Chapter Fifty-One
It's been more than two weeks since Shirley visited me and I began taking lessons from my teacher. It's been going good. Shirley told me that she had given only a little information to the professor and had kept my private information hidden. Lately, I have been focusing more and more on studies and less and less on work. Like always, Nel supports this decision. However, I was still unable to visit the school because of Ergor and he still gave random and yet frequent visits to it.
On the other hand, my pregnancy hormones were getting the best of me. And this morning they were exceptionally bad. I was vomiting once again at the moment and for some reason, started crying because I just felt overwhelmed for no reason.
I woke up feeling sick and Nel helped me into the bathroom. It's been half an hour since I had been hunched over the toilet and was rethinking my whole life for some reason. How did I turn up like this? Where did I go so wrong? What decision did I make for things to turn out so bad? Was it all my fault and if it was what was it? Maybe, I was blamed for the whole situation that I was in. From meeting Mike to trusting him into letting him treat me like trash then me sleeping with him, everything was my fault. This baby was my fault and so was this whole problematic situation with Ergor. If I had not done what he and my family had asked me not to then I would not be here. I would still be in school. Studying, like a normal student, there might have been a chance that I would also have had a brighter future than this.
Seeing me sniff and sob, Nel pulled me away from the toilet and pulled me into him. Gently, he rested my head on his chest and began stroking my hair, soothing me from an unknown pain. A pain that was getting too much for me to handle at the moment. He coaxed me by running circles on my back and making soothing sounds. After a few seconds of sobbing in his shirt, I finally relaxed. His wet shirt from my tears, rubbing my cheek.
"My life is really difficult," I told him. "I have been the victim of every situation. Always. One way or the other, it's the same thing." I whispered.
"Humm." Nel pulled me more into him and we settled comfortably.
"Let me tell you a story about me." He said.
"As a kid, I was really insecure and even in my early teenage years. I had no self-esteem or a sense of self. It was so bad that I let everyone dictate my life. Anyone who gave me advice, I took it. Even if it was bad or good. I did not try to analyse if they would be good for me or not. I always let their insecurities creep into me. It did not help with my situation as nothing worked. it only worsened my situation." He said.
"I always wanted to be smart, good, a person with a good attitude who had a sense of self. That's why I hang those people's posters in my life that seemed to fit into this category. But one day everything changed." He told me.
"You know how they say that your life flashes right before your eyes? Well, it turns out that it was true. One day, I had an accident with a car and as I was losing consciousness and my life flashed in front of my eyes, I realised that there were only bad moments filled in my life. Even the good ones were out shadowed by the bad ones, and it was that time that I realised what a coward I have been." He continued.
"I had all those insecurities not because people gave me bad advice but because I let them. I followed my life blindly on someone else's marks because I was too much of a coward to do it for myself. So, at that moment as I was passing out, I promised myself that if, hopefully, I ever woke up again then I would take charge of my life this time. Instead of hanging posters of the people that I thought filled the category, I would become one for myself." He told me.
He turned my face in his direction. "At that moment, I told myself that I would FIGHT for the person that I want to be. I will FIGHT for the life that I deserved. I will get up and face the challenges myself. I face them head-on, and if I fail then I will try and try again until I win." He said, looking directly into my eyes.
"I would live a life without fear and live it to the fullest." He whispered.
"Viri. You should live your life without fear while you have it. Because it turns out that you DO only live once. I understood it the hard way. You should fight for the life that you deserve and never settle for anything less. At least, try fighting for it. It's worth it. Your life is worth it." He said in a firm voice.
"You deserve all the happiness that you could get and wish for. You should not be the victim but a survivor of it. You ARE a survivor of it." He told me and I felt his words tug my heart. And an unexpected thing began happening. I suddenly felt a force pulling me to him.
I broke apart from his embrace and cradled my tummy for a distraction. "But my baby ..."
"If you are worried about your baby then let me tell you something. If you ever had your baby but could not keep it, then I will adopt your baby." He said, and it was this line that made my heart melt.
Amongst all this chaos, I did turn out to be lucky in some matters, indeed.