"What the hell are you doing, Kennedy?!" inis na sambit ni Haisely sa kaibigan namin dahil sa kaniyang ginawa.
We are currently here in bar. Yeah, in bar again and Kennedy is currently making a scandalous scene! Ewan ko ba sa babaeng ito dahil kapag nakainom ng alak ay nag-iibang anyo at nagmimistulang halimaw!
"Hey, Ken! Let's go! Don't make a scene here. Baka kung sa kulungan lang tayo mapunta nito," I told her because she was really furious.
"Kennedy, let's go. Kung may problema ka ay p'wede mo namang sabihin 'yon sa amin eh. Nandito kami para sa 'yo," Ralph gently told here.
Nang dahil doon sa sinabi ni Ralph ay unti-unting kumalma si Kennedy. Ang ginagawa niya kasi ay inaaway niya ang bartender na siyang nagbigay ng alak sa amin. She even thew the alcohol on the man' s clothes!
"Hindi eh! Mali naman ang alak na binigay niya sa akin. I told him to give me Port Wie but he gave me Beer!" asik niya kay Ralph.
"Wala na po kasing Port Wine, Ma'am. Tinanong na po kita kanina kung okay lang po ba ang Whiskey sa inyo at ang sa--"
"No! I want a fucking Port Wine!" inis niyang sigaw at pinutol ang pagpapaliwang ng lalaki. Mukhang iiyak pa ang bartender sa ginagawa niya! "Tangina! Kung wala naman pala ka---"
Kennedy stopped from shouting to the bartender when Haisely suddenly badly slapped her face. Pareho kaming gulat ni Ralph dahil sa ginawa niyang iyon.
Pati tuloy ako ay napatayo sa ginawa ni Haisely. Because of what Haisely did, Kennedy stopped from messing around and looked at her.
"Umuwi na tayo," mariing tugon ni Haisely kay Kennedy at saka kinuha ang kamay nito.
Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari ngunit hindi na rin nakipagtigasan ng ulo si Kennedy kay Haisely at nagpatinaod na lang ito. I brought Kennedy's stuff and also followed them. Kasama naman namin si Ralph, Azi at Octav kaya sumunod na rin sila sa amin.
I looked at Octav to gave him a signal to follow us, but the boys let us left them there. Kaya namab tinanguan ko na lang silang tatlo at sumunod sa dalawa. We went on the parking lot where there are no people except from us.
"Sabihin mo kung ano ang problema mo," mahinahong tanong ni Haisely kay Kennedy.
Kennedy looked at Haisely and then she took a glanced at me and there I saw pain from her eyes. Hindi ako updated sa nangyayari sa buhay nilang mga kaibigan ko masyado dahil may problema rin akong kinakaharap lalo na sa aming dalawa ni Octav. People are already judging me because I have an intimate telationship with my Professor without them knowing that we knew each other before he became one of my Professor.
Kaya ngayong may mali sa kaibigan ko ay hindi ko alam kung ano 'yon.
I don't know their battles unless they told us so.
Kennedy looked down and shook her head multiple times.
"I... I t-ried so hard," mahina niyang sambit at saka tumingala sa langit. "I t-ried so hard and do... the t-hings even though it was not in my will," nahihirapang sambit niya habang nakatingala pa rin sa langit.
She looked so down right now that I didn't know. Hindi ko alam na may ganito siyang pinagdaraanan because I known her for being a funny friend. An easy go lucky friend who was always smiling at us.
Ngunit ngayong nakikita ko siyang nahihirapang sabihin ang saloobin niya ay para na ring binibiyak ang puso ko.
"I asked myself multiple times, am I worth it? Gusto ko ba talaga ang mga ginagawa ko? M-ay k-wenta pa ba ako sa pamilya ko?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong sabay ng kaniyang pagluha.
Haisely and I was just listening to her rants that was left untold.
I think this was again because of her family. Her family that demands too much from her that she did her best but then, it looks like she was still ignored.
"Isang maling gawin ko, napupuna nila kaagad. Pero... Pero iyong mga achievements ko ni-hindi man lang nila napuna." sambit niya at saka tiningnan kaming pareho ni Haisely. "I pity you both," she said and I saw a smile that eas full of too much pain.
Damn... Hindi ganito ang inaasahan kong Kennedy.
She was bearing too much pain that I didn't noticed all these years.
"Ginusto ko 'tong course na ito dahil iyon ang gusto nila. I passed a scholarship that was truly a big help for me. Pero kasi hindi ito ang inaasahan kong suporta mula sa kanila. Each day I was telling myself that it was okat to be alone sometimes. It was okay if I was away from my family and live with my relatives here pero nakakaputangina na eh." mahaba niyang litanya at tinakpan ang mukha niya gamit ang kaniyang dalawang palad.
I stepped forward to her and hugged her as tight as I could.
"Akala ko suportado nila ako, pero 'yong pera lang pala na nakukuha ko mula sa scholarship ko kaya ganoon sila. They were continuously pressuring me," pag-iyak niya.
Na kahit nahihirapan siyang magsalita dahil sa kaniyang pag-iyak ay nagawa niya pa ring sabihin iyon sa amin.
"Inggit na inggit ako sa inyo kasi at least kayo may sumusporta sa inyong pamilya ninyo. You still have Tita and father to tell how was your day. Kasi ako wala," pag-iyak niyang muli.
Ilang segundo lang din ay nakiyakap na sa amin si Haisely at hinaplos pa nito ang likod ni Kennedy kaya mas lalo lang itong naiyak.
"Don't think that no one supports you because you have us. Ano pa kami sa buhay mo kung hindi naman kami sumusuporta sa 'yo hindi ba? We are here for you even though your own relatives took their backs at you," pagpapaalo sa kaniya ni Haisely.
"Wala akong kilala na p' wedeng mapagsabihan ng mga nararamdaman ko," umiiyak pang sabi ni Kennedy kaya napailing ako. I also can't stop myself from crying because I saw her crying. "Nahihiya na akong mag-share sa inyo dahil alam ko namang pare-pareho tayong nahihirapan. I don't want to be a burden for you."
"Each of you was never a burden to me. You know that, Ken." sambit ni Haisely habang nakayakap pa rin sa kaniya.
"One more thing, you also helped me not just once when I arrived here in bicol so you will never be a burden to me. You was also one of the reason why I have this self confidence and love for myself, ken." I told her and kissed her head.
"Kasi sa totoo lang, hirap na hirap ako sa kursong kinuha ko. I don't even know what I'm doing but what I know is I am doing my best for me to show to my family and relatives. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang kahihinatnan nito, wala akong masyadong kaibigan sa block namin. I feel so alone in our fuckijg block. Ibang-iba ako sa kanila," she sympatize.
Humiwalay si Haisely ng yakap sa kaniya at pinagpantay ang kanilang mga mata. She reall looks like a mother to us. Hindi lang sa amin pati sa kaniyang mga kapatid kaya ganito siya ngayon kay Ken.
"Kung ganoon ang nararamdaman mo, bakit kailangan mong gawin 'yon sa loob kanina? Do you have the right to shout at that bartender earlier? Siya ba ang may kasalanan kung bakit ka nahihirapan ngayon?" she gently asked Kennedy who shyly shooked her head for disagreement.
"Eh bakit ganoon ang ugaling pinakita mo? Galit ka pala sa ibang tao eh, bakit kailangang madamay ang hindi naman dapat? Remember that when you're mad, you have to control it as you can." dagdag pa nito na mas lalong napabilib ako sa kaniya.
Damn. She was a smooth talker and I really loved how she gently asked Kennedy about this situation. Ganitong ganito siya sa akin noong nahuli niya ako sa CR na umiiyak.
"Hindi ka nag-iisa sa problema mo dahil nandito kaming dalawa ni Sav. Hindi mo na pala kaya pero sinosolo mo." aniya kaya napayuko si Ken na parang bata.
"She was right, Ken. What you did earlier can also caus trauma to the person," I told her. "He was a bartender and he also needs to be respected even though you are the customer. Kasi alam mo, luma na ang the customer is always right where in fact, you were the one who committed mistake." I intently told her.
Natahimik kami saglit nang hindi na nagsalita si Ken at mukhang kumalma naman na siya. Anyone from us didn't spoke up because like me, I also want to sober up because of what we drink earlier. Lalo na itong si Ken.
"Are you now sober up?" tanong ni Haisely sa kaniya pakatapos ng halos limang minuto naming pagiging tahimik. "You need to apologize for what you did," Haisely added that made Ken looked at her.
"You need to apologize to him," pag-uulit niya pa kaya naman ay wala nang nagawa si Ken.
We went back inside the bar with no heavy heart anymore. Kennedy apologized to the bartender and gave him a tip of 5,000 pesos.
Alam naman naming walang katapat ang respeto ng isang tao pero gustong-gusto talaga ni Ken na bigyan ng tip ang bartender. And so, he accepted it. Furthermore, after a long discussion because of what Kennedy did, we went home peacefully.
At dahil wala namang kasama si Kennedy na boyfriend ay sumabay na lang siya kila Haisely at Azi. Una namin siyang inuwi at hinintay pa siyang matulog. It was a long night for us.
"Do you want some hot soup to sober up?" tanong sa akin ni Octav namg makapasok ako sa kotse pero umiling ako.
"I'm exhausted. Umuwi na lang tayo," pagod kong saad kaya naman ay sinunod niya na lang.
After that long night, we are almost everyday in communicated to Kennedy. We are even having a video call every night even though we are reviewing our lessons for finals in 2nd sem. Ken told us that she was now getting okay and we don't have to worry for us.
Ngunit makulit si Haisely at gusto pa nitong palaging ka-video call kami.
"Hindi ba aalis na si Octav after this final exams?" tanong ni Haisely kaya tumango ako sa kaniya. "Are you even okay with that?" tanong nito kaya hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko.
Ayos lang ba talaga iyon sa akin? I'm even certain about my answer. Kaya naman ay nagkibit balikat na lang ako sa kaniya.
"Of course, you're feeling sad." Ken said and she wasn't asking me, rather she was stating a facy as if she knows me very well.
Pero ganoon naman talaga eh. Masakit para sa akin ang mawalay kay Octav. Na kahit sinabi niya na sa aking ako lang ay nangangamba pa rin ako.
"Sige na at matutulog na ako," paalam ko sa kanila at in-off na ang tawag.
I still chatted our group chat good night and went straight to my bed. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sa akin dahil bigla na lang na parang ang bigat ng dibdib ko. I felt like I was going to cry.
Mas lalo lang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko nang mag-text sa akin si Octav. He texted me that right after he computed our grades, he will leave the university.
Ang dali pala talaga ng panahon 'no? I couldn't imagined that loving him was so amazing but being away from him was so painful for me.
"Mag-iingat ka roon," I told him and controlling myself not to cry.
Nandito ako sa bahay nila dahil aalis na nga siya. Ready na ang lahat ng gamit niya at ihahatid na lang namin siya ngayon sa airport. Halos kalahating taon siya sa Manila para sa training ngunit kahit ganoon ay nalulungkot pa rin ako. Nasa iisang bansa pa naman kami sa mga oras na 'yan but knowing that I couldn't feel his warm touch, hug and kiss him, I felt like it was already killing me.
"Ba't parang iiyak ka na?" pangungulit niya sa akin kaya inirapan ko siya.
Ganitong-ganito ang pakiramdam ko noon tuwing aalis si Mama at pupuntang ibang bansa. It was like a de javu but this time, it was different person.
Bigla niya akong niyakap nang mahigpit kaya naman ay kaagad kong tinakpan ang mukha ng kamay ko. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong maiyak nang dahil sa ginawa niyang iyon.
Damn!
"Tahan na anak, babalik naman ako." pang-aalo niya sa akin na parang bata ako.
I heard his family's laugh because of what he said. Kahit ang mga kaibigan namin ay natawa nang dahil sa ginawa niya. Tinago ko na lang ang mukha ko sa kaniyang dibdib at niyakap siya nang mahigpit.
"You're such a cry baby," he said and laughed a bit.
"Magpapadala naman ako buwan-buwan sa ina mo kaya huwag ka nang umiyak, anak." pag-aalo niya ulit sa akin.
Kumalas ako ng yakap mula sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya at pinalo ang dibdib niya nang mahina.
"P'wede mo naman siyang puntahan sa Manila, Sav." Ralph said that made me look at him.
"Wala akong pamasahe!" I exclaimed that made them laughed.
"Then I'll drive for you," he said.
"Huwag na, ako na lang ang pupunta sa kaniya. Baka kung ano pa ang mangyari sa inyo sa byahe." pagbabawal niya at tiningnan si Ralph. "But yeah, thanks." he said to Ralph.
"We'll surprise you anytime in a day to know if you have another woman there. Sana ay huwag naming matyempuhan," pagbibiro ni Kennedy kaya naman ay napakamot si Octav.
"Oo nga, Kuya. Baka ayaw mong si Ate Sav ang pumunta sa 'yo dahil may ginagawa kang kababalgahan doon," pagsulpot din ni Melgie.
"I better go guys. Napapahaba ang usapan at kung baka ano pa ang maisip nitong batang nasa tabi ko." he said and mocked me.
Sinamaan ko na lang siya ng tingin. Hanggang dito na lang din naman kaming magkakaibigan at hindi na susunod sa kaniya sa airport dahil baka humagulgol lang ako kapag naroon na. Hindi ko rin alam pero mas mainam na ito kaysa naman ay umiyak ako sa harapan niya.
"Take care," I gently said to him and kissed him on his cheeks before he got inside the car.
"Are you sure you're not coming with us?" tanong niya ulit sa akin kaya umiling ako.
"Sige na. Mag-ingat 'yong piloto ng eroplano," I said that made him smiled.
"That's my baby," sambit niya at saka pinat pa ang ulo ko na parang isang bata.
Nang makaalis siya ay bumyahe na rin kami nila Ken pauwi sa kani-kanilang bahay. Nagsisimula pa lang ang araw pero pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod na ako.
Being distanced from him makes me sick.
Kahit na nagkita naman na kami kanina at binilin ko na rin na mag-ingat siya ay hindi ko pa rin mapigilang i-text siya na mag-ingat. Mukha akong isang ina nang dahil sa mahaba kong mensahe para sa kaniya.
Hindi naman p'wedeng mag-cellphone sa loob ng eroplano but I still saw his story featuring the clouds outside the windor of the airplane. There was even a caption saying, "Even though people was against us and we're distance from each other, I'll promise to keep in touch with you, my love."
Even though he didn't directly mentioned me there, I smiled upon reading it. Kaya naman ay inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pamamagitan ng pag-aaral. And after almost 20 minutes, I received a text message from him saying that he was already inside the hotel where he booked.
From: Octav
I'm already here, baby. Don't worry too much of me because I'm doing fine here. Mag-aral ka nang mabuti at i-enjoy ang sarili habang bakasyon. Mahal kita lagi <3