Sinclairs pov
Fuck it hurts as hell, it burns, it literally feel like a mild seizure just sitting here watching him leave, i want to believe so bad that its all a lie, but there were actual photos, proof, nothing beats proof goddamit, he turns his back at me, but halt as he elevator door opens.
“ I love you, just know that, and it was genuine” he said then walked out into the elevator , bending my head so I didn't get to see his eye as he walked out, the elevator door closed, same with my heart, as the glass fell from my trembling hands.
Fuck my world crumbles,as i fall to the foor, my vision blurr with tears, i shouldn’t feel much pain, i shouldn’t this pain , if i wasnt swayed ,i wouldnt be affected, damn how did i get here, how did I get to this point of crying over the pain in my heart.
This pain i had sworn i would never feel in my life, how was i so stupid to be in this position ones more , my hand held that very spot that won't stop pounding as i felt it constrict, the liquor did nothing, his presence did everything,
My phone buzzes, looking at it, it's a header for a news, ‘ martins isn't the same man who showed up at the wedding’ boldly written, fuck how do i face this, how do i face the world, we had just announced our relationship to the public few days ago and now…
Fuck i hate my life, i hate myself i hate everyone, love isnt for me, and i know that now, i should have known earlier i wasn’t meant to love or be loved, i should have known that the word fall wasn’t suppposed to be before love.
it was all a sign that it was a game of luck, and only the lucky come out with less bruise and I am not among the lucky , never was i never would i be.
The day Luke died, we were both going on a car cruise, damn i was so young, so vibrant and full of life, of hope that one day just one day i would make adorable babies with the man beside me, but all came to a halt when i heard the screeching noises of tires , and that as all the last time i saw him.
The last time i felt hope, the doctors found with a ring box in his pocket, but his hips were no intact , his spine was broken, and if he wasn’t threatened in every right way, he wouldn't be the same Luke i knew , that was all i heard, but i never saw him again, he left me to bear the burden of two souls in love with no last word or last wises.
I should have known then that love wasn't for me, but then brandon shows up, another broken soul who wasn't as lucky as those who fall in love with little bruises, but he was a little bit full of life when he met me, he had hopes of moving on even though he never did.
Till the day he took his last breath with a picture of her on his chest, I was never in his heart, that I knew of, he whispered her name in his sleep, and dreamed of her, and hoped they met soon, and now they were together, full of love.
Love favoured him, but never does to people who beg to be fully embraced in its bossom, i thought i had found a life i missed, one where everything felt and looked animated, it felt real, i thought it was real, fuck my heart burns, its hurts so much, why now?, my heart can’t take this anymore.
I don't know how long i sat there but my legs are numb, my eye weighed its own burden, and the stench of scotch filled the air, i need to stand up from here, at least, looking back at my phone, i have missed tons of call, messages and emails, they can all go to hell.. But hold on.
“ how does heartbreak feel sinclair, you thought you had it all, the fame, money, and a good sex life, but martins is mine and he doesn't love you, and just so you know we were never friends, and never will be’
Sender klinda
Her message made me shrug my shoulders , her courage to send this, she must have had quite the nerve to be open about her relationship with martins, how long has it been going on under my watch, there was never a change in character, no trace.
Looking at the message, reading it all over again, my heart felt heavy, i fear it might stop anytime soon, never have i felt this low to be trampled upon, a familiar an unexpected number pops on my hobs , its nessa, she said she would never call again, why the sudden change of mind?.
“ just so you know, i did not call you because i miss you, i am coming back home so brace yourself” she said then ended the call immediately, stunned i let my phone drop to the floor
***********************************
Nessa walks into the living roo, her eyes surveyed the premises, i can't let her know i have gone back taking liquor, as i wash the scent off me, cleaning the floor of the stench it once had “ welcome” i said in a whisper, she rolls her eyes, “ you don't need to act strong before me, i know you love him, and you literally feel worse than i did” she said tossing her bag on the chair, that was all she brought.
Short of words, I just stared at her to settle in, “ yes, I saw the news, don't look at me that way, and I am here because I want to save his broken heart, at least his heart is too precious to be broken, not yours,” she says.
I still don't say anything just watch her talk as anxiety finds its way in my heart, what does she have to say, i just want to believe he's right, and linda's wrong but she is the one with prof and he has nothing but spoken words..
“ you know if it were someone else, i wouldn't even waste my time, but martins called me up telling me he literally going to die if you don't show you the truth so here it is” she show me the tablet which i had not let my eye off since she entered.
“ its what i call behind the scene”