Chapter 80: Epilogue; the unforgotten.
Good morrow.
First off, do you understand the awkward position you're putting me in? William is writing on my behalf. I speak, he writes. I will learn soon enough, I will get better at writing but I can not bare having a horridly amateur written letter travel all the way to France to my dearest friend. You deserve the best there is and that is my husband's rather stunning handwriting.
(Ps. It's William, how are you Hector? She doesn't know I wrote this part.)
William and I are expecting, that is how I bribed him into hand writing my letter for me while I sat back and simply talked. The baby could be here anytime now, perhaps a day? A week? Who knows it's nine months already... with Christian you remember how he came early. I still can not fathom that I will go through with this again? I cried like a little child during Christian's birth. I'm only hopeful that this one goes just as smoothly. Besides, the perks of having a lifelong partner who happens to be a doctor could make it somewhat better.
(Ps. It's William again, do not worry. I will take good care of her.)
Christian started boarding school. I miss him so much, I always wonder if he is alright. It has been three months already... I worry for him. What if the other boys are being mean about him being... the way he is. It makes me feel somewhat responsible that this is all my fault. My son will have to go through life as an outcast all because of the supposed sin or adultery I committed... with a white man. It's heartrending. I feel at fault. William says it's the pregnancy that has me all stressed up to the boot. I reckon, I'm only concerned for my little boy. I might be having another child but he will always be my little boy. I will not abandon him at a fancy upper class boarding school and focus on my new born. I plan on being the best mother, I can be to both my kids. After what Doris did... I owe it to myself to be better than her.
(NB. You know it is William. She is already an amazing mother.)
I do not know how she is. She threw a tantrum and William shipped her off else where. He said another plantation in another city. Do I feel atrocious? Yes. Perhaps things could have been handled differently but William seems to think otherwise.
(NB. Doris is a loony, Panashe is too kind and quick to forget and forgive. Also she is perfectly well where ever she is.)
My supposed half brothers, have disappeared without a trace. After Joshua Gallagher's funeral they never set foot back here again. I could only imagine that they realized how deranged of a family they had. A ruthless father, a calamitous mother and all that came with it. I will not bother them, if they render it best to stay away from us then I respect their decision. If I was them, I'd never return to. It is rather a disastrous scene.
(Ps. our half brothers, isn't it weird that we share a set of siblings?)
About the gossip you asked for? I can not think of any, I stay in bed all day... reading. Yes, my writing is not yet perfect my reading has always been marvelous. William and I stay in bed all day... perhaps I've taken your advise and things have been way better in that department.
(Ps. She is already pregnant and cannot get pregnant again. We were using our advantage till it lasted.)
Liam has settled in well with Gerald. Before he headed off to boarding school, he would always visit us every weekend. He isn't as sour or angry anymore. I hope he looks out for Christian at school. They have heard some sort of bond together. They're better brothers now. Addie is still being homeschooled. I enjoy her company, we're always baking and having a wonderful time together. I see her as a daughter, I'd never expect her to see me as a mother as she already has one. Just a little unstable. It seems schools value boys education more than that of girls. It was rather hard to find a good school to accommodate Addie. Perhaps they all assume, women want to grow up to be housewives and stay in the kitchen and that they serve no better purpose. Addie's teacher had suggested she learnt just enough to read the paper, speak a second language, read poetry and music, piano lessons, consumer services, how to sew and cook... all these things that render a respectable wife. I found it concerning, Addie loves numbers, what if she wanted to pursue something better than that. It is degrading to assume, she'd want to learn how to sew a hole in her husband's trouser. Yes, it's useful but no, it's insulting. Will and I have decided she is to learn all that Christian and Liam are learning in boarding school. I'm excited, the term is almost over and soon they will be here for their break. So will the baby... we haven't thought of names yet, I do not care if it is a boy or a girl, a healthy child is alright with me.
(Ps. She is sweet isn't she, this is why I love her but honestly... I want a girl. It would be a perfect addition to our little family. Addie would have a little sister.)
And ofcourse the gossip, you'd never guess what happened? William's brothers came for dinner this one time and they apologized. Can you believe that? They even bought me a little gift. They have been coming over more often too. I do not know why the change of heart but I'm glad. Yes, I can sense some sort of judgement here and there but overall they're trying not to be narrow-minded. If I'd guess, they only come over for my food. They love it. Their wives are not the nicest but they're trying their best to not treat me any differently. Their kids are wonderful. I feel as if for the first time, I have an actual family. I never thought that this would be my life one day. Sometimes, I can only wait for when I will blink my eyes open and wake up at the commune.
(Ps. that will never happen.)
William and I do not plan on moving out. This is our safe place. Moving to where there are many people would only bring us judgement. We're alright here at the Gallagher plot. I plan on spending the rest of my life raising my kids and with the love of my life. I'm only grateful to God, for all that I have. I'm living any black woman's dream.
By the time you write back, our baby will be here Uncle Hector. I miss you dearly. Hopefully there will be an opportunity for us to reunite. Ottis seems like a nice lad, send my greetings to him. The scarf theory that, is one remarkable idea. I'm glad you're doing alright. I was concerned after having not heard from you. Your letter has brought so much joy, I'm even more happier now knowing my best mate is alright. When you told me to hang myself? I needed to hear that. A wake up call is what you were please do not regret it. Stay well.
Your dearest friend
Panashe (and William)
—
Present time.
"Alright class round up then you're welcome to ask any questions?" Mrs. Xavier summoned. A modern british dark-skinned teacher, who was born in Kenya but later moved to London. She loved being an English teacher. The best part of the syllabus was teaching about the Gallagher plantation. The house had been turned into a museum. Middle school children always visited it, as it was declared a heritage site. The kids scrambled around the 187 year old house. It still stood tall, unshaken. Paintings of Williams father, brothers, mother, sisters, children, Panashe... himself stood on the walls in the passage. Amazing to think that a lifetime ago, they had lived right here in this place. As the questions were being asked by the curious children, the teacher looked at the tour guide to explain some of questions. He was happy to.
"Any questions?"
"So no one caught them?" One of the Caucasian leaners asked.
"They were not doing anything wrong, from my perspective so why would they need to get caught? That very same year 1833 slavery was put to an end. They lived happily together for nearly thirty years. Until William passed on from tuberculosis at the age of sixty-three. His mother had left him this house, he left everything he had in Panashe's name. With her many accumulated asserts that made her the first black woman to become a millionaire in England. Panashe Gallagher was well respected and still is."
There were sad sighs and giggles.
"Tuberculosis was very dangerous back then. Do not take it lightly." Mrs Xavier added. The tour guide nodded.
"What happened to Doris?"
"No one knows even I, in Williams neither Panashe's journal... nothing was ever mentioned of her."
"What happened to the baby? Did she give birth?"
"There is a bonus letter, the last of it. Hopefully you will all enjoy reading it on your way back to your school. I've printed a page each for you all. It was Panashe's last letter to Hector, after the passing of William. Very heartfelt. It will answer the rest of the questions you might all have."
"This is better than Romeo and Juliet." One of the students chanted. Their teacher and the tour guide shared a laugh so did her classmates. It was better than Romeo and Juliet, a love story untouched, unlike Romeo and Juliet... it included all the struggles, unbiased and authentic. A lifetime ago it had been, unforgotten they will remain.