Bonus chapter.
Dear Hector.
I could have sworn yesterday, just yesterday... we were together as he helped me write to you. The thought of it all fills my eyes with tears. Thank you for the letter you sent forth of your condolences, I must apologize that I did not reply almost immediately. I thank you for all your well wishes, I know if you could... you would have been here. My apologies yet again for replying only a year and a half later. I needed time, to re-evaluate everything, my life without him; well what's left of it. I needed to calm myself as I could not believe he was really gone. The last thirty-three years have been an unforgettable journey. I've had to restart this letter many times. Each time, I write and start to reminisce tears soak in the poor sheet. My heart feels heavy with hurt, I feel alone even when surrounded by all these wonderful people who care for me. I miss him every single day, his cologne, his smile, his—
everything.
I can not explain my sorrow and need to be with him. My arms are shaking with tears, but I have to write this. I have to face it all. As I hug his once favorite navy double breasted blazer, the smell of it... his unforgettable scent. I might be going mad with feelings of astray. He would always always wear this for many occasions. His unending love for horse racing. Reminds me of the time, he took me there for the first time. My first time off the plantation, I was terrified of talks and banters. Slavery had been abolished in early 1833, he assured me nothing would happen or come off people knowing of our relationship. Proved to be true, or I suppose the Gallagher's had always been so powerful no one could question their motives or the way they chose to lead their lives. We got stares upon arrival, throughout... I got used to the stares. Everytime they stared, he would always give them a show and kiss me ruthless; it made me shy...my knees weak. They would always look away right after. He showed me off always, from there on we always went out. Elites stopped inviting the Gallagher's over to many events, William did not care. I remember him saying... they were doing him a favor, he hated it all and would rather be at home helping me raise our infant.
Eliel Gallagher, he is all grown up now. Aren't they all? The picking of the name... William would not stop talking my ear off about the French name 'Eliel' that he heard read on the paper this one time. I loved the name so we named our second child Eliel. Knowing Will had wanted a girl, he was still so happy to have another boy. Christian and Eliel are such photocopies of their father, it upsets me just a little bit. They're practical Giants now like their grandfather, it is in their genes to be tall. Eliel has somewhat lake green eyes...I never understood the aspect of it all. Christian has his father's big ocean blue eyes. Eliel's hair seems more straight than Christian curls. Regardless you could never tell them apart from their father. I'm quite jealous, those two gave me headaches over the years. They were inseparable, regardless of Christian spending more time at school than here at the plot. Addie was always around, she was so excited to have a sibling. Remembering how gently she'd always hold Eliel. Liam was just as excited, he expressed his joy for having another brother. Will and I had decided to continue trying but to no avail, suppose this was God's will. It was alright with us, we were very happy with our little family.
So many years of happiness as I look through this house. Many memories reside here, the good... the bad. I would never say my and William's relationship was pitch perfect. There were many times, I locked him out. Many times I moved to the commune and his mother had to beg me to come back into the house. I have to admit, I was a little dramatic. It is after all how I get, remember the time... I found out about Tracy and William's pregnancy? How upset I had been. Cried my eyes out. Naive was the word, I was naive. William always brings out many emotions out of me some I can not control. There were many times we argued over how we chose to raise our boys. I wanted to raise our boys the way I saw fit, so did William. We both had no experience or handbook on raising a mixed race child. We both had different values, at times they clashed massively. At the end of the day, William would always come back to me. He was willing to put his pride aside and work it all out with me. Never did he degrade me or remind me where I came from. He always held me at a higher position even when he was angry with me. Never had he ever held his hand on me, instead he always stormed off. I appreciated that.
William and I watched the years go by and people around us passing. I never thought he'd leave me. His mother passed, so did his half brother Milton, his half sister Rachel... Gerald is still around in his old age, without a wife... when I find time, I usually go visit him with some home-baked treats. He has gone partly blind and stays with the help. Liam visits him often, they managed to rekindle their relationship as father and son after all the betrayal had come to light. Liam would always love William but as he grew, he bonded well with biological father. Even better, when he was old enough... we allowed him to visit his mental mother. So did Addie, she did not want to. She cried in my arms, yelling 'that's not my mother, you're'
She had to understand that as much as I loved her dearly. Her mother would always be Tracy. Tracy never got better, I wish she did not for me not for her, not for anyone but for Liam and Addie. It would have been great for them to see their mother well. I hated those visits. Tracy did not remember them, it broke my heart seeing Liam trying to make her remember. Tracy was so violent, she had even attempted to hurt Addie that's when I realized the visits had to stop.
I allowed them very often to visit the Durham's, they would always be their grandparents. And yes, William and I married in our garden. I had never in my wildest dream imagined that would be me. We did not care for the law for that would never be even with the abolishment of slavery. It was a small gathering of family friends and my many nephews and nieces. I never had friends but with time, Gerald's wife proved to be one of my closest. I'm afraid you can not hold the title my only friend anymore. Her passing hurt me as well. We had created such an impeccable bond. The birthdays, we held. The many family lunches we combined. Milton's wife never took a liking to me but nonetheless I never let it bother me. William's sisters were always the sweetest there is. To prove how time has passed, they both passed a few years back. It's so unfortunate, watching people you call your loved ones die like flies, one by one. The only person I have left is Gerald, he is very forgetful at times. His memory isn't all that good anymore. After a little while he always seems to remember me. I love when he tells me stories of how him and William fought for the room facing the commune just so William could watch me. It warms my heart. I still feel his love and warmth for me. I even got to see my mother's grave, she killed herself. Was I surprised? Not at all. William was there to comfort me. My brothers seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth they never returned ever again. It's as if they never seized to exist. My mother did what she did, took her own life and perhaps some part of me always knew she'd do something tragic. Speaking of friends, Merrigold was and is one I could most relate to. We met on bad times but she somewhat came along. I'd consider her one of my very best friends. Our upcoming sand outcomes proved to be similar. As if we were chosen for this role of being with the enemy. Sometimes, I wonder... what made us different. Why me and her? What was so special about us? It could have been anyone but it had to be us.
{Read Merrigold the book lol I don't wanna ruin that book by telling more in this one.}
The children are all leading their own lives. They visit often. I already have ten grandchildren, Liam has four, Addie has three, Christian has two and Eliel's wife just gave birth to a little girl. I can never keep up with them, the running around, toddlers are always noisy but I miss the noise. It makes me forget, forget that I miss William. It makes me forget all my sorrowful feelings. Christian has his own business employing bricklayers and carpenters, he married a beautiful girl from one of the plantations up north. He was afraid, I'd be upset. I laughed, why would I be upset when that's exactly where his father picked me up from? She is a such a nice girl, she is always checking up on me. I adore her. I wish the government would allow certified official marriages between races already, it has been a long time coming. I understand people are allowed to live together but by law it would be nice to see my son getting married rightfully to the love of his life. Eliel seems a little different. He is a lawyer. He married a white woman, I do not fault him for that but I reckon at times, he seems as if he is in denial of who he is. His hair has always been straight but he surely makes a great job at passing as white. His wife was appalled when she first met me. She had asked if I was his nanny or maid, that was when Eliel corrected her. William was upset with Eliel he had asked them to leave. My son has apologized so many times. It is alright. I'm not bitter about the occurrence. I know he loves me, it is simply hard to be accepting of this part of yourself in a society that teaches you to hate people born that way. We never had that problem with Christian, I always wondered how? What happened? Christian and Eliel are two different people but they were raised the same. Eliel's wife very nice, the first time we met it had simply been a little mistake. Although, I wish they visited more. I do not blame him if he loathes the melanin part of himself.
I need more ink—
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