Viviane
I felt such a strong eagerness to touch that face, but I restrained myself, for in addition to how wrong it would be, I still had the fact that he was quite bruised. Instead of touching his face, I touched his arm, trying to wake him up.
" Felipe " I called softly, so as not to scare him. " Felipe..."
He began to open his eyes slowly, his gaze bewildered.
"Do you live?"
"We've arrived. Let's get down," I called him delicately, already getting ready to open the door and turn around in the car to help him.
He then took my arm, preventing me from going with what I intended. I stared at him, wondering with my eyes what he wanted to say.
"I'm sorry," he said.
I pretended not to understand what he was actually apologizing for and changed the course of the conversation.
"I'm the one who needs to apologize. You wouldn't have had to get into a fight if it wasn't for my sake."
He looked at me intently, even though one of his eyes was practically closed by the swelling. I believe he realized what I had done.
"You're not to blame for anything. The only culprit was that idiot, who tried to force a situation when you were making it pretty clear that you weren't interested."
"Still, I'm so upset by what happened."
"Unfortunately, there are still many men out there who don't know how to take a no. But let's give thanks for not having anything more serious happen " His expression was very serious, and he looked very upset also by what happened.
"Shall we go in?" I called once more.
He was still holding onto my arm and I pretended not to notice that he was also stroking him as he seemed to do so without even realizing it. As I looked towards the place, implying that I wish he would stop, he quickly let go of me, a look of apology to me.
" Vivi, we need to talk" he spoke in a restrained tone. " I say talk even, solve our pending issues. We live in the same house, I don't think it's cool the way we're living together."
"I don't see any problem," I said stubbornly.
"We have to think about Sarah, it's not good for her in this tense atmosphere between us."
Hearing this, I felt trembling inside. He was worried about Sarah! I had already been following how attentive and kind he was to my daughter, even if I was not together in these moments, but Marta and Isabela made a point of emphasizing his love for Sarinha. But hearing him talk about her, the affection with which he spoke, made me sensitive to him.
" So you intend to stay even longer here, in São Paulo? " I had to ask what had been bothering me for days.
"I have no intention of going back to New York anytime soon. I have some very important things to deal with here and I only come back when everything is in its proper place. Something I should have done a long time ago, but now I won't postpone."
He spoke looking intensely at me, his body getting closer and closer to mine, I don't know if unconsciously, and I moved more towards the car door, seeking to put more space between us.
" João Pedro and I talked about it and decided to move out of the mansion. Let's look for a place of our own. So you have nothing to worry about" I let go of at once.
There was no reason for me to do anything hidden, after all.
"You can't do that!"
"Not only can we, but we'll do it as soon as João Pedro returns from traveling."
"Don't do that, Vivi. I don't want to stay away from you again," he spoke with a mournful look.
I tried not to be affected by those words and called him once more to get into the mansion, getting out of the car quickly and waiting for him by the hitchhiker's door. Regardless of what I was feeling, I needed to help him after all.
He got out of the car with some difficulty, although an X-ray was done and thank God he did not have any fractured ribs, he seemed to feel pain because he had his hand in this region of the body.
When we got in front of his bedroom door, I stopped, deciding whether to walk in with him or leave him there, but hearing the slight groan of pain he gave at that moment, I decided it wasn't the time to think about the past and walked in with him.
Seeing that I had some clothes on top of the bed, as well as the laptop and some papers, I packed everything up and left him ready to lie down while he was in the bathroom.
He got out of there a few minutes later, and I asked if I was in need of anything more, when he sat on the edge of the bed.
"I wanted to talk to you," he insisted.
"Let's do this when you're better, we have this conversation, okay?"
I didn't really intend to do that, I was just putting it off, since I didn't want to argue about it at that hour, after the events of the night.
"Vivi, I know you're not going to let your guard down at another time and I need to enjoy the now. I will no longer postpone what I have to say to you" His conviction was visible in his features and I was already prepared to leave the room and leave him talking alone, when I heard him say, "I love you, Vivi."
I immediately stopped the movement towards the exit door of the room and my heart even failed a beat, I'm sure. I think my expression denounced me because he repeated.
"I said exactly what you heard. I love you, Vivi, and I don't intend to spend another day without making my feelings for you clear. I've wasted a lot of time, and I don't want to go on without the woman in my life."
I didn't really know what to say. I couldn't even think! There was a time when I dreamed of these words coming from the mouth of João Felipe, but I no longer expected it, because he had taught me not to expect anything from him.
He tried to get up and at the visible effort he was making, I raised my hand at a stop sign.
"No need to get up, João Felipe. Whether you stand or sit, my decision won't change."
"Vivi, I made a lot of mistakes with you, I screwed things up between us, but I intend to redeem myself from everything, day after day I will show you that I am speaking the truth! I've never been able to engage with anyone as you've always been in my thoughts."
" It's too late " I just spoke, trying to make him stop, because with each sentence I said, the more my heart suffered because they were the words I dreamed so much to hear, but at the wrong time. " I'm married to João Pedro and we have a family."
I didn't say we had a daughter, specifically, because I didn't want to get into that lie any further.
"I don't feel the truth in what you say, Vivi. There is something that does not fit into this story and I am willing to do anything to win back your love, I will do whatever it takes so that we can live our story, this time in the right way, as it should have been from the beginning."
I thought about denying it again, but I didn't have the strength to express what I was supposed to say. For what I should and what I really wanted to talk about, were totally opposite things and it was not fair to João Pedro, much less to myself, that at the slightest sign of Felipe's regret, I would simply throw myself into his arms and forgive years and years of contempt on his part.
He had his chance and squandered it. I couldn't risk breaking my face again, because now I had a person who was more important than anything, Sarah, and I wouldn't put my daughter in the middle of it all, not sure of the results.
Faced with this, I simply turned around and practically ran out of Felipe's room, leaving him without a word more on my part. I'm a big coward and I made that very clear today.