Chapter 65: Called it declaration.
Distracted, blabbering a whole lot of anguish regarding letting their son know the truth. William out of impulse softly caressed her cheek, she stammered a bit as she came to a halt from talking. Silence accompanied with want, need, mixed emotions, unsaid words and a bit nervousness. They could both hear each other breathe. Panashe blinked a bit trying to calm herself. William's thumb softly caressed her bottom lip, like a volcano that had waiting to erupt for a long time... her clit immediately throbbed with need. Looking into his somber blue eyes, they had changed so much. They weren't as bright as they were six years ago. They looked exhausted... but a certain glimmer flourished whenever he was in her presence. She watched as his Adam's Apple bopped up and down. Pulling away would mean she did not want anything that was about to occur. The distance between them suddenly disappeared with a small step. The buds of her breasts felt rigid, her clit throbbed as if it had a heartbeat of its own. William slowing came closer and closer. As their lips touched with absolutely no proximity, he whispered... "Everything will be okay."
The little bit of touch between their lips was enough to make them crave for more but William felt he did not want to pressure her into anything. If she wanted him to act upon it then she would ask of it. He did not want to put her in an uncomfortable position so he slowly pulled away, she was disappointed. Her mind had already made up images of him... pleasing her tangled between the sheets. Her mind had also confused her a bit by imagining the things Hector had said. William was undeniably dapper, his body was provocative without even knowing. The thought of his arms around her made her heart flutter rapidly with joy. The thought of—
William cleared his throat, looking away from her. He fixed his slacks, trying to better position his growing arousal. "I must apologize..." He said feeling guilty. She had been through so many traumatic experience and he had unashamedly gave into his temptation.
"No—"
"I suppose, it is much harder for me to force myself to seemingly find you unattractive. I am not proposing any sexual engagements, it's just really hard for me to fathom your closeness..." clearing his throat again, he ran his right hand through his hair. "After such a long time."
Wanting to hear more, she replied.
"I'm sure it hasn't. You had a wife."
"You're right." He responded. "Have you been with anyone... ever since?"
Hesitant, Panashe started to fumble with her hands very much nervous. That night when her mother assumed that she had slept with him... Panashe had actually told him about that certain incident. She didn't understand why he would ask her that. William was a tad bit jealous and thought maybe she would say something about the Butler.
"No." Panashe replied.
William nodded slowly. He believed her, he would always take her word. She had no reason to lie. Perhaps the Butler was just a coincidence.
"I want..." Panashe paused, William immediately raised his head. "I want you to help me face my fear. I do not want to always be afraid of every man that walks or sits next to me."
"Ofcourse." William said. "You can talk to me about anything—"
"No, Will. I do not want to talk. I have heard enough of that. I want you to make me feel the way you used to back then, about sex I reckon. I want to be able to indulge in it without crying. Although I'd like you to make me cry while intimate." She immediately stopped. "I'm sorry, that came out of context. I meant cry from pleasure not cry cry from despair."
To say he was surprised would be an understatement. "I know what you once made me feel. I want to feel that again. I do not want to think about..." it was hard for her to speak. William was holding her tight within seconds. "I want to think of good things when I indulge in it. I know, we aren't married and I'm not proposing it. I suppose, I have already made loads of mistakes and this sim wouldn't be any different. God forgive me." She whispered the last part. "I'm not sure about my feelings or what I'd like from you. For now I just want your comfort, that's selfish but this is how I feel."
"It's not selfish at all. You want my comfort and I want you to be happy. That's all that matters." He said laying a soft kiss on her temple, wiping her tears away with his thumb. He felt overwhelmed on her behalf, he knew that it wasn't of her nature to ask for help especially not from him. This was progress, she had opened up even more to him about her needs and wants.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked once more.
"Yes, as sure as can be."
Chuckling a bit, he smirked. "You want me to make you cry?"
Hiding from his gaze, a hidden smile graced her lips. Letting out a laugh, William only held her tighter in his arms.
"Any other requests.."
"Be patient with me." She added.
"Always."
"We have to be extra careful."
"Of course."
"Your wife..." she said then the atmosphere immediately changed. "You have to go back with her when she becomes better."
"No!"
"I think it's only fair that I tell you my intentions. I want you to help me get over my fear of a man's touch physically. I value the friendship we have built up from scratch."
"No no no no..." William said immediately pulling away.
"Just listen!!" She yelled.
"As much as you want me and I want you. This was not meant to happen, this will forever cause problems for me, for our son. William, I do not want to be in constant fear of prosecution or mass justice. If you love me, then you will let me be because being with you, is me putting my life on the line. I can't do that. Years back, I thought... I could because I was alone and had no responsibility. We can't think of ourselves now... only our son."
"Fine." William said gruffly. "I will not sleep with you. I can not bare the thought of being with you but not fully being with you."
"It's so easy for you to say." Panashe added with just as much venom. "It's so easy for you to want to risk it all because ofcourse I take all the forfeit. I'm the other woman in the eyes of society. I'm the woman who ruined your marriage and it just makes it so much worse that I am the way I am."
"How are you?"
"I'm black, free yes but I'm still a negro. You need to understand that."
"I love you and you make this so hard for me."
"You only think for now but never the future and that's one thing, I cannot stand about you."
"Let's move away to somewhere—"
Panashe chuckled. "Where unless you plan on buying an island?"
"That's a great idea then."
"Don't be ridiculous William!"
"At this point and time. I do not care what anyone says. I do not care for the rules and regulations. We will be together even if it upsets them. We will be together, I'm going to die trying for us. What I will not do is go back to living a lie. You're here, I'm here and we have a son and we love each other. That's all that matters. Shhh—" he said when she was about to protest. He laid a soft kiss on her lips. She responded quickly then pulled away. "But—" she kissed her once more missing the feel of her lips against his. "Listen here Mrs. Gallagher, I will make you cry every single night for as long as I live and as long as you want me to. We're going to have more bundles of joys even if it pisses them off, you're going to walk proud and pregnant for me, yes? No one, I dare say no one will have anything to say about this. I'm going to make you my wife even if the law rebukes it. I want to wake up to you for as long as I live. I'm willing to risk it all. I will risk it because I'd better stay in a jail cell and say I tried than for me to pretend I feel absolutely nothing for you and inwardly torture myself for as long as I live. I will not settle for that life. I will never settle for a life that isn't with you. Unless... unless you tell me that you do not love me then I will respect that. Otherwise you better get used to being Mrs. Gallagher because I'm never leaving no matter the circumstances. My happiness lies with you and you know it."