Everything feels different now. It's not the same anymore, and as I keep looking at him, I keep wondering about the memories in my head. My head still hurts so bad. But it doesn't stop me from thinking about all the things that happened in the past. It's starting to unravel piece by piece, and the effort from him to keep things just like this is now something I can finally understand.
He's keeping me from knowing what was going on between us before the accident.
I couldn't look at him at this moment, and the amount of harsh words I tend to keep in will let out once they force me to say things about my current condition.
"Are you sure you're fine?" Luke asked. He immediately went to check up on me. I just nodded at him before I tried to stand up to finally go upstairs.
I don't want to talk right now. That's the only thing I could think of.
They let me walk upstairs and watched me go up. Based on their reactions, they seem to have not noticed that my memories are coming back already.
I locked myself in our room and immediately laid down on our bed. Well, I can just say that technically it's just my bed since he can't even spend a whole night in here. Maybe there's a certain time, but I don't know.
Honestly, I'm confused.
With all the memories that popped into my head earlier, the only thing I can fully recall is how mad I was that night.
That night.
That night, when I was taunting Shaina and getting so mad at Ysmael, I couldn't hear myself talking in that memory, and it's only my face that says it all.
I closed my eyes and tried to think about it again. My arms felt shaky as I was getting nervous and such, but I needed to know the truth about it.
I clench my fist as I begin to think of it. I saw myself again with a board on my side. It's a huge movable board, and I gasped as my vision started to get clear. On the board were pictures of my family. There's sort of a description of each of us, but the only thing I focused on was how my mom was called a murderer. She was labeled as one.
I see myself trying not to burst out, but I still did it.
I shouted.
I wanted to know the truth, and I gasped again as I heard myself talking.
--
"Yes, she killed your mom just to get even. Petty, right? But you know what's much worse? I've recently found out that your mother was one of them. Even though she didn't hurt nor touch me that night, my mother only did that because she's one of them, and it only means that your mother also tolerated what happened to me before."
"I already know about it."
--
Those words from him got me to stop what I was doing. I sit straight up, and I'm panting at the thought of what happened.
His mom.
His mom died because of my mom.
The trauma I've been through from those bastards and the fact that his mom was one of the people who tolerated it got me shaken.
I bit my lips to stop myself from screaming. Just by thinking about it, it's starting to bring back all the trauma I had that night.
That night, I was abducted as a kid.
Instead of getting so mad and confronting him right away, I lowered my head and cried. The thoughts in my head just keep coming in, and the fear I felt that never left my heart resurfaces again.
Those bastards.
They are the ones who left a huge scar in my soul, but they are still wandering free from what they have done. Human laws were never their style, and I know they get to do what they did to me to any person they want to.
I wiped my tears away when I felt footsteps heading to my room. I heard how the keys went in and the door eventually opened. I saw Ysmael with his cold expression, like usual. When he noticed how red my eyes were, he immediately sat down on my side of the bed.
"What happened?" He asked.
That's the exact same question I wanted to ask him. What happened? Why do you even want to know the dirtiest secret about my family?
"I just have lots of questions in my head," I said, and I was about to stand up to go to the bathroom when he stopped me from holding my hand.
"What questions? Maybe I can help you?" He asked.
"It's none of your business," I said calmly and tried to let go, but he refused.
I looked in his direction, and he wasn't looking at me. He's facing the floor, looking like he's thinking about something.
"Or maybe you're the one who has something to say?" I asked this time.
The silence between us grew louder as seconds passed by. I wanted to be alone right now, so I tried to let go of his hold, but then he tightened his grip and looked up at me this time. The frustration in his eyes is quite visible now.
"You remembered something, right?" He asked.
So he noticed it. He already saw my gestures earlier, and he just came here to confirm them with my words. Is this the part where he will explain everything to me?
I honestly don't want to hear anything about it for now.
When I felt his grip loosen, I took the opportunity to move my hands away from him. I walked towards the bathroom, but then my body stiffened a little when I felt my head hurting again. I paused for a minute, but he instantly noticed, and so he guided my body to stand again, but this time I harshly moved his hands off of me.
"Don't touch me," I said coldly.
Just as I've already decided that I'll try to get to know him again, I found out all about this. Wrong timing, it is.
"What memory can you recall now?" He asked in a concerned tone.
"What? So that you can manage to get your stories straight before I even get the chance to ask you?" I suddenly blurted out.
His expression looked so startled at first, but then he sighed.
"That's not what I want to happen," he defended himself.
"Then what do you want to happen? Do you really think I could just follow you around like a dog? I'm not one of your men that you can just order around and manipulate everything!"
I couldn't help but burst out.
"And how dare you try to investigate and unpack all of my traumas before? Do you really think that just by finding out that my mom killed yours and getting petty revenge on my family will eventually make your mom come back?"
"I did it because I wanted to know the truth!" He almost yelled. "I wanted to know what really happened that night. I don't care about the revenge at all because I..."
He exhaled a deep sigh and slightly massaged the back of his head.
"Because what?" I frustratingly asked.
"Because I already fell in love with you that time," he sighed and looked straight into my eyes.
"I'd already fallen in love with you, and that's what mattered to me the most at that time. I wanted to discard everything about it, but you went in first, and it all went down."
"What?" I asked in a whispering manner. The pain I felt in my head is not helping at all.
"I wanted to discard everything because of you."
He walked toward me.
"I love you, Adi."