El will be mad. I know it. I feel it in my bones as I tiptoe up the stairs. The house is quiet, everyone has gone to bed. It was a long drive, the traffic made it worse. I open the door to our bedroom and pause.
It’s empty.
No fucking way am I sleeping alone. I want to cuddle. Until last night, I had never been spooned from behind. I like it very much. I spin on my heels and cross over to her room. It’s locked. I knock. I get no response at first, then the shuffling of someone behind the door and the handle finally twists open.
El yawns. She stands in the way so I can’t get in or even hug her. I pout. I want my wife.
“Baby.”
She slaps my hands. “I’m not your baby.”
Laughter trickles out of my lips. She’s cute with her bonnet and scowl. I rest one hand on the door while the other tries to draw her in for a hug. She slaps my chest, once, twice till she’s raining punches on me.
“I told you not to go anywhere and you left before I came back home,” she cries. “You didn’t even tell me where you were going.” I accept the hits as punishment, she tries to protest but I hoist her up and her legs circle my waist. She tucks her head into the crook of my neck. “Bad husband. Where were you?”
The words hang in my throat. I want us to have a proper discussion about us and our future first before I mention Brendan or the diary. She palms my face and my inside churns with guilt at the lie I want to tell.
“At the office.”
Her face hardens. “Put me down.”
I know I fucked up as soon as those words leave her mouth but I try to rectify it with a smile. “Baby.”
“You are a liar,” she spits out. If she was mad at me, now she’s furious. “Brandon. Put me down.”
I tighten my grip on her waist and shake my head. This has always been the issue with us. We don’t talk, we just get angry. We need to work on our communication because we are both shit at it.
El struggles to get out of my grasp but I don’t budge. If she calms down for a minute, then I can explain everything.
“Stop it, El. I’m not letting you go anywhere.” Her lip trembles, her eyes water and the guilt intensifies. I peck her on the lips. “Baby, don’t cry, please. I don’t like it when you cry, you know that.”
“But you’re lying to me. I came to your office and you were not there and you didn’t pick my calls. If I’m your baby, you will not lie to me.” I heave a sigh and she stops rubbing her eyes. “Where were you?”
“I went to see Brendan.” It is half the truth but it’s enough to get her off my back for now.
Concern etches on her features, she wipes her tears. “Are you okay?” I nod. She holds me tight for a few seconds to reassure both of us. “You should have told me where you were going. It would have only taken a few seconds to send me a text saying you were busy or would be home late. I was so worried.”
I nod because she’s right. I have a lot of work to do if I want this to succeed. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Sorry for hitting you.” I laugh. Her punches don’t even count as punches, it’s why I let her get away with hitting me as much as she likes. “I don’t want you to leave me, okay? When you are gone for so long without any explanation, my mind tells me you have left me or you are going ahead with the divorce.”
The sincerity in her voice hits hard, I palm her face so I am staring into her eyes. My hands adjust to ease her weight, our foreheads touch and she smiles sadly at me. I cannot imagine a future without her in it.
“I’m not going anywhere, El. It’s me and you forever. You’re my forever, baby.” She giggles with a nod. She’s a lot insecure these days. “Where are the girls?” El motions to the room and I push the door gently to avoid waking them. The twins and Brianna are sprawled on the bed, dead asleep. “What’s going on?”
My arms protest from carrying El for so long but I am not willing to put her down. I am a clingy big baby and so is my wife. All those long months of being away from each other is finally taking a toll on us.
“Girls night out,” she mutters. The girls don’t rouse. I set El on her feet and she pulls the cover over their legs. She stands akimbo, I hear the smile in her voice when she says, “We got tired of waiting for you.”
The room is dim so I can only make out part of her face. Four females and just me. It’s unfair. I don’t know if now is the right time to mention the inequality so I fold my arms across my chest.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You are here now.” She returns to my front and stretches her arms to be carried. I fight back the urge to laugh as I lift her off the floor. Her lips brush my ear as we walk to my room, she kisses my neck, my lips, my nose. “Baby? Is today your first time of going to see him?” I shake my head. “How was it?”
It was a lot. I’m not one to fully experience the emotions at that moment, so days or weeks from now, I will think back to this day and feel everything at once. I don’t know if to tell El that. I don’t know how to tell her how I feel without coming off as... Weak? Whatever the case, I should be allowed to be vulnerable with my wife.
“Fine.” El makes a sound of disapproval but doesn’t push the subject. Knowing her, we will talk about it later. We stop at the door of our room. It’s unlocked so I open it and flip the switch. Lights fill the room, I don’t stop walking until I’m at the foot of the bed. I lower her to the bed. “We need another kid, a boy.”
Her arms rest on my shoulders. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” A small ball of hope blooms in my chest, she nods shyly. I peck her cheeks and push her gently to the bed. My lips hover overs. We can start by making those boys tonight. “I want two. Two boys.”
“Okay.”
I snicker at her compliance. This has to be a good sign. With a finger, I pry her robe open and drag the strap of the tiny gown down to showcase her breasts. They are bigger. Her erect nipples beckon on me to shower them with love and attention and I do that. My lips close over a nipple, El hisses and her leg wraps around me.
“Brandon.” I look up, letting go of her nipple with a pop. “Let’s talk.” No. I shake my head. Tomorrow. She sneaks out of my embrace. “Baby, you can’t keep avoiding it. We have a lot of things to talk about.”
“I’m not avoiding it. I had a long day. I’m tired.” Taking her hand, I press a kiss to her palm. “Tomorrow, my love. I’m staying here with you. We can talk about it. I'll tell you everything that has happened.”
After her nod of agreement, I got out of bed. She joins me. “Have you eaten?” She’s helping me out of my shirt, her hands stop on a button when I don’t provide an answer. I don’t want to lie to her. “I cooked.”
Amid her protest, I pull off her bonnet and her hair cascades down. I run my fingers through them, draw her in for a hug and sniff her. I love her smell. I love everything El is. “You know you don’t have to cook.”
“I know,” she answers. She steps back but her arms linger on my waist. “But I like cooking for you.”
Lydia does most of the cooking when I am unavailable. El pinches my nose. “I like cooking for you too.”
Her smile is instantaneous, she helps me out of my clothes and we walk hand in hand to the bathroom. El turns on the heater and joins me in the shower. I kneel and position the shower head between her legs. Her eyes warn me to keep to myself but I don’t listen. It has been a while since I teased her.
I miss it.
“Brandon...”
The warning in her voice is clear, I look up and bat my lashes. Pushing two fingers inside her, laughter tunnels out of my throat as her hands weave into my hair. I adjust the settings of the water, withdraw my fingers and wrap one arm around her waist to keep her still for her reward. She has been good.
Water shoots up to her core and El gasps.
“What was that?” I tease. Her nails sink into my shoulders, she clings to me with a soft moan. I switch it to the highest frequency and her legs vibrate in response to the rhythm. “Eyes on me.”