It’s today. Our vow renewal. To be honest, it feels like we are getting married again. This time, we have the people we care most about to celebrate the reunion with us and it makes me anxious.
Joshua claps my shoulder. “Relax.”
It’s so easy for him to say that but he doesn’t get it. The love of my life is out there. I haven’t seen my wife since yesterday because her mother believes it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.
We stare into the floor-length mirror, our matching charcoal grey suits are differentiated by our ties. He’s my best man.
“Is Joy coming?” he asks.
Sophia will be in attendance but I can’t speak for her friend. I don’t say a word to him but I know this won’t work. Joy is older than Joshua. If her attitude towards him on my birthday is a sign to go by, she doesn’t like him. Some parts of me feel like this is an infatuation that will die soon. It is taking too long for him to get over her but I hope that’s all it is. A crush that will vanish in a few weeks.
I adjust my tie. El will be wearing an off-white gown or a colour close to that. The gown is a surprise too. I have to wait until then to see. I fiddle with my tie till Joshua swats my hand. Fine. I’m nervous. People will be watching. What if I stumble over my lines?
We are saying our own vows.
“It’s fine this way,” he murmurs.
The door creaks open. Brianna walks in with a tiny frown and the bells in my head trip off. Nothing must go wrong today. I meet her halfway into the room and draw her into a hug. She pouts. It’s hard to figure out what kind of pout this is. She has different types. The cute pout, the I-am-not-happy pout and the I-am-not-happy-with-you pout.
This is the I-am-not-happy pout.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, princess?” I squeeze her hand between mine. She offers me a smile. The resemblance between her and Nicole grows more obvious daily. There are bits of Brendan but it’s easy to tell she’s her mother’s daughter. “You don’t look so happy.”
“I’m not sad,” Brianna replies with a laugh. It has been a year and some months since she woke from her coma. Her progress is one of the most beautiful things that has happened to us. It’s hard to believe that less than two years ago, she was almost a vegetable. “Daddy, I don’t have a South African name. Everybody has, except me. I want my own.”
“Oh.” I scratch the base of my neck, Joshua snickers behind me. My knowledge on South Africa is limited. El hasn’t taught me anything new. Brianna bats her lashes at me, gaze filled with expectations. “We will find one for you after the wedding, okay?”
She shakes her head. “Not okay. I already got one name.”
Relief fleets through me. “Which one?”
“Annika.” She hugs herself, one foot in black boots sticking forward. High heels aren’t her forte for now. “It’s Granny’s name but I really like it. Mum says it’s okay.” My smile widens. It’s the ease with which she acknowledges El as her mum that makes all those months of waiting for her worth it. I love the name too. “But I have to ask you first. Can I keep it?”
“Sure, Annika.”
She throws herself at me. I hug her back and plant a kiss on her hair. “I love you, Daddy.”
“Love you too, my princess.” I twirl her curly hair around my finger. She has the shortest hair among the girls. “Where’s your mum?”
“Mum is getting ready. She looks so pretty.” I want to ask just how pretty but I know it’s futile. “Grandma and granny are helping her.”
Grandma is my mother. Granny is El’s mother. They came up with their own system of identification.
“What about your sisters and brothers?”
At the mention of brothers, her shoulders sag. “Finally sleeping. My sisters are getting ready too. Bye, Daddy. I have to go.” Brianna looks behind me and waves. “Bye, Uncle Josh.”
Joshua places a hand on my shoulder after she’s gone. A hint of longing shadows his face.
“You got lucky,” he mutters. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “I envy you sometimes.”
“I envy me too sometimes.” And question my good fortune on some other occasions. It still feels so unreal to me. I hug my baby brother because he seems to need it and he pats my back. “Your time will come, I promise. Good things take time.”
“I believe you.”
A snicker escapes me. I lift him off and drop him on the floor like he is a little kid. We are both laughing when I mutter, “You better. I’m older and wiser.”
“Older and foolish,” he corrects. He dodges my hand reaching out to slap him. “Are you ready?”
“Not quite,” I reply honestly. I smoothen my already ironed jacket and adjust my tie. Joshua swats my hand. “I’m nervous. What if El changes her mind?”
There’s no trace of laughter in his face. “She won’t. El loves you. I haven’t met a couple who love each other as much as you two do.” A smile lifts the corners of my lips. “Well, except for our parents.” He fakes a groan. “Your wife is waiting for you.”
And I cannot keep her waiting. We exit the room with me feeling a tad better. The wedding is holding in the same location as the first. Our backyard. Only now, there aren’t business partners but loved ones.
The weather is in agreement with our union. Seats are arranged on each side of the aisle that’s littered with petals. The officiating minister, my father, is at the makeshift altar with a thick book in his hand.
I stand as comfortably as I can manage with the jitters. Our guests begin to troop in. Father offers me a thumbs up and squeezes my shoulder. He looks so proud of me. Joshua tenses when Joy and Sophia show up. They offer me a small wave and Joshua waves back with a sheepish smile. Dummy.
Joy’s curls frame her face, her makeup is minimal. She sits beside Sophia who is wearing her signature red lipstick. My heart breaks for my brother at his failed attempt at catching her attention. Joy is the opposite of Joshua’s type. I’m not sure she likes him. If she does, she’s great at hiding it from us.
I allow Joshua a few moments of smiling foolishly before nudging him with my elbow. He winks. He better continue winking after Joy turns down his advances because it looks like she might do that.
Few more minutes pass. All the seats are almost occupied. Mother and Annika are missing. So are the girls and my boys. El’s father, the man who started this, is on the front row with his walking stick beside him. His health is better.
The band starts a song, something so smooth and heavenly it warms my heart. My little princesses are first in line. Bren and Wyn march forward with their mini baskets of petals hanging from their necks. They spray some on the floor with their big sister behind them. Brianna’s fair skin shows she’s not fully related to the twins but it hasn’t stopped them from loving each other. I am a blessed man.
El is a vision in her off-white gown that has a long train flowing behind her. I smile at the bouquet. I sent them to her but I didn’t know she had plans. Annika is by her side, walking her down the aisle. My eyes water, a traitorous tear drops down to my cheek and I wipe it furiously before anyone notices.
Everything plays in slow motion when El stops in front of me. I offer her my hand and she takes it so I can help her up to the podium. The beehive in my stomach erupts, I am so tempted to lift her veil and kiss her senseless. They did me wrong by keeping my life source away from me. I missed my baby.
My wife must have been thinking the same thing, she giggles and presses two fingers to her lips, then mine. Brianna and the twins wave. They are all on the same row as their granddaddy. Clarissa, Annika and Mother are on the first row of the other side.
The boys are asleep in their buggies, their nannies are on the second row. El insisted she wanted them present even if they wouldn’t have an idea what was happening. I agree but I hope they sleep through the process. With kids, it never gets better with the crying. They cry and cry and cry and sleep.
“We are gathered here today,” Father says, his voice breaking through my thoughts. The band stops playing. “To witness the renewal of the vows...”
Father says a lot of things that flows into one ear and out the other one. My nerves are under control now. El is smiling through her veil, or I think she is. We are getting away for two weeks after the reception. Our businesses will be fine without us.
“Time to exchange vows,” Father calls out.
I pat my pocket for the note. I remember every word I wrote there but I am afraid the nerves will make me forget. El grabs my hands, for the next few seconds we are in our bubble. She takes a deep breath and I follow suit. Soon enough, the nerves are gone.
“You are okay, baby,” she whispers.
“I’m okay.”
The back of her hand runs across my cheeks, she smiles at me and the chips fall off my shoulders.
“Today, I say ‘I do’ but it means I will,” El says. She is staring me dead in the eyes without a hint of doubt in her voice. “I will be with you today, tomorrow and for the rest of our lives, Brandon Stark. I will stand by you in the good, the bad and the ugly. No matter how hard the wind blows or how hot the sun shines, my love for you will never waver.” My heart jumps. Shit. She will make me cry and I can’t do that here. “And on the days when nothing seems to go right, I promise to love you harder, Brandon. I am your beginning, your middle and your end.”
The backyard is silent as a graveyard when she finishes. It’s my turn. I fold the paper into my pocket and take her hands. Her smile doesn’t falter.
“I loved you before I knew what love meant, El. You are my dream come true, the calm after a storm. I promise to be your light in the darkness, your backup plan, your teddy bear, your listening ear, your shoulder to lean on. I promise to give you kisses and piggyback rides even when we are old and wrinkly. I promise to buy you lots of ice-cream.”
Father laughs. El smiles.
“I choose you today, Elna. I’ll choose you tomorrow and every other day after that. I’ll love you in words and actions. I’ll be with you in all circumstances. I will be your everything; your husband, your baby daddy, your best friend. You taught me how to love myself and doing that taught me how to love you. For the rest of my life on earth, I’ll always love you. I am your beginning, your middle and your end.”
The backyard isn’t so silent when I am done. I hear the cries, the sniffles and gasps but my eyes never leave my wife’s face. Father says something about the rings. We are being traditional, following every step in the book. Exchanging our vows before we exchange the rings. Bren runs to us with the ring box on a small pillow. She puckers her lips and runs back to her seat before we can react. I am going first and the nervousness returns in horrid waves.
The ring hovers over her fourth finger, I take a deep breath and say, “I give you this ring as a symbol of my eternal love to you.” My wife grins. God, she is so beautiful. “I am lost without you but by giving you this ring, we will always find each other. I vow to love and honour you all the days of our lives.”
When it’s El’s turn, she’s more confident. The sniffs are louder, I assume they are from our mothers. They are too emotional sometimes. El smiles up at me, the ring a few inches from my fourth finger.
“With this ring, I vow my undying love, loyalty and faithfulness to you. You’re my number one, my main and backup plan. And for the rest of our days, I’ll forever love and honour you.”
A round of applause rips through the air as El inserts the ring into my finger. We raise our hands to inspect our new rings. I am hers forever.
“I now re-pronounce you husband and wife.” He turns to me. “You may now kiss your–”
Father doesn’t get to finish his statement because I lift the veil and smash my lips against El.