BEN
A look of fear flashes across her face. She levels me with a stare that shows she’s trying to control her temper. It’s unfair that I have to watch her kiss other guys under the guise of it being part of the job.
“You are just making up scenarios that don’t exist,” she says. “Your job doesn’t even require it, Benny.”
“But your job does...” I twist my hands so hard they ache. She doesn’t get it. “...and I don’t like it, Gracie.”
Various emotions flicker on her face. She opens and closes her mouth twice without saying a word. The third time, she murmurs, “You asked me to trust you when Elena was involved, right?” I did. And I’ve established boundaries at the office, at school too. For fuck’s sake, she’s my screensaver, I wear my ring. They know I belong to Gracie. “So, can you please trust me on this one? It’s just a job, babe.”
“Babe, it’s not the same.” Gracie stomps her feet in annoyance. I grit my teeth. She’s not the only one getting frustrated by this conversation. I should have kept shut about it. “What happens if they ask you to do more? Or a scene requires someone else touching you in only the way I should, huh?”
“It was just a kiss, Benny. You’re overthinking it.” I ball my fists in my pockets to hide the evidence of my annoyance. She grabs the pizza and shoves it into the fridge. I’m too angry to eat anyway. Her chest rises and falls as she takes calming breaths. She leans on the fridge for support. “They don’t make out in plays. And that kiss was last minute.”
My head bobs. Hurt knots around my throat. I hope she reciprocates this same energy if I’m ever forced into an uncomfortable situation. But I will never ever put myself into a position that will upset her.
I steal a look at Gracie and my heart constricts. Her chin is squared in defiance. She is not getting it and she doesn’t want to understand my point of view.
It’s not just about the kiss anymore. It could be a kiss today, then something more intimate tomorrow.
“I’ll remind you about this if I get a job that requires me to kiss another woman.” She gasps in shock but I’m not done. If the rule applies to me, it should also apply to her. I love her and other men can’t kiss her. “You told me there was no kissing scene, Gracie.”
That part hurts more. Maybe I would have been able to prepare myself for the kiss or skipped the play entirely. I don’t know. Tears cloud Gracie’s eyes, she pushes away from the fridge but doesn’t close the gap between us. I’m not sure I want her to close it.
“Stop shouting at me,” she mutters weakly.
“Well, you fucked up,” I whisper. We glare at each other for a long painful minute and a tear rolls down her cheek. My annoyance flickers. I don’t like it when we fight but I’m not willing to look past this for the sake of peace. I move closer to her and she steps back. Gracie is my life and I love her but I’m not happy. She can’t make this go away by getting angry at me. “You lied to me. I’m not comfortable with you kissing your fellow cast members.”
“I don’t go about ‘kissing’ my fellow casts.”
“Well, you did today.”
Barely concealed anger flares in her eyes. She juts a finger at me. “I don’t like you so much right now, Ben.”
“I don’t like you so much right now, Tessa.”
Hurt flashes across her face, Gracie storms off to her room and slams the door shut for added effects. She hasn’t slept in her room since forever. I stare at the spot she stood and pull my hair from the roots.
Fuck. Now, what?
I don’t want her to give up on her dreams of acting but I don’t want to be uncomfortable when watching her. Am I being selfish? I don’t think so. I brush my hand through my scattered hair. I guess I have to go and apologise, so we can try and talk about this.
Gracie’s door is locked. I twist the knob and try to jerk it open. “Babe, please open up.” My fist meets the door in rapid knocks. No movements from inside. But I know she’s in there. “Gracie. Please.”
Tired of knocking, I make my way down to the gym. Running on the treadmill helps to calm me. A fierce round of punching on the punching bag gets the residue anger out of my system. Minutes later, I return upstairs, mind clearer, body sweaty and eyes stinging with sweat. Another visit to my girlfriend’s room yields nothing. She won’t open the damn door.
I knock harder than the first time. “Gracie, please.” I’m hungry. I’m tired. It’s not normal for us to sleep apart. And I can’t eat without her knowing she’s in her room, hungry. She hasn’t eaten either. We both need food. I knock again. “Come out, let’s talk.”
Nothing. No response. Hungry and angry, I storm into the bathroom for a shower. We promised we wouldn’t go to bed angry at each other but I guess promises are meant to be broken. I stagger out of the bathroom and lean on the door for support.
I hate this.
Hunger sinks its claws into my stomach but I force myself to the wardrobe to get a change of clothes. A groan catches in my throat as my body hits the bed. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at her. I bring out my phone, my fingers hover on the call button but I don’t dial her number, rather I send her a simple text
Me: Goodnight, Gracie. I love you.
After minutes of tossing and turning in the bed, I switch off the corner light and try to get some sleep.
It’s futile.
I am wide awake, staring at the ceiling as I replay our conversation in my mind. If I had not raised my voice, would we have had a better conversation?
My door cracks open. Light filters in, creating a thin shadow on the floor. Gracie walks in and shuts the door. A minute later, the bed dips with her weight. She snuggles close to me and wraps an arm around my waist but I lock my arms behind my head.
In the dark, our breathing grows louder, same with my thoughts. It doesn’t matter what I tell myself. I’m not happy with her. I wasn’t even in the wrong.
“It was supposed to be a peck, Benny.” I don’t reply but my hand dips to the small of her back. I am not wrong and I guess she’s not wrong either. “But he kissed me. I didn’t know how to react with so many people watching us. I’m so sorry, Benny. I didn’t know you saw us, that’s why I didn’t mention it. I’m sorry, babe. Please, don’t get a job that requires you to kiss other women. I’ll not be able to handle it.”
Anger tightens my body but I manage to contain it. I can deal with Marcelo later. I flip the corner light on and grasp her jaw. “Do you want me to punch him?”
“No.” She shakes her head and her hair flows down, forming a curtain around her face. “I don’t know. I just want to talk about us. Are you still mad at me?”
“A little.”
“Are you going to leave me?” Why would I? I am stuck with her for forever and a day. “Or get a job that allows you to kiss other women?” I stare on in perplexity. I am not like that, she should know me. “Will you at least kiss me? You haven’t kissed me.”
My stomach grumbles and I roll away from her. Fine. I am more than a little mad at her for even thinking she could hide it from me. “After eating, babe.” She nibbles on her lips. “I’m famished.”
“Okay.” Her sad eyes peer at me and I almost kiss away her frown. What she did was not okay and a kiss won’t be enough for us. “I’m famished too.”
Inching close to hug her, I whisper into her hair, “We can heat up the leftover pizza in the fridge, okay? I’m so hungry.” Her head bobs against my chest. I pull back when something wet touches my singlet. My Gracie is crying. “Hey, look at me.”
Tears line her eyelashes, she looks up and my heart breaks. “You are still mad at me. I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, babe. I don’t want you to be mad at me, Benny.” Ah, fuck. I nod again. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad.”
“But you won’t kiss me.” Gracie puckers her lips and sniffs. I brush the tears staining the under of her eyes. “The last time you kissed your girlfriend was in the morning. How can you be okay with that?” I am not okay with it one bit. “And you shouted at me too. I know I deserved that but I didn’t like it.”
A corner of my lips lift in a half-smile. I hoist her up to straddle me. Her brown eyes brim with tears. I shouldn’t be making my babe cry. “I’m not mad, I promise. And I’m sorry I raised my voice at you.”
She nods. I pout and she plants a kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry I walked out when we were still talking.”
“It’s okay, babe. I love you. But I’m hungry.”
A peal of laughter escapes her. “I’m hungry too.” Her face takes on a serious look and she grabs my hands. “Benny, I won’t let anybody kiss or touch me even for a job. I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t know what else to say.” My responding smile is fuller. She pinches my cheeks, then hugs me tight. “If the role will make either of us uncomfortable, I will give it up. I promise. You’re the only one I want to touch me.”
“Okay, babe.”
She frowns. I bop her nose but she holds my wrists. “And you promise not to kiss anybody too. You can not ever, ever get a job that allows you to do that.”
“I promise,” I tell her. “I want to kiss only you.”