Once the door to Brianna’s rehab centre closes, I change gears and start for Sophia’s clinic. El asked me to wait but I can’t keep still. I need answers lest I do something crazy. I send Sophia a text to hurry out.
Moments later, she walks out of the back door and slides into the passenger seat. We sit in silence until her fingers drumming on the dashboard breaks the quietude. Sophia cocks her head so she can size me up.
“It’s possible but I won’t advise it,” she says in response to the text I sent before coming.
My nails dig into my knees. “Why not?”
This is the last thing I will do behind my family. After this, I can move on with my life knowing I didn’t kill Brendan. Sophia is aware I am thinking of exhuming somebody, she just doesn’t know who. Well, I didn’t tell her but I believe she must have figured it out. The timeframe must have given me away.
“Eleven years is a long time.”
It is. A lot can happen during that period. And it did. I was miserable for that long.
“What do you think I should do?” This conversation feels like one I should be having with my wife. I’d be mad if she was seeking someone else’s opinion on a delicate matter such as this. I shove those thoughts out of my mind. Resting my arm on the window, I let out a growl that scares two of us. “I need to know.”
“Know what?” she asks.
My restraint snaps. I vomit every single thing I know. The diary. Vincent’s confession. From Brendan’s car stopping to Vincent pushing two fingers down my brother’s throat while Damien held him. Damien said the job was done. I guess he was right because his orders were to get the job done if plan A failed. But they pulled a better one on me. They killed him first, then drove the car off the cliff to hide their tracks.
Sophia gasps. Her eyes widen and her hands go over her mouth. “Oh, my goodness.” She shakes her head. “You should get him arrested.” I click my tongue and she places a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to look at her. “Brandon, he killed your twin brother. It was not an ordinary accident, it was murder.”
She is right but the only reason I’m mad at Vincent is because he took this long to spill. He took revenge for the same reason I believed I was doing when I tampered with my brother’s car. His only goal was to make me, the other half of Brendan, suffer for taking his sister and almost taking his niece from him.
He’s a genius. An evil genius. I don’t know why I start laughing but I laugh till my belly tightens. That man is Brianna’s uncle. I am Brianna’s uncle. I wasn’t the king or queen in this game, I was just another piece.
“Do you think he’s lying? Maybe so he can see Bri?” I ask. “Why didn’t the autopsy report show that?”
Her red lips stretch into a grim smile. “They might have been distracted by the state of his body.”
The car was a bit burnt, so was his body. But the doctor assured my parents he was dead before the fire could get him. The weight I didn’t realise I had been clinging to melts and a calmness floods my body.
“You should make him suffer too,” she adds. “For all those years you were hard on yourself.”
Sophia lets out another sigh. I do too but for different reasons. In the version Sophia knows, Brendan had a terrible accident and her friend, Brandon never fully recovered from his twin’s death. She believes my regrets are mostly because Brendan and I never got along.
The idea of making Vincent suffer might have appealed to me in the past but I am not worthy enough to judge him. He is still Brianna’s uncle and Brianna wants him in her life. I want to work on my wife and kids happiness. They come first for me.
“I should but I’ll let my parents and Joshua decide that.” A sob escapes me but I don’t tear up. Jesus. I am going to be able to look at them for the first time in eleven years without any guilt or shame. My God. “I just want to go back home to El. And the twins.” My eyes shine with unshed tears. “And Bri.”
If El is fine with it, I would love to adopt her. I can’t imagine her as anything other than my princess. We have both come so far, I can’t just be her uncle. My hands run over my face. Vincent really fucked me up.
“Are you going to tell her?” I’m not sure who she means by her but I nod. I’m telling her—El.
We are trying out this marriage again and we will do it right. I will also tell Mother. Joshua. Father. They deserve to know. Whatever decision they make about Vincent, I will respect it. He is their business now.
“Brandon.” Sophia’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I swipe the back of my hand across my nose. Rolling down the window, I put one hand out. Today is a good day to be alive. “I’m happy for you.”
“Me too.” My throat clogs at her smile. She was here for me at every point. I hug her briefly because body contact hasn’t been our thing since El and I got married. Sophia’s eyes are glossy, tears leak down her cheeks and she hurriedly wipes them off. “I hope you find that thing or person who will always make you happy. You deserve happiness too, Sophia”
It’s not work. Work satisfies her. It used to satisfy me but since El and the kids, I know work cannot be enough. It’s just a temporal placeholder until the right source of happiness comes. I hope she finds it.
“I have to go,” I whisper. I need to go and be with my wife, remind her how much I love her.
Warm air rushes in when Sophia unlocks the door and steps out. We exchange farewells and she walks away. I put the car on drive, certain I will be heading home but I find myself on the road leading to him.
The car stops outside the family owned cemetery. It’s so quiet and the sound of my door closing echoes. I was here once to gloat. Then, I felt powerful. Now, I am exhausted and I wish he was here to mock me.
Brendan’s grave is neat with a fresh set of flowers scattered around it. I squat in front of his tombstone and hug it. Every Stark who walked the earth would be buried here. Too many traditions in the family.
The epitaph hasn’t changed. I don’t know what I expected but it still reads the same.
Brendan Stark. Beloved brother and son.
I made no contribution. He was beloved to Joshua, not to me. Those were my thoughts at the time it was constructed. It should read: Beloved father, brother and son because I know Brianna will love him.
Brendan was only twenty-seven years old. Man, we were wild and headstrong at that age. I sit and kick my legs out. The breeze caresses my face, I close my eyes. If he was here, he might have laughed at me.
“We fucked up, Brendan.” My arms wrap around my knees, I stare at his headstone and my eyes water again. I didn’t kill him. I wanted to but I didn’t. “You are still an idiot,” I add with a laugh. “A bloody idiot.”
Moments later, I murmur, “I want Brianna.” I pick one of the bouquets and start plucking the petals. Brendan hated flowers anyways. “I have kids now, Brendan. I have a wife.” I smile at the thought of El. She has been calling. “She’s so pretty and she would have slapped the shit out of you if you were alive.”
“Elna is her name. She’s so stubborn but she is cute too and sexy. We fought a lot and I was angry and sad and hurt. She left but she is back now. I want us to work this out.” A heartbeat later, I say, “I wonder how long it would have taken her to tell us apart.”
It was always hard for strangers to differentiate us as kids. Some of them never figured it out. Taking another bouquet, I start shredding the petals. We haven’t spoken about T. He is one of the things we will need to talk about. If El insists on keeping him as her friend, I don’t think I can handle it. I don’t want him in our lives, as her friend or business partner. I want him gone. El needs only me and the kids.
“Did you know Brianna was your daughter?” I pause to stare into space. A weight lifts off my chest and I stand. “When Vincent was reading the diary to you, what went on in your mind? Why didn’t you just apologise? And I’m not mad at Vincent, is that weird? He killed you but I’m not upset. I’m just relieved.”
Dusting my jacket, I stare in satisfaction at the colourful mess at my feet. Brendan must be pleased with me. Mother has to be the culprit. There’s no use trying to convince her to stop. In her opinion, the dead need flowers.
For a moment, I am saddened by the fact I will be coming here in a few months with flowers for her grave. Mother likes those pink ones. I release a shaky breath and glare at the dark skies. I hate this life sometimes. It’s too fragile. I don’t want any more people around me to die.
Is that too much to ask?
“For what it’s worth, I forgive you, Brendan.” For all the times he didn’t have my back when he should have. “And I hope you forgive me too.” For trying to kill him. I’m also a bloody idiot. I pat the headstone twice. “Sleep well, brother.” The fallen leaves rustle as if in agreement. “Next time, I’m bringing wine.”
I walk out of the graveyard, light-hearted and relieved. It’s finally time for me to be happy.