Chapter 43: Called me a harlot.

Chapter 43: Called me a harlot.

He was back? William was back.

For the past two days, that's all I had been hearing. I did not believe it because if William had actually came back... not to sound self-absorbed but I know he would have came to see me and our child. Regardless of the last letter, he sounded so excited about our child. I was wrong, for thinking that way... William was back and he had not wanted to see me. I suppose they were caught up with their family problems that, I shouldn't intrude in.

"That witch is back too, he is still not steady with his walk since his leg was bitten and that's means more work for me but he is still as evil as can be." Hector told me. We couldn't see each other much anymore, but he always made it a point to sneak out at midnight to come and check up on me. "I curse the aboriginal medicine, they should have let him die!!"

In all honesty, I was waiting to hear the parts that involved William. Hopefully, I was wrong. He was just busy, perhaps he left a letter for me. Perhaps he was too busy with getting back that he had so much to do. William promised he would be there for me, I trust his word. I was trying really hard to... it may be that he realized, I was not worth it. His lust and need for me dissolved? I was scratching my head for any answer possible.

"Panashe... you know, I admire you. You have been nothing but strong and courageous—"

"What is it Hector? Out with it please?"

"Uh.. William came for dinner with his wife today..."

"Did he ask about me?"

"Uh, I really can't say..."

"Oh..."

"They seemed really cozy, he kept kissing her belly and making sure she was comfortable enough. It was uncomfortable to watch even for myself."

Tears threaten to prickle but I wouldn't allow them. William had his reasons, I suppose he had to somehow keep up with the facade.

"I talk about you an awful lot, my mother is beginning to suspect that you might be my first girlfriend..." Hector chuckled trying to cheer me up by the change of subject.

"Does she know that I'm..."

"Black?" He finished my sentence as I quickly tried to hide my fallen tears.

"Of course, she assumes... I'm hiding you and avoiding marriage because of that."

"Well, I'm not sure if that's good or bad."

He smiled. "It's a good thing, it blankets me for a little while from the talks of marriage, I presume."

I only nodded, my head was not here. I was not here. I needed to sleep so I could better handle and forget about this. Again, the fear of my mother rubbing it in my face. Regardless, this were the outcomes of my input. I had done this to myself. I was sometimes very upset with my naivety. Was it alright to call it bravery or much rather stupidity. I needed to wait before once more jumping into conclusions. William must have been tired... he would find a way to come see me soon enough. After all that time at sea... it made me question if he really missed me because if he did... he would have been here the minute his ship reached the dock. That night, I was restless with thoughts and my overthinking. I could not help it. I had a throbbing headache that did not seem to feeble away with everything that I tried. I woke up at four to get ready for work with my mother. She asked me a question—

"Did he change his mind like I presumed, I suppose being with a negro girl was too much of a risk? Too much commitment?" She said softly. "I have been cold but I'm still your mother and frankly... I just cannot leave you because you're my concern and always will be. White men are evil, my dear. They only care about what's between your thighs, soon enough they return back to their wives. Don't have too much hopes. If he really cared... he would have had you, the mother of his child removed from working in the fields." She then sighed and whispered. "Just when will you believe me when I tell you that, he does not love you. He does not fancy you. It was all fun, lust and some fantasy of having what you can not have. This is reality... he wants to act as if you do not exist. Keep your head up, it happens. My grandchild deserves a strong mother because I can tell they don't have a father already as it is."

These words kept rewinding and rewinding in my mind as I worked through out the day. That is until, I was called over away from the field. The overseer said Master William requested to have a talk with me. My heart was beating miraculously fast. I looked a dirty mess, a part of me knew my mother would be wrong. I could not wait to prove to her that she was wrong about William. He loves me, I know he does. He might love Tracy too but I believe he loves me just as much. My appearance was loathsome, I had mud and soil even on my face. My dress, was dirty and I was sure smelled just as horrible. If I was William, I wouldn't be as quick as to wrap my arms around me.

Our eyes met from afar. He was neatly dressed, standing tall and handsome. He was so clean and posh, I felt out of place. I was directed into the barn, William's eyes bulged out... a little surprised when he saw me or how big my stomach was. I did not know what he was thinking but underneath it all, I saw a look of disgust.

"Will—" I wanted him to hold me in his arms like he always did but he immediately took two steps back, I was hurt.

"Stay there and I will stay right here. I just have a few things to discuss with you before I leave."

I gulped down, a fear of unfamiliarity from the way he was so cold towards me. Fumbling with my fingers, I took a few steps back away from him. Maybe after, I had taken a bath then he would allow me to be close.

"I missed you, I'm glad you're back.. William."

He cleared his throat. "Master William, you're to address me as that." He replied still not looking me in the eye.

"Just what did you think you would gain by telling my wife about this disgusting infidelity?" He hissed. My eyes widened.

"I did not—"

"You certainly did. I presume you wanted Tracy to miscarry? Did you think I'd leave my wife for you. How else would she know about us. She told me everything, I know everything you shameless negro harlot."

"Wha—"

"You have been out and about with Mr. Wilkins all this time? Is that why you got nervous when he was around? You knew exactly what you were doing huh? Playing me for a fool!"

"No—"

"Be quiet, when I speak to you."

Tears immediately started to prickle at the corner of my eyes. "The money in the safe? You never actually gave it to Archie's wife like I told you. So where is it? I was well aware that you were a slut but a thief? A bloody thief, I did not—" he paused seemingly frustrated.

"Willia—"

"Do not ever call me that again!"

"I gave—"

"No, you did not. I spoke to her personally and she does not encounter ever meeting you." I must have been going mad as I replayed the scenes when I met her and she invited me for tea. I remember giving her every cent, I did not steal anything of that sort. It hurt seeing William this cold towards me and not allowing me to explain myself.

"I hope, Wilkins will be able to help you with your pregnancy. He told me that you were already pregnant but just did not know it. This isn't my child. I'm glad I'm not having a child with a filthy harlot like you. Now off you go, I do not ever want see you again. You broke my heart, I put so much trust in you." He said lowly.

"But—"

"Be quiet if you know what's good for you. Shut your mouth just as you should have those filthy legs." He spat. "PATRICK!!!" He called almost immediately.

"Yes, Master!"

"Take her back to work, I want her to work until ten pm in the evening."

"She is—"

"Did I stutter?"

"No Master, it's just your father has a rule that pregnant women shouldn't work too hard. We need more workers and the child being born is a great—"

"I do not care. She is going to work in with the second group, I want to see how much she has harvested at the end of each day. I want her to work, regardless of being pregnant. A harlot is what she is."

"Do I make myself clear?"

"Ofcourse, Master."

"Take her out of my sight."

That's when I knew, my mother was right.