My eyes are swollen with tears. The pain in my heart that I'd unconsciously covered with scab tissue reopens and it hurts so bad. I remember everything now. How I met my mate. When I lost him to Miranda. Martha, my dear mother's death. My time in prison and finally the loss of my pregnancy. I place my hands on my belly as I think about how I will not get to carry my baby in my arms as I hoped.
Tears pour down my face as my thoughts run into each other. I cry hard for Martha, my mother. The human that loved and adopted me when I was rejected by my kind. It hurts so much because I know I will never see her again in this life. I will never be able to take care of her in her old age as I promised her. If anyone should ask right now what my greatest regret in life is, I would reply, 'Living with Martha.' I know she would still be alive if she hadn't taken me in.
I also cry about the irreversible mistake I made when I remember Lilly the witch. If I hadn't been so lackadaisical about what she told me, perhaps everything wouldn't have turned out this way for me.
If I hadn't been so stubborn. If I hadn't thought she was talking nonsense. If I hadn't thought she was delusional and crazy. I remember I even called her a candidate for the loony bin!
God, If I had been patient with her! If I had listened to her!... I keep crying and thinking to myself.
As I cry and recall our conversation that night, it suddenly occurs to me that some of the things she told me are the same as the message the seer gave Eric about Thor and me. Her warning rings out in my head as if I'm back, sitting together with her in her garden...
"Tougher days are coming ahead of you!.." She said, "Tougher days than what you've been through in the past. You have to be ready and strong for this because you're going to lose it all. Everything you hold dear to you, you will lose..."
As her words sink in, I understand and realize that this is nobody's fault. It's not my fault and it's certainly not Thor's fault. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's fate. It's beyond our control because it has been predetermined by the Moon goddess.
I finally look in Thor's direction. His head is bowed as he keeps mumbling to himself, "I'm sorry, please forgive me..." Over and over again.
Everything that happened to us is not his fault yet he blames himself. He didn't deliberately jeopardize our relationship so there's nothing for me to forgive him for.
I continue to recall the witch's words...
'If you're not strong enough then it might be the end of you but if you hold yourself strong and you're able to scale through this challenge then you'll gain everything back in many folds!'
I sure can't allow myself to continue dwelling on the past so I stop crying, repeating the witch's words to myself...
'If I hold myself strong then I'll gain everything back in many folds!'
Thor told me my dream was a vision of what would happen in the future. I still recall the dream/vision vividly and how happy I was in it. If that dream was indeed a vision then the witch was right about me gaining everything back in many folds. Everything except Martha.
Even though I know I need to go see the witch again since I have a lot of questions to ask her about my wolf and to ask if she can still help prepare my body for her. I know I can't do that right away. I have to let Thor know everything is okay and that I don't blame him for anything. Not even what happened between him and Victoria. I was totally out of his memory then so how can I blame him for that?
I don't even blame Victoria... Anyone might see her as a love rival but I don't see her that way. What happened between her and my mate wasn't what she really wanted, circumstances pushed her to it.
Although I've not known her for long, I feel some kind of connection with her. I miss our friendship. I wouldn't have known she blamed herself for my miscarriage if she hadn't talked to herself and apologized while she thought I was sleeping.
It's not right that she shoulders the blame for what is clearly not her fault. I should reach out to her to let her know I don't blame her for anything. I like her and would really like for us to continue our friendship.
"Thor..." I call softly and he raises his head to look at me. I see his eyes are red like he's trying to hold back his tears.
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me, babe." He said the words he'd been mumbling to himself out louder, his voice also heavy with emotions.
"No, babe! No!..." I scoot over to his side to hold his hands in mine.
"My love, this is not your fault! There's absolutely nothing for me to forgive you about! I threatened to leave you before because I didn't understand the whole story. Now that I do, I want you to know that I'm not blaming you."
"You– you're not!?..." He asks with surprise. "But you were so upset just now. You cried so hard..."
"Yes, I was upset but not with you, baby... I cried because I missed Martha. I will never see her again, you understand... I also cried because of our baby. I won't get to hold him in my arms as I yearned.
But even as I cried, I understood that everything that had happened to us so far had been predetermined by Moon goddess. I don't blame you so please don't blame yourself..."
His face slowly transforms and he smiles. He holds my face with his two hands to look into my eyes.
"Thank you for understanding. I love you, babe." He says as he places his lips on mine. We kiss passionately for some time before he pulls away and laughs
"It's over! Finally! We're finally going to be together! God, I'm so happy right now! It's really over! I'm so relieved! Thank you! I love you so much, Ash!..." He continually says in-between raining kisses all over my face.
"I promise that when you're strong enough, I'm going to give you as many babies as you want. How does having twins for a start sound to you?" He asks and I laugh. I'm so happy I'm almost bursting with joy.
It's finally over! "Okay. Having twins sounds great but I would still like to go to college and graduate first. I don't want to be that uneducated Luna."
"Anything you want is fine by me baby. Anything you want is what we will do." He replies, his face almost splitting in half with his bright smile.
"Oh, here comes Eric and Ella," He says and I turn to my left to look in the direction he's pointing at. We stand up from the bleachers to walk towards them.
They're also smiling
"Finally!.." Eric says as they approach where we're standing. "I'm happy for you guys. I swear both of you combined can't be happier than I am right now."
"Thank you..." I say and we hug each other
"It's been a long day but it turns out to be the happiest day ever afterall," Ella says
"Yes, it is Ella. Thank you!"
I leave Thor's hand and excitedly grab her's...
"Ella, do you have Victoria's number? Can you please call her to come over to..."
"Wait, babe, call Victoria over for what!?" Thor interrupts me. He's obviously not pleased with the idea.
I kinda already suspected he won't feel happy about me having Victoria over but I won't give in to him on that.
"Babe, regardless of what happened, Victoria is still my friend and I'd like to keep it that way," I say to him before turning back to Ella who also looks like she isn't pleased about my request like her Alpha
"Ella, you're also my friend as Victoria is my friend so how about we have a slumber party, hmm? I've always wanted to attend one ever since I heard some girls talking about it. Then I don't have a friend, now that I do, please say yes!" I say with my arms wrapped around her, as we walk away from Thor and Eric.