I decided not to go to the fireworks tonight. It’s Trevor’s birthday, so I’ll let him enjoy the fireworks and the company of our friends. Sort of like a silent birthday present. Once I explained my reasons to our friends, they understood and stopped trying to get me to come. My parents also understand why I chose to sit this one out. I know Trevor will never appreciate how I think of him and try to keep the conflict down. For some reason, he always misinterprets my motives and finds fault in everything I do. I wish things were different between us. I miss being friends. Maybe in time, we can rebuild our friendship, but for today, I’ll watch the fireworks from my balcony. Our home is centrally located in the pack. I’ll be able to see the entire display from here.
The firework display was jaw-droppingly awesome. The colors were bright, like a rainbow exploding in the sky. The entire sky was filled with lights, spirals of color, and starbursts of greens, reds, orange, purple, and yellows. I could even see the excitement on the faces of the pups as the fireworks shot up into the sky, exploding into various shapes and flashes of color. I felt like a pup again watching them. I’m so glad the alpha and Luna decided to do this for us, well mainly to celebrate Trevor, but we all got to enjoy it. Just for a little while, children and adults got the opportunity to be light and gaze in wonder. I’m feeling all philosophical. I feel like I need to store all this brightness up for a rainy day. I have been having this feeling of dread down in the pit of my stomach. You know that feeling you get when something terrible is about to happen. T has been telling me not to worry, but I can’t help it. I know my life is about to change, but I don’t know if it’s in a good or bad way.
After the display was over. Alpha announced that there will be light snacks set up in the packhouse. I think I’ll pass on that as well. I really feel like being alone tonight.
I see my friends walking towards my house. Looks like they are planning to hang out tonight. It is still early, but I don’t think I will join them.
“Hi Seleste,” Ben says. “We’re going to the diner to get something to eat. Don’t worry, the birthday boy will not be there. You should come. I know you’ve been cooped up in the house the last couple of days.”
“No thanks, I think I’m not feeling like going out right now. I have a few things I’m working on. I have some new techniques from last month’s trip to Asia that I still need to work into your training plan.” I tell them.
“Seleste, you are always in work zone. You need to relax and come out with us,” Rose says.
“Not tonight. Let’s plan to do something tomorrow night so we won’t have to worry about school the next day.” I say.
“Ok, well, we’ll see you later. We’ll be at the diner if you change your mind,” Rose says. They all load up in Rose and Ben’s cars.
I think I’ll go to my favorite thinking spot. There’s this place in the middle of the forest around our pack. It is so peaceful there. It’s a small clearing that is surrounded by thick woods, but the clearing is a perfect circle and perfectly clear. It’s like the goddess herself created that spot just for me. When I go there at night, the moonlight is perfect. It illuminates that spot. I usually spend hours there just soaking up the moonlight. My grandmother showed me this spot when I was younger. She said the moon goddess blessed this area. My grandmother said that she always felt recharged by coming here when the moon was at its brightest. Being the chosen protector can be draining, so my grandmother encouraged me to regularly come here to reconnect and recharge my inner batteries. I spend hours just laying in the grass. I feel so peaceful at this moment. Tamaska is even quiet right now. She has been stressed for the last couple of days and it was worse today. My mom told me that wolves sometimes get this way right before they find their mates. We still have two days before we find him unless he is already 18 and finds us. If he finds us, we will feel a pull to him, but won’t actually feel the full effects of the bond until we turn 18 in two days. I don’t know why the idea of mates is on my mind so much. There is so much more to life than meeting my mate, don’t get me wrong, the idea of meeting and falling in love with the one person who is made just for me is the best thing. I just don’t know why it’s on my mind so much lately. I have a training plan to update, but I can’t focus. I go between being excited at meeting my mate to being terrified that he will reject me. It’s not common for a wolf to reject their mate, but it happens. Once rejected, both wolves become weak. Sometimes the one who was rejected commits suicide and becomes rogue. When the mate bond breaks, it’s like losing a part of your soul. Not all wolves can survive that. My grandmother told me that our family bond is different. We can survive rejection and maintain our strength. She also told me that if a protector is rejected, they will be given a second chance mate. The goddess does not want her chosen protector to go through life alone or broken. When the mate bond is completed, the protector and their mate become stronger. They become a veritable force for good. Most of what my grandmother told me is not common knowledge. Few in the pack know the full history of our family. They know that we are pure Gammas, but not that we are direct descendants of Fenroe. The alpha family knows. Alpha and Luna also know that I am the chosen protector for this generation. That is why he has let me travel to different packs to train and be trained. He knows that my purpose is beyond my obligation to this pack. He is a great leader.