everything. What I did seemed unforgivable but I hope she finds it in her heart to forgive me. I hope she'll give me another opportunity to love and prove myself to her.
"Ahhhhhhh..." Her painful whimper brings me out of my thoughts.
Her hand grips mine tightly as she turns her face toward me.
"It hurts, Thor! It hurt so bad! How much more time to the hospital? Moon goddess, please, I don't want to lose my baby. Please don't make me lose my baby! Please don't make me lose my baby!... Please!... Please!..." She kept saying and sobbing
It hurt to see her cry and in so much pain, knowing there's nothing I can do to ease her pain.
"We're almost there, baby. We're almost there. We won't lose our baby!" I say the last part with so much conviction but feel sad deep down in me. I'm not a doctor but the amount of blood she's losing scares the shit out of me, making me doubt my own words.
I drive fast and even run a red light. It's nothing short of a miracle that the road is free with little or no traffic right from when I left Council Yard Penitentiary. When I'm almost at the pack, I remember there's always a small traffic build-up in front of the pack's gate because of the security check.
Since I wouldn't want to wait for the traffic to be cleared. I decided to call Eric so he would quickly help clear the traffic in front of the gate before I arrived there. The moment I let go of her hand to get my phone she removes her seat belt and crouches in front of her seat, resting her head on the chair, not minding that it's badly stained with blood.
"What are you doing? You can't stay like that, it's dangerous. You need to sit down and use your seat belt!" I say alarmingly. I'm driving so fast, what if I mistakenly hurt her in that position because of that?
"No! I don't wanna sit any more! I'm not comfortable sitting. My stomach is cramping badly..."
Her painful cries make me feel more guilty and worse about myself. I don't know what it feels like to have cramps but I pretty much understand seeing the way she's crying and groaning in pain. I feel useless for not being able to do anything to ease her pain.
"I'm sorry that you're hurting. I'm so sorry for putting you through so much pain. I'm sorry about everything. I'm so sorry. I–I have no recollection of what happened to us. Had no idea I did what you said I did. Where you were. What you went through– I had no idea until when I saw you in that place..."
She keeps groaning in pain as I talk and doesn't seem as if she's listening to me
"Just hang in there, we're almost at the pack..." I say as I hurriedly put a call through to Eric's number
"Thor..." He answers on the first ring like he's been expecting my call
"Yeah, I'm on my way. I need the first gate cleared off traffic and please have Anders on standby. Ash is hurt and..."
"I know, Thor... Bear called and we're already waiting for you outside the gate with an ambulance..."
"What about Anders? Is he also there with you?"
"Yes, he is. We're waiting for your arrival...
Thor, you should..."
"God, Eric! She's hurting!..."
We both speak and stop talking at the same time. Then I wait for him to go first
"I know about Ash. Bear told me everything. I'm sorry, man..."
I nod as if he can see me.
"She's pregnant... Damn! Why am I still telling you this? Of course, you know that already!... I don't know, Eric, I just can't think straight right now."
"I understand. She's going to be fine, man. You just concentrate on the road and get here safely. Anders is the best and he will take care of her. She'll be fine..."
"But she's hurting and bleeding badly and– and I can't do anything to help her. This is all my fault. The least I could do is to help her ease her pain somehow, right?...
But, no!... All I'm doing is driving and looking like a fucking dumbass. God! I've never felt so useless in my life!" I say and end the call, angrily throwing my phone in the back seat.
I look at the passenger seat where Ash is still crouching...
"C'mon babe, it's going to be okay. I wish there was a way for me to take away, and bear this pain you're feeling. Just know that everything will be fine..."
"No! Enough of the lies! Everything is not going to be fine!..." She says forcefully. "I know I'm gradually losing my baby so stop talking to me like I'm a fool, Thor! Bleeding is not normal in pregnancy!
I read, you see. Doctor Millicent gave me a pregnancy book so I know I'm having a miscarriage.
I know the pain I'm feeling is a result of my uterus contracting to pass out blood and dead tissue and I also know that a miscarriage can’t be stopped once it starts. So don't tell me everything is going to be okay because it's never going to be!" She shouts.
I watch helplessly as she sobs hard. I'm at a loss as to what to tell her now. I badly want something I can hit. Not like a punching bag, something hard and maybe sharp that can cause serious pain. I want to put myself through as much pain as I made her go through.
Apart from Bear who I left back at Council Yard, all my team members, my dad, and my Uncles are all waiting by the gate. I park the car and they all rush toward me. The car is tinted so they can't see inside but the moment I get down to get the door for Ash, Ella gasps. I guess she's shocked by the blood I had all over my shirt.
I open the passenger door and reach inside to carry Ash but she shrinks away from me like I have some kind of communicable disease.
"Please don't touch me. I hate you!" She coldly says.