Chapter 52: Called it pitiful.
She did not speak to her mother upon her return. She did not at all tell her mother that she had found her son, smacked and knocked about. Imagine the embarrassment she must have felt when his civil part Christian's family saw the marks. More reason to have Christian permanently staying in the Gallagher mansion or off to boarding school and away from the Neanderthals her mother made them to look like.
She had decided to sleep in for a bit, softly rubbing her son's hair. She explained to him in the most modest way that his grandpa was no more. He asked a lot of questions but she willfully answered as patient and as candy-coated as she could put it. He cried for a bit but she assured him that, his grandpa would always be there for him except, Christian could not see him. That made her son really sad. Christian had also made it known how he never wanted to stay with his 'black grandmother'
"People like grandpa are nice... but dark looking people are not nice. They do not like me. Except you mama." He hugged her much tighter. It saddened her that this was how Christian would view things. It was true no one at the commune liked him, maybe Aunt Ruth but not even her mother liked him. They made it know that he was a disgrace while William's family treated him like an egg that could not be harmed. There was a knock on the door, this time it was soft and patient. Hesitant, she felt lazy to get up. "I will get it!" Christian hopped off the bed, excitedly running towards the wooden door that had some spaces in between the wood, in the winter, it made them freeze. In the summer, insects such as crickets and roaches crawled in. Regardless she found a way of making it her own, she appreciated having her own living space this as good as she could get it.
Opening the door, Christian peaked his head out only to see.. "Bloody William!" He said excitedly. William smiled, with his hands in his pockets... he thought his son was the most innocent being on earth. He had this little grin that resembled his mother, his eyes colorful like his. Upon hearing that Panashe immediately hopped off the bed.
"Good Morning, Christian!" William said softly. The boy only shied away as Panashe replaced him. "It's Bloody William, Mama! The one grandpa was angry with." This gave Panashe shivers, just how much did her son know...
William was all dressed up in a black suit, hair sleeked back, hands in his pocket. He quickly removed them when he saw her. "Good morning, Panashe." He gave her the warm smile, panty dropping smile that he used to give her when she was naive. This time it did not work, she only seemed... disgusted. She rolled her eyes... "What do you want Master William?" This has been what he requested, she called him that very same day when he broke her heart. In hindsight, William thought Panashe was such a distraction. Her nipples were outlined through her dress. Each and every curve and meander outlined, even though it was clear that the dress was meant to cover up everything. Her skin, dark like chocolate, remarkably glowing. Her hair had grown longer than the last time he saw her, Tracy had chopped it off but now Panashe had been keeping her hair and regardless of short hair or long hair, her beauty always awestruck him. What people did not take into account was how besides the light caramel skin tone, Christian looked nothing like his father. He resembled his mother, except for his skin tone and the color of his eyes. Pouty, plump neutral lips... something William did not have, given by his family history. Thin lips and aristocratic noses seemed to be their signature. Something Christian had not inherited. It seemed he had taken the good parts of each of his parents. William found himself distracted by her body, he did not think he would ever be as lucky as to have a beauty of this sort in his bed. Being a man who hadn't been satisfied in a while and now standing here with a woman whom he longed for even in his dreams, he found it hard to talk. A rising boner making it uncomfortable in his slacks. Clearing his throat feeling restricted. Panashe was oblivious to his wavering eye that went from her eyes, lips to her pointy nipples that made themselves known through the fabric.
"Uh, I thought I'd personally invite you to Father's funeral. It's uh—" William found himself distracted yet again just by the way she pursed her lips listening to what he had to say. "It's uh only right that Christian attends. Mother has a suit already picked out for him."
It was no secret that Christian certainly had another wardrobe in the Gallagher household. She felt, she did not want to attend but then again her son needed her. Needed a shoulder to cry own.
"Is that all?" She asked getting ready to close the door shut. "Uh you look beautiful." He muttered without thinking seeming hypnotized by her. She only turned to laugh hysterically at this.
"Please, I will not.." she turned to look if Christian was paying attention, he wasn't infact he was busy counting numbers. Ever since he learnt numbers that's all he had been singing as well as the alphabet. He wrote his name everywhere, he wrote his mothers name, he spelt cat and dog. He was excited. Seeing her son was not paying attention. She continued, "I will not sleep with you Master William, whether, you decide to call me appealing or not. Keep your opinions to yourself." Heaving a sigh when she saw his boner, seeming stifled in his pants. She slowly shook her head. "Thank you for reminding me that's all, I will ever be to you."
By the time he could react or even try and composer his boner, she had already closed the door. This time, he decided he would keep trying, he knocked again and again. She tried to ignore him but it was hard to just ignore. With Christian saying... 'Mama, open the door!'
"Please leave.."
"I want to apologize, this is not all you mean to me." He said quickly. "You're not just a sex slave to me. You know what we shared the moments we had together. The multiple times, I told you... how much I love—"
"What's the point of all this?" She asked crossing her arms. "I do not think you know what love is. Stop misusing it. If you knew what love is then you would not have treated me the way you did. Did you want me to work, until I miscarried? You literally made my life difficult even with knowing that you made me pregnant. You yourself knew that, you decided on your own that you wanted to make me pregnant... but I'm just amazed how luck was so much on my side that when you decided to make me pregnant that's when I was already carrying another man's child? Very convenient." She sighed. "Just stop whatever it is, you're trying to archive. It won't work, go live your life. Go help Tracy get better. Go take care of your kids. Just do anything else other than bothering me."
"Why are you bothering my mama?" Christian said almost immediately peaking his head out the door. He made the situation actually funnier and less tense.
From a far, Panashe's mother saw the scene in front of her then immediately walked over there. Panashe was still angry with her mother, this time very fed up. "Christian, go count numbers and spell grandpa. I want to see if you can spell that." Distracted, Christian immediately ran back inside the small room.
"I see the family has been reunited." Her mother said mockingly. An African Kanga wrapped around her waist. It was something that most slaves wore, something they had taken from their culture that was now going distinct amongst them as they became more and more westernized. It baffled her how she had not even bothered to ask if she found Christian safe and sound.
"I knew the minute he returned, you would be back to opening your legs for him like the concubine strumpet you're and calling it 'love'. Love where? I still fail to understand how stupid you're. 'I love him' 'he loves me' foolery. Let him impregnate you again, I will be done, done with your shenanigans and stupidity. I still fail to understand where I went wrong. I really do not know..."
"Mother, please leave. It's best you stay away from me and my son. You do not have to remind me every single day that I made one mistake—" The mistake of thinking William was different. Christian could never be a regret.
William felt as if they were talking about him as if he was not there. He also realized the strain he put on Panashe's relationship with her mother, her only family. It was clear that he ruined her life.
"Fine, I won't beg to be in your life."
At this Panashe felt her eyes sting with tears. It was hurtful for her mother to say. "My boys are back and you're not as educated as they're. By far there is nothing you could ever do for me that they can not." She said walking away.
"I'm sorry.." William said softly.
"Please leave, just leave me alone." She said closing the door shut. William just wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be alright. Assure her that, she was special, she is a good mother, she has a lot to offer, so much to offer. It was within this moment that William realized he had never stopped loving her, he just tried to forget about her. Seeing her vulnerable sand not being able to help... brought him heartrending pain. He just wanted her to be happy, like she used to. She has always been someone who looked at the brighter side of every situation. Panashe was the only woman he wanted in this life.