••• Cinzel •••
A strong light fell upon my face, waking me from my deep slumber, indicating I still haven’t received my last moment and still exist in this momentarily torment where things were slipping out of my hands and I was losing what I cherished the most.
But these vague talks are meaningless now.
“Argh…”
Blinking, I looked around to find myself In a hospital’s room and warm hands over mine. The throbbing pain in my body hardened it, indicating my body has been lying here for too long.
“Where… am I?”
Trying to make my surroundings, I looked up with my unclear vision at Prince sitting beside me.
His eyes were closed, sleeping while holding my hand, his head was resting on the bed and his appearance told me the stress took a drastic toll on his health.
With a muffled sound, I moved my hand as he woke up gradually.
“P.. Prince…” I called him softly but it was enough for his eyes to flutter open and stare at me with dejection.
“Cinzel?” He called me, getting up immediately.
Humming in response, I held his arm. Not removing my eyes from him. When my weak eyes met his tensed orbs, it gave me a terrible presage.
“Cinzel, Oh thank God you are awake.” He whispered, securing his arms around me, losing his breath.
“Prince?.. Zaniel… he.. He..” I tried to speak but Prince stopped me.
“I know.. I know. We are searching for him,” He assured, removing the hairs from my face, tugging them behind my ear and kissing my cheeks tenderly.
“How long have I been here?” I asked in a low tone after observing the tons of medical instruments around me.
“You were in a coma for five months.” He told me sadly.
Tracing his fingers from the sides of my face to my cheeks, cupping them, stroking them with his thumb gently to soothe my disquiet form.
“Five…” I mumbled but the sudden realization hit me.
“Five then.. I must be in my seventh month.. But.. There’s no difference… I feel no- Don’t tell me.. Prince… Tell me.. It’s a lie.. Isn’t it?.. He can’t do this… everything is fine… isn’t it, Prince?... Prince... Prince!” I called him, clutching his arm with my both hands tightly with tears blinding my vision due to unbearable pain.
Fastening the bolts of anguish delicately to break my beyond repair, cracking my heart terribly to bring tears in my eyes, calling him helplessly, “Prince please! Prince-”
“The baby died right at the moment you got shot.” He blurted out what I was dying to deny from the bottom of my heart.
“Prince..!”
To resist the horrific sensation, the delusion I told myself began to scatter in the form of salty water around my eyes.
He pulled me in his embrace as I began to sob.
“Why?!” I cried, hiding my face in his arms.
It affected my mind badly with uncontrollable tears rolling down my cheeks. I let out the destruction of my heart with loud wails before passing out once again.
“Cinzel, Are you okay?” This time Nathaniel called me.
I looked at him with a devoid face as he hugged me, “I am so glad to see you awake, I am so worried about you.” He whispered, taking me in his arms.
“Mama…” I then heard Sky calling me, Pulling away a little, I held my arms to her. I motioned Nathaniel to help her sit beside me.
I hugged her, putting my face on her shoulder, holding her close to my heart, “I missed you so much, Mama.” Sky whispered, wrapping arms around me.
“Mama loves you, you know it, don’t you?” I whispered.
She nodded, putting her hand over mine, “I love you too.”
My lips began to quiver with tear pricking again as I began to cry again. “Mama, please don’t cry.”
“I am sorry, I am so sorry..” I began to sob once again, the affliction adhered to my feet like shackles are drowning me in misery.
“Why are you sorry?” She asked, her voice also cracked up as I began to cry, hugging her.
Prince and Nathaniel rubbed my back to soothe me but to no avail. Those might be a few months but it meant the world to me.
The very moment was enough to attach my heart with my unborn child then two months were like forever. It… it didn’t even have a proper shape.
“Hey, it’s gonna be alright, Don’t cry.” Nathaniel whispered, patting my shoulder to console me.
After taking out the woe of my heart, my eyes were exhausted, fallen from light, the weight of my chest began to slump on me.
What sins that little unborn life had that this monster killed?
Nathaniel took Sky out, leaving me and Prince alone, I looked up at him, taking his hand, his eyes were on the brink of deterioration, urging to burst what’s inside his heart.
“Prince…” I called him, turning to him.
“Cinzel.” He called me with extreme difficulty, not even daring to meet my gaze.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He whispered, bending on the ground, taking my hand and putting it over his forehead after kissing my knuckles.
Hairs falling on his face concealed his emotions, narrowing my eyes at him.
I opened my mouth to ask what happened but he continued, “I will die without you.”
My eyes widened for a second when his voice came out broken, sensing my hands getting wet, I leaned down, removing his hairs, realizing I saw him crying for the first time.
He had tears glistening like crystals in the corner of his eye, his posture was finally shattered, the facade he put up to form a perfect image melted before the power of his despondency.
The rough path ended up in his defeat, losing his destination whose way he was seeking all this time.
“Prince..” I called him softly, lifting his face but the tear dwell in his eyes began to spill out, bending before me, he let out the ravage of his heart.
“I am sorry… I am so sorry.” He whispered, putting his head on my lap.
Tears streamed down his face, unable to cope with the destructive conditions, always stealing something he treasures deeply from me.
“I am so sorry that you have a pathetic guy like me in your life.”
He cried, holding my hands, interwinding his fingers, hoping to convey sanctuary in my shade to run away from this trepidation.
“Prince, what are you saying? It’s not your fault.” I whispered, running my free hand in his hair, hoping to hammer his mental breakdown but to no avail.
“It is! It’s all my fault. I failed to do my duty. I failed to protect you, I failed to save you from this dark life, I.. I.. wanted to give smiles but all I gave you was nothing but pain and tears.”
“I wanted to help you savor innocence but I made you a depraved soul, I failed to do my every job! I failed to protect our child, I am worthless!” He sobbed, cracking my heart.
“I don’t even deserve you, I can’t do anything for you, please forgive that you have a nugatory man like me in your life who can’t give you anything. Please Forgive me for being such a trivial man…”
He let out the heartbreaking holding in his chest far too long in my embrace, his voice echoed in the room, grasping me as his last source of salvation.
“Prince, that’s not it. You tried your best.”
“No, I didn’t! I am insignificant, I couldn’t do anything. I.. I wanted to keep you happy, to become the reason for your smile. I want to live with you in a faraway land, I want to have a happily ever after with you.”
The rhythm of ruthlessness was broken and he was weak, crying his heart out.
“What crimes have I committed that I have loved you ever since your eighteenth birthday? That I wanted to protect you even if it cost me my life? All I ever wanted was to live with you, your love but I ended up evoking fright in you.”
Soaking my dress with his tears of heartbreak, invoking pain in me as well to see him like this
“I always do things wrong, nothing really happens that I wanted. I couldn’t be a great Father, Brother or a lover. I can’t do anything right…”
He continued to let out the distress of his heart, sobbing continuously. I have never seen him crumble before, he can’t let go of this misery anymore.
Shifting, he held my midsection, crying, “You were right, let’s just run away from this all. I can’t take it anymore. Let’s run away and never return. Let’s leave… please… I can’t take it anymore. Please take me away from his abhorrence, Let’s run away Cinzel.”
The thundering sound induced unmanageable dolor, slipping through my fingers and creating his sculpture, turning to dust eventually by the weight of raze.
“Prince, don’t cry. Everything is fine, I am here with you, we will leave this, hang on a little longer, I am with you. Shh…we have to move forward.” I whispered, putting my head over his.
Grasping him in my arms so he might not fall apart before it’s too late and I lose him. Kissing the top of his head, I tried to hush him but he didn’t stop until his eyes got tired and were unable to produce more tears.
“I am sorry, I am sorry. I am sorry.” He repeated those words like a mantra, placing the blame upon himself.
Inflicting the unsettling night on his domain to hurt himself more but I can’t let this happen, It has happened, we have to move forward.
“Hey, Hey, It’s not your fault, you did everything you could, you saved me at the last moment. If it wasn’t for you, I would be dead too..” I whispered, cupping his cheeks, forcing him to meet my teary eyes.
Connecting our devastation, the agony was the same but before him, I was trying to control mine yet a tear rolled down our cheeks simultaneously.
“I love you, Cinzel, I love you so much, I cannot imagine my life without you. I don’t care about anything, I just want you.” He said breathlessly.
Clutching me desperation, clinging onto me as his last support as I gladly accepted his plea, “I love you too, Nothing can part us.”
Bringing his hand in the air, I entwined my fingers with his to fasten the lingering thread to make it one and share tears, enclasped in each other's heartbeats, providing equanimity in this time of need.
“I am with you, we will prevail this together and live away from this repugnant life.” I whispered, attaching my forehead with his.
Sniffing, he nodded, tightening his grip over my hands, “We will but…”
“But?” I asked, opening my eyes and looking at him, speaking of his last crime for what I won’t stop him, even encouraging him.
“But we won’t, until I kill him right before you.”
Closing my eyes, I put my head on his shoulder weakly, whispering as these two words were not mine but my prayer turning frivolous.
If it was me, I would stop Prince but the life of my baby was too precious to me and I would never forgive him for stealing it away from me.
“Do it.”