"Did you know that dad was hospitalized? He suffered from a heart attack." I smiled. And thought I felt miserable seeing his eyes watch me with pity, I continued.
"I thought I would lose him." my voice cracked. "He's the only one I have. I'll never understand if he'll take me. And you know what I realize?"
He tried to wipe my tears but I did it before he could even do it.
"I realized that there are more people out there who needs me. That sometimes, there are pain that don't deserve bearing. That sometimes, there are battles that don't have to have a loser to have a winner. There are battles that need no winners and quitters because sometimes, they're just on the wrong battles. "
I watch his blood shot eyes. I smiled lightly and that's sincerely from the pit of my heart.
"I didn't give you up. I was just in the wrong fight." I smiled while my lips are trembling.
"Don't give me riddles and shits, Jade. Tell me straight." he said angrily.
My arms ached and our noses almost stick together because we’re too close.
"Tell me if you still love me. That's all I want to hear from you."
Tears fell like crazy. I can hear his heavy breathing and the loud beating of his heart. Here we are again. Here I am again falling into the traps he gives me.
"I love you, Erato. I-I love you so damn much." I cried. I palmed his jaw and I felt how it calmed as I caress it lightly.
"Then what happened to Jade who doesn't know how to quit huh? What?" he whispered. I'm a tire mess. In his actions even in his word.
"You told me that. I'm not forgetting it. So what's with all these huh? Why are you giving up?"
"I'm a fool when it comes to you, yes. But if you're destined with someone else, I would respect the divine for deciding that."
"Fuck the divine." he cursed. "You're my home, Jade. You're the only one I could go to." His voice cracked.
My heart sank deeper. Of all the complexity, he is the most. I can't understand him, but with his tone, his warm breath, the beating of his heart, it seems like we're meeting at the both ends.
"No Erato. You stop giving me that." My lips trembled. I wish he knew what his words meant to me.
"Didn't you refuse daddy's offer to you? Now you're having a hard time, why do you want me not to let you go? It hurts for me, Erato. But it hurts more if I insist all this, knowing that I don't stand a place in your heart, " I said.
He closed his eyes tightly. I felt his grasp tightened as he's looking like he's having a hard time thinking.
"Why are you here? After you refuse, what's all this for? I can't understand everything, Erato. Let me understand." I beg.
Even if I wanted to touch my lips to his I couldn’t. As long as it hurts me to see him so weak in my eyes. He didn't seem to want me to step on him, he seemed to be having a hard time with what was happening.
"You said we're not lost right? We're just trying to hide and escape." I added. "I'm with you, Erato. I'll understand you if you explain to me. Why? Why do you still want me to cling to you?"
It took him some time to let out some heavy breathing. I calm him down with my caresses, but nothing seems to change. He's trying to control himself through me, I can't understand what he wants to convey.
"I'm a fucktard, Jade. I'm an asshole." he said emphatically.
I sighed. He had said it before.
"I love you because you chose to be the man you want to be. Either you’re stupid or asshole, all parts of you are very dear to me."
That made him open his eyes, when he saw me I smiled at him. He leaned to kiss me, I think. But he stopped. I look at him, confused. He gritted his jaw and held my wrist. I was amazed at what he did pulling on me.
"W-where are we going? Will you take me home?" I asked.
He answered me before he closed the door of the shotgun seat.
"I'll show you how much of an asshole I am." he said.
I was stunned the whole trip. I no longer attempted to speak because I was also shocked by tonight’s events. I was just crazily dancing at the bar and now I'm with him.
I looked in the side mirror, I saw the car was gone. He lost my bodyguard, again. Maybe he was too used to not having his bodyguards. He has no problem with these things at all. In the middle of the flight I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep.
The next awakening of my eyes was the moderate darkness of a room. I saw myself in the mirror above. With a headache, my eyes wandered. There's a single chair at the corner of the room.
My eyes wandered again to the other side and saw a small round coffee table. The light is making me sleepy and making my sight blurry. I almost can't recognize things.
Where am I? I looked up to the mirror at the ceiling again and saw the reflection of myself. The silk duvet and other bed necessities reflect so clearly. I just realized that the interior of this place has a hint of Victorian interior or something. My thoughts stopped when I saw a figure of a man from the mirror getting nearer. He stopped when he reached the end of the bed.
Slowly, I fixed my head to level the man. I was astounded. Seeing Erato half naked, wearing only his jeans, flaunting his broad body. His hawk eyes like fixed into me. It speaks thousand of words and ending up in few words to conclude. In my view there is only one answer to all the questions in my mind.
"W-why are we here?"
I finally spoke in a way of whispering. My hoarse voice is almost unrecognizable. His jaw protruded when I asked. He's looking mad like he always does. He put his hands at the bed and the perfect curves and depths of his arms showed up. I closed my mouth just because I think I'm looking like a fool gawking at him so much.
"I told you. I'll show how bad I can be." he uttered.
I breathed long, trying not to make him hear the sound of my insides breaking down.
"Let's see if you can still tell me you love me then."
I felt my heart jumped in hundreds of emotions I couldn't fathom. I'm not sure about all my thoughts but I feel as if something has torn inside me. It seems like I know what he's trying to say, and I'm not even having any thoughts of declining him. In fact, I wanted to put myself into this test he's trying to give me. Because I know this is his shallowness, this is him and I'm not afraid to see this side of him.
"Then show me how bad it can be." I uttered under my breath. His eyes darkened more.
"Be careful of the words you utter."
"Show me. Show me the worst part of you." I lifted my chin up and showed him that I'm not afraid of anything, yet my tears are making my sight blurry.