"Erato, what the hell !?"
I forcefully withdraw my hand from him. Even though I was almost paralyzed with extreme dizziness he still mercilessly dragged me into the dark parking lot.
"I'm dizzy as fvck! God! Let go of me!"
I screamed and felt my stomach grumbling once again. I could barely see around. The next thing that happened was I went to get the evil out of my stomach. I almost knelt on the pathway while throwing up like there's no tomorrow.
"Fucking shit!" I still sigh after the pathetic vomiting.
I heard him uttering harsh words but I'm not sane anymore. My focus was to bring this all out. I ended up kneeling on the concrete but I could feel the pain of him holding my arms to support me and not fall into my vomit.
I was too dizzy. My lids are falling but my mind still wants to face him. I wanted to ask him questions. Why is he here? Why does he have to show up while I'm in the process of forgetting him?
"Not here, let’s get inside my car." he said to me as I leaned softly against the wall.
"Bullshit. Move on from what?"
I talked to myself. If this is a dream, I would want to wake up. Seeing him at this moment seems so impossible. I don't think I can see him like this. Not by chance that I was weak in his eyes.
"Let go," I mumbled and shrug his hands away.
I even tripped because of the loss of balance. I can see how he tripped over what I did. He even wiped his face as a sign of extreme annoyance.
"Why are you here?" I pointed to his chest. "Your fiancé just let you go out and drag some woman out here?" I almost spat because of how bitter I sound.
"Why? Huh? Because if I'm your fiance, I'll lock you in the house and I will never allow you to just drag someone here." I look at his chest. I can't look straight in his eyes.
The effect of liquor ain't enough to give me courage. Is that really so? No matter how brave you are, when it comes to love you are cowardly. No matter how arrogant you are, when you find your match you will shrink.
"I'll take you home." he simply told me as if he had heard nothing.
"No!" I wiped his hand again. "Answer my question. Why are you here and why did you try to kill that man-"
"Olivia called me and told me to pick you up here. She said you were so drunk and they couldn't control you anymore." he insisted.
I was stunned by his face. I haven't seen him in almost two months. Now even though I am addicted to alcohol the image of him is still very clear in my eyes. I just stopped staring at him when I felt my throat get clogged.
I laughed raw, "Wow. Thank you huh?" I looked down and brushed my messy hair with my fingers.
"You see? I'm fine. I hope you just let me-"
"And what?" he cut my words.
"Let yoou go with that coward? Bullshit. Do you know what he's going to do to you next?"
My lips parted. I wasn't aware about it earlier. I'm too drunk to even realize that but now, of course I know what the guy will do to me. The horror registered late thinking that I'm gonna lose my virginity to some stranger out there. And because I would not be able to step on my meager pride, something else came out of my mouth.
"Of course, I knew! That's why I came here right? What's so new about that? Isn't that what you do every time? Pick up girls you want and bed them,It's only one night, isn't it- "
No words came out of me after. I almost choked with my own words when he punched the wall just beside my face. I seemed to suddenly wake up in a trance, few bottles of liquor didn’t do the jutice. I could see how violently his chest was rising and falling. His neck was red and his glaring eyes were focused on me. I didn't even realize that I'm trying not to breathe anymore. I'm so scared. I'm just so scared seeing him like this.
"Yeah. Isn't that stupid? I'm the whore of the two of us. Don't you know that? You've always loved me even though I'm like this!"
I avoided his gaze. I didn't know it was like this as well. No matter how much you know about the person, you still have a lot to know. But only one also dominates me now. That no matter how scared I felt for him, it was only a little compared to my love for him and that part was even more frightening. I nodded slowly, without meeting his eyes. I couldn't answer him. I feel like I'll break down if I do. I just keep on nodding. I just realized I was crying when I felt the grain of tears on my hands.
"Yeah. Y-you're right. I'm sorry." I said calmly.
"Come home, I have my d-driver with me."
“You will run away from me again?"
My chest clenched at his simple words.
"Why Jade? You've given up? You don't want to? You’re quitting?"
But even with the amount of emotions and feelings you can feel, you can also drown sometimes. You'll get into the point where you can be overwhelmed or empty. These are the times when you feel more secure if you feel sick. Because now, it’s just full of numbness.
"Quit?" I blinked my tears away. He watched my tears come down to my cold cheeks.
"Quitting is for winners. How can I give up if you haven't been mine?" I chuckled.
My heart is like a roll of paper. Crushed and fragmented. Here again are his eyes almost pleading. His eyes give me hope. Hope that is, I know, so far out of reach. That is the truth. Where do I have the right to give up if I am not part of the fight? Because for me, winning is for him to be mine.